Thoughts of School Bus Driver

You can't have it both ways

2011-09-19T17:43:00.001-07:00

This story has been going around a lot lately, but it wasn't until today that I actually watched the video. Pat Robertson's response to this issue makes me so angry and I think it has something to do with the book I am currently reading, Religion Gone Bad by Mel White. In his book, White, a former ghostwriter for many Fundamentalist Christian leaders, exposes the dangerous rhetoric used by these leaders in their fight against gay rights. Robertson features prominently in the book, so watching this clip really got me thinking about his blatant hypocrisy.

First a little history about my knowledge of Pat Robertson.

My mom is a long-time fan of The 700 Club. When I was a kid, I admit that I spent many hours watching Pat Robertson. I don't remember a lot of what was talked about, but I believe that it led to the turmoil I would later face as a teenager realizing my sexuality.

As far as I know, my mom still very much listens to and believes the things Robertson says. Several years ago, my brother and I were discussing Muslims with our parents. Dad had read a book about the religion and came away from it believing that their religion was founded on Satanic principles and that all Muslims worship Satan. My brother and I tried desperately to separate the horrific actions of the extremist terrorists of 9/11 and the rest of the Muslim faith, but our parents wouldn't have it.

Finally, my mom said, "BOYS! ENOUGH! You need to listen to what your father is saying. He read that book and we both watch the news on The 700 Club!" Both my brother and I were speechless. Later, my brother confirmed that I had heard my mom correctly. I don't think my mom is alone in her belief that The 700 Club is a valid news source.

But I digress... Back to my point.

Pat Robertson has dedicated his life and his ministry to fighting gay rights. He firmly believes that the Bible condemns gay people to hell and he sees it as his mission to save America from the wrath of God by denying gay people the basic human rights of marriage.

So when I watched that clip, I was shocked to hear him say that it's okay for a man to divorce his wife because she has Alzheimer's. Really? I find that extremely interesting since the Bible specifically admonishes people who have gotten a divorce. But see, Pat Robertson and the Fundamentalist leaders like him pick and choose things in the Bible; God hates this, but He'll turn a blind eye to that.

If you're going to fight the rights of gay people and use your belief in the Bible as the reason, then you can't turn around and tell a man that it's okay for him to break his marriage vows simply because his wife has Alzheimer's when the Bible forbids it.

You can't have it both ways, Pat.

It gets better

2011-09-02T09:09:00.000-07:00

I really do love Dan Savage and Terry Miller for starting this amazing campaign. I wish I had done this sooner. Anyway, better late than never, I guess. So here is my "It gets better" story. My apologies that it's so long...

I was one of the lucky gays. I was never bullied or beat up in high school or college for being gay. During my high school sophomore year I was bullied by a kid who claimed I owed him $20, but one day he pantsed an Asian kid who turned around and punched him in the face. Watching the bully sit on the ground with a dumb look on his face while everyone laughed was satisfying and it gave me enough confidence to stop ditching PE so I would pass the class.

I did, however, face a bully in high school and college, but I have no one else to blame for it but myself. What? I’m blaming the victim? Yes, I am, because the victim was also the bully. I was literally my own worst enemy growing up.

In high school, I was really disturbed by the fact that I found boys more attractive than girls. I only had a handful of “gay” experiences in high school—none of them more involved than just seeing the other guy naked—but after each time I felt this pressuring weight of guilt. I felt like the dirtiest high school boy alive.

The mental self-flagellation was worse every time I finished masturbating. Sometimes, I’d try to picture straight sex, but I inevitably began focusing more and more on the guy in the fantasy. Then I would finish my self-pleasuring and begin the mental self-flagellation with profound Catholic guilt—and I was Lutheran. It was extremely confusing.

I had been raised with deep Lutheran roots. My parents were actively involved in the church and strongly encouraged that from my brother and me. We were in bell choir and the praise choir, we were both acolytes, we occasionally led the readings in church services, sometimes we would serve as ushers and we were both actively involved in the youth program. I didn’t despise any of that activity—in fact I loved being that involved in the church. I made friends in all aspects of my church life; people of all ages.

However, like most gay Christians, therein began my inner conflict. I had heard all the Bible verses condemning those filthy homosexuals. I remember watching a movie or TV show with my family and one of the characters had AIDS and was getting sick. I remember my mom saying, “Remember that, boys. Men who have sex with other men get AIDS and die.” This was during the Reagan years when there was a lot of misinformation about AIDS. It frightened me because I knew that every time I masturbated, I was thinking about sex with other boys and I was certain that doing so would give me AIDS and I would die; not to mention the deep impacting shame I would inflict on my poor, unsuspecting family!

I graduated from high school and had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. I hadn’t done the required high school senior college searching, so I settled on the local community college with a liberal arts focus where I skated through my first year with a C average. I found ultimate freedom despite still living with my parents. I had my own car and a LOT of free time between classes, so it wasn’t uncommon for me to go to the movies. I could look up at the marquee of a movie theater and proudly claim that I’d seen all of the movies listed there.

It was quickly becoming apparent that I wasn’t taking community college very seriously and I needed to find some direction in my life. My pastor told me about a Lutheran college in the Northwest. He suggested that I might find the needed guidance there. Since I was coasting through the community college and didn’t really care much about what I was learning, it was decided that I would apply at the Lutheran college and move to Washington State if I was accepted.

In August of 1995, I packed everything I owned into my small Chevy Spectrum and drove north. I loved college life away from my parents. I had even more freedom! I also fell in love with the Northwest. It was my kind of place. I loved the people, I loved Seattle and I even loved the weather.

I’ll never forget my first trip home for Christmas during my first year of college. I had forgotten to pack my toothbrush and I remember saying to Mom: “I need to go to the store to buy a new toothbrush because I left mine back home.” I didn’t even think about what I had said, but my mom did. She even commented, “I thought this was your home.” The truth was, I felt like Washington was where I belonged. I felt like I was destined to be there and even now, 16 years later, I still can’t imagine living anywhere else. This is as much my home now as it was back then.

College life wasn’t all fun and games, though. I was still living a double life. On the outside, I was a heterosexual who proudly displayed photos of my favorite actress— Helen Hunt—on the wall outside my dorm room. On the inside, I was a self-hating gay guy who was developing crushes on other college boys.

We had chapel services every weekday at the college and I (mostly) attended them. At this point, I started turning to God with my problem. I would beg, I would plead, I would bargain with Him. I wanted him to take away all my gay thoughts and feelings and start making me attracted to women. The days passed but my attraction to men did not. I started hating myself even more.

This torment tore at me. I knew that I was supposed to be a normal straight guy, but I just couldn’t do it. Oh sure, I could pretend and tell people that I loved my best friend in college “like a brother” but I knew that I was falling in love with him.

I met Gavin my first year. He was a sophomore who was neighbors with a friend of mine named Curt, also a freshman. I had the hots for Curt in the worst way, so I often tried to hang out with him as much as possible. One day, he offered to let me watch a movie in his room. He was one of the few people on campus with a TV and VCR in his room, so this was a major treat!

When I showed up to watch a movie, I found Curt in Gavin’s room, using his computer. He had forgotten that he had also traded use of his VCR and TV to his next-door-neighbor for use of his computer to write a term paper—one that I was also supposed to be working on. He asked if I minded watching a movie with Gavin.

Gavin had blue eyes and long blond hair that he pulled back in a pony-tail. I had never been attracted to guys with long hair so I immediately figured that this guy and I would have nothing in common. He told me that he was going to watch Return of the Jedi. As a Star Wars fan, I shrugged and said, “Sure, sounds great to me.”

Gavin and I talked through the whole movie. We were both major Star Wars geeks, so we had a lot of trivia to cover. We knew that a prequel trilogy was in the works, so that took up a lot of our discussion. Gavin was also a fan of John Williams, the composer of not just the Star Wars movies, but many other movie soundtracks. It blew me away that there was another guy out there who collected John Williams’ scores! By the end of Return of the Jedi, I felt like I had known Gavin my whole life.

I started hanging out with Gavin more often than Curt and a friendship quickly developed. After a couple of years, Curt left the college and I moved into his dorm room next to Gavin’s. I wish I could remember the moment when I started falling in love with Gavin, but I don’t.

I do remember the crushing blow I felt when he started dating a mutual friend of ours—a woman. Their relationship didn’t last, but it began a painful realization for me: Gavin was straight and there was no way he was ever going to be my boyfriend. He eventually met and started dating the woman he would eventually marry and that almost ruined our friendship. I was just too much the jealous type.

One night, Gavin was in my room and he was talking about his feelings for his future wife. I’m not sure how it happened, but we eventually started talking about honesty in a relationship. I let it slip that there was a big part of me (that was annoyingly NOT going away) that would be hard to be honest about with a woman if I ever dated one.

This intrigued Gavin and he wanted to know what it was. I couldn’t tell him, though, so he ended up guessing. I can’t remember all the things he listed, but finally, after listing things for several minutes, he said, “Well you can’t be gay. You have those pictures of Helen Hunt on the wall.” I just looked up at him and instead of saying no as I had for the other items on his list, I said nothing. For the first time in my life, I had just come out to someone!

Gavin is a very smart guy and he realized that I was falling in love with him. This freaked him out, so he decided to go to our floor’s Resident Assistant for advice. What he didn’t know (I didn’t either) was that Paul was also gay, so while Gavin was telling him about this guy on our floor that he thought might be gay and falling in love with him, Paul was panicking because he thought Gavin was referring to him. Eventually my name came up and Paul’s worry was eased.

Paul ended up taking me under his wing. He introduced me to the “gaybourhood” in Seattle up on Capitol Hill. He showed me several gay bookstores where I discovered the many wonderful gay authors that I have come to love. He introduced me to the fine art of guy cruising. He introduced me to XY, the magazine for gay men with many articles that helped me sort out the things I had been dealing with regarding my sexuality.

Paul and I never became boyfriends and never had sex (though Lord knows I wanted both). He did, however, introduce me to the gay culture. I began to realize that being gay wasn’t the bad thing I had always thought it to be. There were amazing, confident gay people all around me and they contributed great things to society—I mean just look at Dan Savage!

I credit Paul with helping me come out to myself. I finally gave up the notion that I could miraculously start liking women. I realized that it is okay to be gay. There was nothing I could do about it, so I would have a happier life if I embraced it and stopped fighting it.

I started going to gay chat rooms online and meeting other gay guys around the world. I met an amazing guy named Neil who lives in Texas. He and I have only officially met in person once, but he’s one of my best friends. He’s the guy I go to for advice in all aspects of my life. Imagine if I had never found acceptance in myself! I never would have had found that strong relationship.

It took me many, many more years before I was able to come out to my family, but once I was able to defeat that life-long inner bully that I had been facing, I was able to begin that journey of coming out publically.

Today, I may not yet have a boyfriend, but I have a lot of weight lifted off my shoulders. When I was 30, I auditioned for the Seattle Men’s Chorus and it was through them that I found the courage to come out to my family. My parents were shocked, but somewhat accepting of it. They don’t like it, but they didn’t disown me, so I consider that a win. My brother literally said, “FINALLY!” when I told him I had come out to our parents. He and his wife are supportive.

Paul is still introducing me to new things. Just the other day he told me about a fantastic a cappella group that he found on YouTube. I will always credit him with helping me take those first steps toward self-acceptance. Paul was the first one to help me battle that bully.

Gavin and I are still best friends. He married the woman he met in college and they now have two beautiful kids. His parents still live north of Seattle, so every couple years he and I get to hang out. Even after all these years, he is still such an important part of my life. I still love him very much and treasure the friendship we have. He is a strong supporter of gay rights, though, as he often jokes, he has to be in the closet about it because he is a pastor for a congregation that isn’t quite where he is regarding gay rights. During our last visit together, he told me that his most lasting friendships have been with gay men and he admitted that before he met me, he was a bit homophobic himself.

So, I want to address all the gay teens out there that are struggling with their sexual identity and wishing that they could change it. Don’t beat yourself up. It is just not worth it. I know exactly what you’re going through. Maybe like me you’re trying to make deals with God, hoping He’ll change you. I’m living proof that He won’t. My guess is, he made you the way you are for a reason. Oh yes, He made you that way and He doesn’t make mistakes. You are exactly who you are meant to be, so don’t fight it; embrace it.

Seek out your “Paul”. There are people who can help introduce you to the fabulous gay world that awaits you. Those people will help you find comfort in yourself. Trust me, they are good people.

But please don’t give up. Don’t allow your inner bully to win. There are still many people who are uncomfortable with gay people like Gavin was. I bet that once they meet you in all your awesomeness, they’ll start rethinking everything they have been told about homosexuality. Through you, they might discover that gay people are just as normal as everyone else. That can’t happen if you deprive the world of the amazing person that is you. Then, I promise, you’ll start meeting the people like Neil.

Hang in there. I promise it does get better!

Wat u into?

2011-03-14T18:29:00.000-07:00

I recently read a blog post by a gay writer that I follow on Twitter. In the post, he talked about a question he gets a lot on dating websites: "Do you like straight guys?" He then went on to explain why he doesn't like that question.

His blog (and a comment from a friend of mine that I don't blog enough) inspired me to write this entry about two questions I often get that bug the hell out of me.

The first is: "ASL?" For those of you not in the know, this stands for "Age, Sex, Location?". All too often, this is the first thing that follows "Hey" or "Hi". The reason the question bugs me, though, is that I took great effort into putting most of that information on my profile. If you're too lazy to look up my profile, then the odds of us having a meaningful conversation are pretty low. I have probably missed out on some decent guys by ignoring them when they asked it, but my guess is that the majority of the guys I ignored won't be missed.

The other question that nags at me is the one that irritates me the most: "What are you into?" More often, the question is asked "What you into?" or even worse "wat u into?"

The first time I got the question, I stared at it for so long that the guy ended up sending "are you still there?" I had no clue what he meant. Did he mean my hobbies and interests? Did he mean what movies or music I like? Was he hoping I'd respond with "Hopefully YOU tonight!"?

I never know how to answer this question. Even after years of getting it, I still don't. The reason for this is that when I finally ask the guy to explain exactly what information he wants from me, I get several different responses:

1) Gay, bi or straight?
2) Top or bottom?
3) Kissing, cuddling or just sex?

So, now when I get that question, I respond with the same thing every time: "The usual." That's right, I'm going to make the guy do a little research. I'm going to make him ask the questions that force him to clarify if he wants me to respond in general or with a kinky gutter response. Frankly, I'm too afraid that I'll respond in a kinky way and he'll type back "No, I mean what room of the house are you in?"

"Oh... um... I actually live in an apartment."

Halloween Movie Night #28 - Saw 6

2010-10-29T19:46:00.001-07:00

Don't read this unless you've seen the first 5 Saw movies.

This is another one of my favorites in the Saw series. First of all, the story is well crafted and once again, as in Saw 3, the twist is cleverly hidden through misdirection. Second, who hasn't wanted to put an insurance adjuster through a horrific game like this?! Does this make me a bad person? Probably.

In Saw 6, an insurance adjuster who has denied the claims of dying people is put to the test in a grisly game - one of the final ones designed by the original Jigsaw. Hoffman is still trying to carry on John Kramer's legacy, but as with his copycat trap where he killed his sisters murderer, he is sloppy. He just doesn't have John Kramer's brilliance - which might speak about Kramer's intelligence given that he picked him (and Amanda). I guess even genuises make mistakes.

William Easton is an executive at an insurance company and he proudly tells John Kramer in flashbacks that he created a formula now used to deny or approve claims based on the candidates' probability for costing the company money. Liabilities are denied, of course.

"So basically," John sumarrizes, "You choose who lives or dies." Sound familiar?

William's test is less about him and more about people around him. As before with the father who's son was hit by a drunk driver, William must make choices with an eerie connection to his own proudly touted formula. People like his secretary, a young exec at the firm, the six people who pour through claims looking for errors, etc. Mean while, a mother and her son are in a cell watching, along with a reporter who has been covering (and some would suggest sensationalizing) John Kramer's legacy. How all of these people are connected isn't certain, except that they are all somehow related to William Easton.

Meanwhile, Mark Hoffman is starting to unravel. His sloppiness is beginning to get noticed by the FBI agents and it seems as though his framing of Peter Straum (the detective Hoffman killed at the end of 5) isn't working as planned.

We also find out more about John Kramer's story, especially through his wife. We find out what was in the box that John willed her after his death. We find out how much she actually knew about what John was doing. We even find out a little bit more about Amanda and what was in that letter she found shortly before dying in #3.

Yet, there is still so much left unanswered and I am excited to watch Saw 3D.

At the same time, I'm a little disappointed. 3D movies cost $5 more to see and since I've been reading that Saw 3D just isn't worth the extra money, I was planning to see it in traditional 2D, but there is only one theater showing it and it's too far to justify going by bus. I have been struggling with whether or not to see Saw 3D in theaters or just wait for it on DVD. I don't appreciate the producers of this movie forcing another $5 out of me for an already over-priced ticket.

Still, watching all the past movies this week, I am too excited about seeing the final chapter. I guess I have to make a choice, right? Live or die!..... er.....um.... rather.... See it in theaters or wait for Dvd...

Halloween Movie Night #27 - It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown

2010-10-28T22:21:00.000-07:00

It's a Halloween classic! What more can be said?

...I got a rock!

Halloween Movie Night #26 - Saw 5

2010-10-28T21:20:00.000-07:00

Don't read this unless you have seen the first four.

Saw 5 is an entertaining movie, but it is all about Agent Hoffmann, the man who was revealed as Jigsaw's third helper at the end of the last chapter. Very little information is given about John Kramer, Amanda or Jill Tuck, Kramer's ex-wife. This chapter focused on Hoffmann's involvement in the entire story.

The backstory here reveals that Hoffmann was a partner with Jigsaw from almost the beginning. Seeking revenge for the death of his sister, Hoffmann sets up her killer and ex-boyfriend in a Jigsaw copycat device. Hoffmann's ability to make the crime scene look like a Jigsaw killing fools the police, but the sloppiness of the device pisses off Jigsaw and he confronts the vengeful brother. All of this is revealed through flashbacks while FBI agent Stramm unravels the truth about Hoffmann's involvement.

Meanwhile five victims are being tested in one of the last games of Jigsaw's design before his death. They are told at the beginning that they are all linked and discovering that link will help them win the game. This idea harkens back to the 2nd movie in more ways than one.

While I appreciated the explanations of how Hoffmann fit into the entire story, the lack of any more details about Jigsaw sends this chapter lower on the list for me. The twist is clever, but not nearly as much as the others were. We already know who the accomplice is, so there really isn't much of a surprise there, though there is a really clever twist, nonetheless.

Halloween Movie Night #25 - Saw 4

2010-10-28T18:37:00.000-07:00

Don't read this unless you've seen the first three.

Jigsaw is dead. Amanda is dead. Yet, the story continues on. Someone is still out there trying to carry on Jigsaw's work. Apparently, Jigsaw knew that Amanda was going to blow it.

The great thing about this chapter in the Saw story is that we get a LOT more background on the villain himself. Before the cancer, before the suicide attempt, before his mission to teach people how to value their lives by putting them in horrific games, Jigsaw was in love. She was only hinted at in the last chapter, but now we found out more about John Kramer's wife. There is yet another layer of sadness in that story that drives John Kramer to don the mission of Jigsaw. We even witness his first ever game.

Saw 4 begins with an autopsy of John Kramer that is just as realistic and disturbing as the makeshift surgery in the last movie. When the check the contents of his stomach, a wax-covered mini tape is discovered and Detective Hoffmann is called in to hear it. Hoffmann is that character that was merely hinted at in the previous film.

The focus of this chapter, however, is on Lieutenant Rigg. He has been all the movies before, but in this one he takes center stage. Everyone around him is dying and he is now on a personal mission to hunt whomever is continuing the gruesome legacy that Jigsaw has left behind; even if it means ignoring protocol. The new Jigsaw sets up an elaborate game for Rigg, one that closely resembles the game from the last movie in that the player's choice effects the lives of other players.

Two new characters appear in this: two FBI agents are now on the case and they are convinced that Rigg is being recruited to continue Jigsaw's morbid legacy. All the evidence points to the fact that Rigg always seems to have a connection to the current list of victims. Is that a coincidence?

We also learn the fate of Detective Matthews who plays a more prominent role in this film again. He and Hoffman are set up in Rigg's game as well.

Though not one of my favorite chapters in the series, Saw 4 does offer some fascinating insight into John Kramer's past and introduces a more prominent figure for future chapters: his wife. It is never clear if she is an accomplice or merely an ex-wife as she claims. For me, this was the meatier part of the story.

Halloween Movie Night #24 - Saw 3

2010-10-27T17:10:00.000-07:00

Don't read this if you haven't seen the first two Saw movies.

Story-wise, I think Saw 3 is one of my favorites of the Saw movies. It is a chilling character story and it answers a lot of questions all while raising even more. It also has one of the greatest misdirects ever in a movie!

At the end of Saw 2, we learned that Amanda is Jigsaw's protegee. She helped him orchestrate not only the game from that movie, but she also helped him set up the game from the first one. This chapter explains a lot more about her involvement in the Jigsaw story. He wants her to carry on his life's work.

But we quickly learn that John Kramer (aka Jigsaw) is always testing people, even those we think he may trust.

Saw 3 starts by giving us more information about Detective Matthews from Saw 2. At the end of that movie we saw him chained to a pipe in that fateful bathroom. This movie starts right where #2 left off. From there we are taken to another Jigsaw crime scene being investigated by detectives. Kerry, the confirmed expert on Jigsaw, is called to the scene and she worries that it's Matthews who is still missing. After finding out that the victim isn't him, she begins to realize that this "game" doesn't match Jigsaw's others. Thus far, his games have been escapable - Amanda is proof of that. But this latest test was performed behind a door that had been welded shut. There was no way for the victim to escape even if he had passed the test.

We also meet a new character: Mark Hoffmann. His screen time is short here, but his importance to the story will be huge later.

Later, Kerry is at home reviewing the tape from this latest victim when she herself is abducted and put in a trap. She is... well, I better not ruin what happens to her...

The story shifts to the focus characters of this movie. We a meet a doctor named Lynn and a man named Jeff. We learn that Jeff is still mourning the death of his son who was killed by a drunk driver. Jeff's test is one of forgiveness because he will soon face a witness to the accident who ran instead of testifying. He will face the judge who only sentenced the drunk driver to 6 months. Finally, he will face the drunk driver himself. In all the cases, those people's lives are in his hands. Can he find a way to forgive them and save them from the horrible deaths?

During all of this, the doctor is assigned with keeping a VERY ill John Kramer (Jigsaw) alive during Jeff's game. She is fitted with a gruesome collar that will blow her head off if Jigsaw's heart monitor flat lines. Using only crude tools, she has to perform an operation on his skull to relieve pressure on the brain. This is one of the most realistic surgeries ever performed on film, hands down.

Amanda is in this one, too. As the movie progresses, she gets more unhinged. Jealousy and anger still rule her life as though she has learned nothing from Jigsaw's tests. She clearly loves him, but these bitter emotions still get the best of her. She is there to keep Lynn in check, but at the same time, it's as though Amanda needs to be kept in check, too.

All of this builds to a pretty amazing conclusion and another twist... Well, more a series of twists. One of them relates to the misdirect that I mentioned earlier.

For all the horrific torturing these movies depict, there is quite a story being told. I'm probably a sick man for loving these movies as much as I do, but I swear it's all about the story! Much like a guy flipping through a porn magazine for the articles. I SWEAR!

Halloween Movie Night #23 - Jennifer's Body

2010-10-26T19:36:00.000-07:00

Okay, I'm just going to say it: I really don't see the appeal of Megan Fox. I know straight guys really dig her. Apparently she's...I don't know...hot, or something? Whatever. I guess it's a straight guy thing and I just wouldn't understand. Although, I have found women attractive before (not that I wanted to have sex with them) and I just don't see the same qualities in Megan Fox that I have seen in those other women.

Maybe she's not my type?

I'm not that fond of her as an actress, either, though that's probably because the only other movies I've seen her in were the Transformers movies, the second of which was a waste of every living (and non-living) resource on this earth.

I hadn't heard anything good about Jennifer's Body. The reviews hadn't been favorable and a quick look at it on IMDB.com showed that it barely has a 50% rating. That's a failing grade in school and it's even worse for movies. When I saw that it was playing on HBO, though, I decided to have Tivo record it. So, I lose nearly two hours of my life. It's better than paying for a rental and THEN losing nearly two hours of my life.

I ended up liking the movie, though. First, it was written by Diablo Cody who also wrote Juno. People tend to either REALLY hate her stuff or REALLY like her stuff. I am definately the latter. This dark comedy shifts so quickly between witty dialogue and horiffic scenes that you almost catch yourself laughing at something truly gruesome. As with Juno, the success of Jennifer's Body lies with Cody's acerbic wit. For example, shortly after being run through the stomach by an oar, a character looks up and asks, "Got a tampon?"

Jennifer, (Megan Fox) is the victim of a sacrifice to Satan by a struggling indie-rock band. Unfortunately, they mistake her for a virgin and apparently when such a mistake is made, the result is demonic possession rather than hit records (though the band tends to do pretty well following the attempted sacrifice). Jennifer becomes a boy-devouring undead girl, preying on anything with two legs and a penis.

For me, the better performance in the movie came from Amanda Seyfried who sang her way through Mama Mia! but to me will always be the girl from Mean Girls who "like, must have ESPN or something!" One reviewer I read said she has eyes as big as an alien from Avatar and that is no joke! Frankly, I think she's much prettier (gorgeous, even) than Megan Fox. She's also a better actress.

Playing the boyfriend to Amanda's nerdy girl is Johnny Simmons who is pretty damn adorable. He was in the movie Hotel for Dogs and more recently in Scott Pilgrim vs. The World. Though none of the boys in the movie are given any real depth of character, Simmons' Chip at least has some. This movie, though, is all about the ladies. Thankfully, they at least gave this cutie some shirtless scenes.

Jennifer's Body was a pleasant surprise (and I gotta say that I never thought I'd say something like that).

Halloween Movie Night #22 - Saw 2

2010-10-26T19:16:00.000-07:00

Part two of the horrific trilogy begins with a guy strapped into a venus-fly-trap-contraption set to snap shut on his head in 60 seconds unless he can dig the key out from behind his eye in time. This began the pattern of opening the movie with a death game, only this one was unrelated to the story.

Saw 2 tells the story of several people who wake up in a mysterious house that is leaking poisonous gas into their lungs. The antidotes are hidden around the house and each is hidden behind a different game - each one relating to a particular character's specific sin in life. One of the "players" in Jigsaw's twisted game is the son of a police detective who discovers his son's participation while trying to arrest Jigsaw. We discover that this is also a game for the detective - all he has to do is sit and talk to Jigsaw, while his son continues to breathe in the toxic poison. If he does this, Jigsaw promises that the boy will be found in a safe location, but can we really believe the promise of a serial killer?

Except Jigsaw isn't really a killer and one of his specific traits is that he doesn't lie.

Also interesting in this sequel is the promotion of a minor character from the first one - a drug addict named Amanda. She is the only known survivor of one of Jigsaw's games and she is back. Apparently she didn't learn her lesson the first time around, so she is one of the victims in the poison-infested house.

We don't really learn much more about Jigsaw in this movie, other than the fact that his cancer is really dragging him down. He's still as wry as ever, though. Still one has to wonder how exactly he's able to acomplish everything he does in his declining state...

One last joy for me about this film is the fact that Beverly Mitchell is in it. She played darling Lucy Camden on the hit TV show 7th Heaven and though there really isn't much for her to do in this - and she often just seems like Lucy Camden dying of poison - it was still cool to see her in this.

As with the previous installment, there is a twist that is pretty damn cool.

Halloween Movie Night #21 - Saw

2010-10-24T22:20:00.000-07:00

I realize that most people in this world do not like the Saw movies. Yes, they are very gory, sick and twisted, but even my co-worker who loves that kind of stuff is sick of these movies. The reason I really like the Saw franchise is that they are really damn clever. The story that they keep telling with each new installment just keeps getting better and better. Even when the particular movie you're watching isn't the best in the series, it still has something to add to the overall story. For someone like me who is a writer, that's really fun.

Another thing I really like about the Saw movies is the villian Jigsaw. This villian will go down in history as one of the best. Much like the Ed Harris character from The Rock, Jigsaw has good intentions. Yes, he sets up these horrific "games" which are little more than glorified torture devices and forces his unwilling players to torture themselves in order to play. But there is one thing in common that all of Jigsaw's victims have in common: they are bad people. Jigsaw picks people who need to learn lessons about life - usually lessons about the values of life. As a man dying of cancer, John Kramer has learned to value life and by putting his victims in these horrible situations, he is trying to teach them to value theres. Or they die trying.

As they say repeatedly in the Saw movies, John Kramer (aka Jigsaw) never once kills anybody. He offers them a choice: live or die.

This first Saw movie finds two man (Dr. Lawrence Gordon and Adam) chained to pipes in a grungy bathroom. They soon learn that they must trust each other to figure out how to survive this game that has been thrust upon them. Through flashbacks, more information is given about Jigsaw, the man who is forcing them to play. Also, information is given about the two men and the lives they lead. We soon find out exactly why Jigsaw has chosen them to play his morbid game.

Soon into the game they find hacksaws and they figure they are to use them to cut through the chains. They realize, however, that the idea isn't to cut through the chains, but rather their feet. People assume that the hacksaws are what gave the movie its name. More accurately, I think the title Saw refers to the fact that the victims are always being watched. Jigsaw is always watching the game.

This is one sick movie, but if you can look past the gore, there's a really cool story being told. There is one hell of a twist that had everyone in the theater gasping once it was revealed. I still get excited when I get to that point in the movie. All the movies in the franchise have a "twist" to the plot revealed at the end, but few of them have had the impact as that first one.

I am re-watching all of these Saw movies this week because on Friday Saw 7 (yes, Saw #7) is hitting theaters in the 3D format. They actually filmed it in 3D, too... they didn't film it and then reformat it later - a trend that I find more disgusting than the gore in the Saw movies. I can't wait to see Saw 7 and my excitement grows with each Saw movie that I rewatch!

Halloween Movie Night #20 - Mostly Ghostly

2010-10-24T16:51:00.000-07:00

I started to watch The Last House on the Left (a remake of a Wes Craven movie) today, but turned it off when it got to the brutal rape scene. It wasn't so much the rape scene that made me stop watching as it was the stupid story. There seemed to be no point to anything that any of the characters did, including the rape. I read the plot outline on wikipedia and discovered that the rape was merely a plot point to encourage revenge in the girl's parents. Revenge movies are not very original any more. So I stopped the movie, deleted it from Tivo and looked for another movie to watch.

Mostly Ghostly ended up being quite the opposite of the movie I started watching. It was funny at times and corny at others. Two kids named Nicky and Tara suddenly discover that no one is listening to them or can see them. They are, in fact, now ghosts. They encounter a boy named Max who is now living in their house. Max is a wannabe magician, despite the fact that his father would rather he be more into sports.

The three eventually discover that an evil ghost named Phear plans to release a bunch of evil spirits on the town and they are the only ones who can stop him. Nicky and Tara's parents tried before, but failed - though how they failed is never explained. Of course, Max will be able to succeed, so Nicky and Tara enlist him for the job.

So, while Mostly Ghostly won't win any awards for plot development or even for special effects or acting, it was a much better choice than the movie I started watching!

Halloween Movie Night #19 - The Covenant

2010-10-23T21:22:00.001-07:00

The Covenant really did not get very good reviews. I happened to see it playing on FX and was able to record it, but as I looked at the wikipedia page, I began to wonder if I wanted to waste my time with it. What kept me interested in it was the concept of vulnerability bestowed on the warlocks in the story.

Four guys have been living in a Massachuttes town, so close that they are like brothers. Their families are direct descendents of witches that were around during the times of the Salem witch trials, so to protect themselves, they form a covenant to keep their powers hidden; though you wouldn't know it from the way the four boys use their powers in front of everybody!

What I liked about this idea was the fact that with the blessing of the powers also comes a curse: use the powers too much and you age prematurely. The powers are addictive and it is too easy to use them too much and age yourself too quickly. I love this idea! Vulerability among witches - at least like this - isn't something you see often in movies.

The conflict comes in the story comes from the revelation that there is a fifth family whose power is long-though gone since the Salem witch trials. Of course, we soon find out differently when a fifth warlock comes on the scene and challenges Caleb to his powers.

While The Covenant isn't a spectacular movie, it is definately of a better quality than say... certain movies and books about a vampire/wherewolf'/human girl love triangle. The acting is MUCH better, too. There are problems with the movie, but it's entertaining and offers an interesting angle on the magical powers of witches theme.

Halloween Movie Night #18 - Button, Button

2010-10-22T20:15:00.000-07:00

Last year, Cameron Diaz and James Marsden were in a movie called The Box. It wasn't very successful, but it did draw attention to this long-forgotten (except by me) episode from the 80's version of the Twilight Zone. When I first saw the story back in the 80's called Button, Button it scared the crap out of me and the whole concept behind the story has stayed with me all these years.

A white trash couple, clearly desperate for money, are one day given a box with a glass dome on top of it. Inside the glass dome is a red button and accompanying the box is a note promising that a visitor will arrive the next day to explain things to them. An odd-looking man does indeed show up and explains to the wife that should they choose to push the button two things will happen. First, someone whom they do not know will die. Second, he will give them $200,000, tax free.

For days they agonize about what to do until finally the wife announces "I'm going to push it!" and she does. As promised, the strange man shows up with a briefcase full of money and...

As much as I am dying to spoil the ending, I just can't. It is much more effective when you watch the whole thing and experience it for yourself. Therefore, I will include the two parts of the episode for you to enjoy. You're welcome!

Okay, how AWESOME was that ending?

As for the 2009 expansion of this story, it was okay. The entire events of the TV episode happen within the first 30 minutes or so of the film. The rest of the film is dedicated to explaining who the man is and why he makes them the offer. It is full of special effects and creepy moments, but it is severely lacking in story and purpose. For me, the creepiest aspect to the story (and any horror movie, for that matter) is the NOT knowing and the movie completely ruins that.

This story isn't about why the strange man makes them the offer. The story is about why the couple makes the decision they do. Of course, the chilling last line of the TV episode is the perfect place to end the story. I am a firm believer in making the audience wonder and the TV show (as well as the Richard Matheson short story) does just that by not explaining anything beyond the stranger saying that he's going to give the box to another couple and give them the same offer - and it'll be someone that they don't know! How scary is that?!

Halloween Movie Night #17 - Hocus Pocus

2010-10-22T19:51:00.000-07:00

I put a spell on you! For movie night #17 (Oh yes, I know I am severely behind schedule...) I watched Hocus Pocus while on a field trip. This is one of those movies that I just have to see every year. Between Bette Midler belting out the best version of "I put a Spell on you" to ever be recorded (though sadly never released as a single or on a soundtrack) to Kathy Najimy flying around town on a vacuum cleaner to Sarah Jessica Parker jumping up and down giggling "amok, amok, amok, amok" Hocus Pocus is just plain fun! The three actresses play the Sanderson sisters, a trio of witches who suck the lives from children to maintain a youthful appearance - think of a rather morbid fountain of youth. Sarah lures the children into the woods with a siren song, Mary gathers the ingredients for the potion and Winnie... er... um... reads the ingredients out of her beloved book. Well, Winnie is the leader so why should she have to do any work? After killing his sister, the witches face off against a boy named Thackery Binx who is cursed to live forever as a cat - forget about nine lives, this feline boy gets infinity - shortly before they are gathered by the townspeople and hanged. At the hanging, however Winnie cackles out a spell that promises to bring them back should a virgin ever light the black flame candle. Enter Max, the skeptic, played by the adorable Omri Katz. Believing the legends to be "Hocus Pocus" he lights the candle and summons the witches and chaos ensues. The sisters have one night to suck the lives from all the children or forever be ashes to ashes and dust to dust. The movie didn't do well when it first hit theaters, but it's become a cult classic since being released on DVD. Odds are you know someone who loves this movie... or that person is you! I definitely can't make it through October without hearing Better Midler singing the show-stopping musical number midway through the film.

Halloween Movie Night #16 - Rocky Horror Picture Show

2010-10-20T09:48:00.000-07:00

Let's do the Time Warp again! I can't believe that this movie is only a couple months older than me! For its 35th Anniversary, The Rocky Horror Picture Show got a pretty decent face lift onto the high def blu ray format. I wish I looked as good. Is Rocky Horror the best movie ever made? No. It's campy fun that has developed into a cult hit phenomenon. Though it was a bomb at the box office when it first appeared in 1975, it found a new audience at midnight screenings and soon was developed the traditions of yelling things back at the screen, throwing props and people dressing up as the characters and performing up front right along with the movie. Though I have never actually been to a physical screening (Rocky Horror enthusiasts would call me a virgin), I know all about what goes on. I ended up buying the blu ray because they loaded it with a ton of campy extras. One thing missing from the blu ray (and the reason why I will keep my DVD copy) is the audio track featuring a recorded session of a midnight showing, complete with all the lines that have been traditionally excepted as Rocky Horror Picture Show viewing lines. The blu ray has a similar subtitle track with scripted lines you can shout, but it just isn't the same. Also included is a "prop box" with props you can select at the appropriate time - the digital ones promise to "save your plasma TV from getting ruined by messy props". Also, they auditioned performers who were filmed performing as characters which was made into a picture-in-picture option on the blu ray. As for the movie itself, it features Tim Curry as Frank 'n' Furter, a host to a stranded couple named Brad and Janet (Barry Bostwick and Susan Surandon). He has created a monster for himself, the title character Rocky. Frank is a little odd and so is the night that Brad and Janet are about to face. Rocky Horror is a campy musical horror film that is a LOT of fun to watch!

Halloween Movie Night #15 - The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad

2010-10-15T22:21:00.000-07:00

I decided to watch the classic Disney version of this Washington Irving story Legend of Sleepy Hollow. Has anyone else had difficulty finding a sympathetic character in this story? Ichabod is little more than a mooch who only dreams of marrying Katrina because she is rich and he wants the fortune she'll inherit. Brawn is little more than a bully who pushes his way into situations and self-appoints himself as the leader of a group. The object of their offection, Katrina, is a snobby rich girl who uses her looks and wealth to get whatever she wants.

Frankly, I wish the Headless Horseman would just get rid of all three of them.

Still, this is a classic tale and it's a fun tradition, despite the awful characters. I confess that I didn't watch the Mr. Toad portion of the 60-minute film and I'm probably missing out. If I have time, I'll watch it and blog about it, too.

Halloween Movie Night #14 - Frozen

2010-10-15T18:23:00.000-07:00

I learned about the movie Frozen while looking up info about a writer/director that I like named Adam Green. He came on the scene with the incredible horror flick called Hatchet (a movie I just bought on DVD and plan to watch again very soon) and another one called Spiral - both movies that I very much enjoyed. When I saw that he had also made this one, I immediately wanted to get it and see it. Thankfully, I remembered that a co-worker mentioned having it so the next day I begged her to lend it to me.

The premise is simple, yet really scary: three college students spend a Sunday on the ski slopes and convince the ski lift operator to let them go up right before closing to get one last trip down the slopes. Naturally, they are overlooked as the crew shuts down the lift and they are left hanging in the middle of it.

Already it's pretty scary. I wouldn't call this a horror flick, really, yet it is pretty horrific to think about being left out on a ski lift over night - or two or three nights. I really can't say any more about the plot without giving things away, though I will say that elements of horror to pop up.

After watching the movie I found some reviews where people claimed that this movie does for skiing what Jaws did for swimming. Then I read another review which revised that claim and compared this more to Open Water than to Jaws. I'd have to agree more with the second observation. This movie is all about being stranded and alone and the feelings of hoplessness that surround that situation.

While I didn't find Frozen to be more exciting than Hatchet (which is a gruesome slasher movie that I can't wait to see again) Frozen does work. The characters are likable and you really care about them - that's the only way a movie like this can even begin to work. The performances were fantastic. Kevin Zegers came from the Air Bud movies and another fantastic movie called Trans America with one of my favorite actresses Felicity Huffman (and he was naked in that one!).

Emma Bell as Parker does a great job with her character - moving away from the "poor me" aspect typical of characters in this type of situation. Yet at the same time, she does a great job of making you worry about her and care about her outcome.

Throughout frozen, though, I kept getting distracted by how much Shawn Ashmore looks like Eric Dane, McSteamy from Grey's Anatomy. They must be related somehow!

I really did enjoy this movie. It moves a bit more slowly than some people may be able to take, but it's a good movie from a really great writer/director.

Halloween Movie Night #13 - Elvira: Mistress of the Dark

2010-10-13T20:13:00.000-07:00

I decided to take a break from the gore and violence and watched Elvira: Mistress of the Dark tonight. I had planned on watching this before watching Night of the Living Dead on Elvira's revived TV show and was a little leary given how little I thought of her comments during that movie.

Make no mistake, Cassandra Peterson's film debut as her macabre character is campy, silly, riddled with sexual inuendo and it is a LOT of fun! I found myself laughing a lot more than rolling my eyes. Some of Elvira's one-liners were actually pretty good, even if the delivery was mostly cheesy.

The highlight of the film was Edie McClurg as the purity-driven leader of the town's mob that eventually gets poor Elvira burning at the stake. McClurg is the bubbly actress that I first remember seeing on the 80's show The Hogan Family as the... well... bubbly and often annoying neighbor Mrs. Poole. My favorite moment from that show (well, at least the one I remember with the most fondness) was a little cheer she once did: "Don't be a fool, dial P for Poole! Uh Huh! Uh Huh!" Cheesy, I know, but that's the kinda thing that usually gets me laughing. She was also in my favorite scene from Planes, Trains and Automobiles as the Marathon clerk with the priceless line to Steve Martin: "You're fucked!" Let's face it, the woman has done a LOT!

So tonight's movie was a lot of fun and a welcome break from the gore I've been watching lately. There is a sequel called Elvira's Haunted Hills which I hope to get and watch during my run of macabre Halloween movies.

Halloween Movie Night #12 - The Evil Dead

2010-10-12T22:12:00.000-07:00

The Evil Dead is a creepy zombie movie that has a pretty strong cult following. Most of the reviews I read call it a classic and by all rights, it probably deserves that title.

Five college students end up at a decrepit cottage in the middle of nowhere and find themselves surrounded by trees that apparently really want them all dead. They find a book made from human skin and written with human blood and the journal tapes of its author who took his wife to the cabin to study...something.

One of the three women gets drawn out into the woods where she is stripped and raped by trees. No, I'm not kidding. This leads to her becoming possessed and attacking the other four college students. One by one they are attacked and transformed into possessed demons, though one of them ends up looking like a little girl who got into mommy's makeup.

It was pretty interesting that the three women were the first to transform and start harrassing the others. The two men are left trying to figure out what is going on and what to do about it. Some might make the claim that this movie is all about women being the weaker sex and therefore easier to possess, but I'm not going to try and read too much into this.

There were some creepy and extremely gory moments in the movie and, while I will probably check out its sequels and the movie I am Bruce, I probably won't be rushing to watch this original any time soon.

Halloween Movie Night #11 - The Hills Have Eyes 2

2010-10-12T20:46:00.000-07:00

The Hills Have Eyes 2 is one of those sequels that was probably rushed into production after the success of the first one. It didn't add anything to the original story because none of the characters from the first film are even in it. What we have in this film is a weak plot and even weaker characters.

The movie opens with a massacre of scientists who are studying the area. Nothing is told about the survivors of the family from the first film. I guess we are just to assume that they are the reason that the scientists are there at all. One by one they are killed by the canibal mutants in the area.

My first big question about this movie was where in the hell did these mutants come from? All of the main mutants were killed in the first one. I guess this fact was an issue for the mutants from the sequel becuase they're whole point seems to be to rape women who happen on the remote area and force them to birth new mutants after which the women are killed.

We are barely introduced to the "Bad News Bears" version of a military unit who are assigned the mission of bringing supplies (I think) to the scientists. Naturally, they find that everyone is dead and soon, they start dying, too. The canibalistic nature of the mutants isn't addressed as much in this one. This time, they seem content on just throwing the men around in an effort to get to the two women that they want to rape.

I'd spoil more of the movie, but I doubt anyone should actually see it anyway. While the first film was extremely violent and gory, at least the story was interesting and the victims were given enough character traits to make their deaths of more concern. The military people in this sequel are so two-demensional that I doubt even re-releasing this in the 3D format would be enough to make them interesting. Oh crap, I'm giving them ideas, aren't I?

Halloween Movie Night #10 - Night of the Living Dead

2010-10-11T08:40:00.000-07:00

I watched Night of the Living Dead as part of an 80's icon comeback. Remember Elvira? She is apparently making a return to her TV show Elvira's Movie Macabre and Night of the Living Dead was the first movie to be showcased.

I have seen Night of the Living Dead before and though it is responsible for the whole idea of zombies as we know it today, it's a pretty cheesy movie. I still don't know what the useless blond Debbie's whole point of being in the movie was. While Ben (Elvira calls him a "young Barack Obama") is busy boarding up windows and doors, Debbie just sits on the couch in a daze. When other characters enter the picture and start arguing, Debbie just sits on the couch in a daze. Every time someone notices her, they give her an odd look until someone explains "her brother died" as though that excuses her pointless existence. She even fades into the story with no real resolution to her character, though by that point I didn't really care.

I realize that Night of the Living Dead is a classic and I shouldn't be so hard on it since it was made in the 60's. Still, even Psycho, also made in the 60's manages to capture my attention more.

What may have ruined this viewing of the film for me was Elvira. She would pop on the screen every now and then with a Mystery-Science-Theater-style comment. At one point, Debbie picks up the phone to see if it's working and a bubble popped up with Elvira pretending to be on the other line. The gag was as unfunny and pointless as Debbie's existence in the movie.

Bookending the commercial breaks was a weak storyline about Elvira returning her basement studio to the look of a lair. While holding a can of dust, she explains that she's "dusting." She goes through a box of old props and makes stupid comments about things she pulls out. I'm guessing that since I never saw her show back in the 80's, I'm missing the point of her character. I did see her live show once at Knott's Scary Farm and I remember her jokes being funnier. For example, she commented that the rollercoaster Corkscrew was going to be removed from the park. Her insight was that "there would be no more screwing around at Knott's." It's cheesy, but it's funny and I still remember that joke to this day. Another joke I still remember was when she called her tits "Lethal Weapon 1 and Lethal Weapon 2".

Halloween Movie Night #9 - The Hills Have Eyes

2010-10-09T23:04:00.000-07:00

Oh, man...

The Hills Have Eyes was sick on SO many levels! I probably should have watched this one during the day rather than at night.

A family is traveling through the desert in an SUV and a camper. They stop for gas at this creepy station and are given directions for a shortcut by the proprietor. Of course, this leads them to a dead end, a crashed vehicle and a menagorie of deformed cannibals.

The less said about this one the better.

I also have the sequel, but I'm not sure if I'm going to delve into that one. Several reviews of it indicate that it's pointless and not very good. This one was interesting, but MAN was it gory. I think my next Halloween movie will have to be a cute Disney one again! Seriously! Maybe I should start getting into the Halloweentown series.

Halloween Movie Night #8 - Where the wild Things Are

2010-10-09T19:40:00.000-07:00

I have been wanting to see Where the Wild Things Are for awhile now. I didn't see it in theaters. I've actually never even read the book. I was trying to figure out how make it fit into my "Halloween movies" theme, hoping that the fact that the wild things looked like monsters would be enough to justify it.

So, it's not a horror movie with disemboweling crazies ripping people apart or a manic killer massacring people on a grand scale. It's not even about Halloween. But I think it fits anyway, because it's about wrestling with your inner demons. Max is a kid with a lot of anger issues and this adventure that he goes on in the movie shows him how distructive that kind of behavoir can be to the ones you love.

Besides, aren't inner demons just as scary as any of the ones dreamt up by Stephen King or Dean Koontz or Wes Craven? I just took a moment to speak to my inner demons and they informed me that I should not fear them, that they are my friends. I think that just reinforces my theory.

I enjoyed Where the Wild Things Are. It's not a splashy movie with explosions, nudity or car chases, but it's got a great message and cast and it was fun to watch.

I did a little research about Maurice Sendak, the author of the book and was excited to discover that he wrote and illustrated one of my favorite books from childhood: In the Night Kitchen. That is apparently one of the top banned books of all time because the kid in that is nude (with frontal shots) for much of the book.

As I read more about Sendak, I also learned that he came out of the closet in a 2008 article. Maybe that's why I was so into the book In the Night Kitchen when I was a kid. I keep hearing Maurice Sendak's name a lot during the holidays, too, because he disigned the costumes and sets for the local Pacific Northwest Ballet's annual Nutcracker Suite production. I still have never seen that either...maybe this year I'll check it out.

Halloween Movie Night #7 - A Nightmare on Elm Street

2010-10-07T20:36:00.000-07:00

I don't think this one really needs an introduction. We all know Freddy Kruger. Tonight I watched the 1984 Wes Craven classic A Nightmare on Elm Street. It's not hard to understand why this movie has stood the test of time. Even by today's standards, the special effects they accomplished back then are pretty amazing. Did they even have CGI back then? I'm guessing most of what they did was practical by necessity.

Legendary Robert Englund brought to life one of cinemas scariest villians. It's a shame that they decided to "reboot" this series with a re-imagining of the story this year. A new actor took on the role of Freddy and, while I've read he did a good job, he just wasn't Englund. I think it would be like someone else playing Forrest Gump instead of Tom Hanks. I tried to rent the remake through Netflix, but they are required to put a month-long hold on the movie which means I won't be able to rent it until after Halloween. BOO!

Oh well, the classic is enough for me. You've got horror master Wes Craven, one hell of a creepy bad guy and.... ah yes.... Johnny Depp! *sigh*

Halloween Movie Night #6 - Trick 'r Treat

2010-10-06T21:35:00.000-07:00

Tonight's Halloween movie was Trick 'r Treat. A friend who is reading my blog suggested a list of Halloween movies and specials and this one was on it. I happened to see it at Best Buy for $10 on blu ray and after reading some reviews (and seeing that True Blood's Anna Pacquin is in it) I ended up buying it. Thank you, Ryan! This movie was awesome!

So far the movies I have blogged about have been Disney fare, cute Halloween movies and specials that really pose not much of a threat. But Trick 'r Treat? This is the EXACT opposite of anything Disney (unless you count the horror or Eisner's last years, which come pretty close).

The film involves four stories with no real link except a kid wearing a burlap sack over his head and an orange jumpsuit. We never learn his name, but Wikipedia told me he is Sam. Okie dokie.

I can't even begin to explain the stories. Saying anything about them gives away the fun of experiencing them as they happen. Just know that they are sick, twisted, terrible and REALLY awesome! They are laid out in such a way that characters major to one story are shown in the background for others, to help establish the timeline. I love this kind of story telling where you see the same story from different vantage points.

On the blu ray's cover, there was a promise that this movie is "The best horror anthology in years." If it isn't, I don't know what is.

Halloween Movie Night #5 - Mickey's House of Villians

2010-10-06T11:21:00.000-07:00

Tonight's Halloween special is Mickey's House of Villians and comes from the early 2000's when Disney had the show Disney's House of Mouse. The concept of the show was a showcase for Disney cartoon shorts, both old and new, with a small story-line running between them at Mickey's happening club, The House of Mouse. For those of you who were growing up in California, it was a lot like The KCAL Kids, which featured three kids running around Disneyland having adventures in between Disney cartoon shorts, only Disney's House of Mouse was all animated and featured newly produced shorts.

For this halloween dvd, Disney's villians take center stage and take over Mickey's club at midnight. Of course Mickey, with help from Minnie, Donald, Daisy and Goofy, foil their plans, all while showing some classic and new halloween-themed cartoon shorts.

What I love about the House of Mouse concept was that people who are fans of lesser-shown Disney-animated characters might have a chance to glimpse them because Mickey's Club is popular with all of Disney's animated characters and Disney tried to show as many as they could during wide-angle shots.

I also love the classic cartoons shown in this Halloween DVD - Trick or Treat (featuring Witch Hazel who helps Huey, Duey and Louie trick back Uncle Donald in a spooky way) and the classic Lonesome Ghosts (where ghost hunter Mickey, Donald and Goofy are summoned to a haunted house to deal with some mischevous ghosts). There are also a couple newly produced cartoon shorts, including one that sounds like it was written by Dr. Seuss in which Mickey deals with a mechanical house of horrors! Another called "How to Haunt a House" shows "dearly departed" Goofy trying his best to teach the audience how to be a haunt, only Donald won't cooperate. I love this return to the classic "how to" Goofy cartoons. Also enjoyable, is the fun little song that the villians sing as they take over Mickey's club.

Halloween Movie Night #4 - SNL Halloween Special

2010-10-05T13:21:00.000-07:00

Tonight's halloween special was a look back at the years when Saturday Night Live was fun to watch. Okay, that's not fair - it's sometimes fun to watch current episodes (I have higher than normal hopes for Jane Lynch hosting this weekend), but these sketches all came from the years better SNL years.

Hosting the special were Wayne and Garth, bookending the special with top ten lists. The skits varried from spoofs on The Twilight Zone to a gay vampire starring John Travolta. Like a typical SNL show, the skits were hit and miss - and they often ran too long past the initial joke.

Chris Farley made an appearance as the motivational speaker Mike (you know, the guy who lives in a VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER!) trying to teach a couple of unruly teens how inappropriate it is to pull Halloween pranks.

Another classic was Anna Gasteyer as Martha Stewart, giving advice on how to fashionably toilet paper and ex husband's house. Hilarious. And of corse, the opening skit featured Landshark, the classic bit where Gilda Radner is afraid to open the door as 2am on Halloween Night. "Unicef man? Oh, well that's different!" LANDSHARK!!

For me, the worst skit of the special was Adam Sandler (as himself) with halloween costume ideas. With such ideas as "crazy man with a pickle for an arm" or "crazy eye man" it's hard to understand why the audience was actually laughing. It's probably just me. I've never really been a fan of Adam Sandler's humor. I know most everyone thinks that he is hilarious, but is it really comedy when the funniest line in the skit is at the end when Kevin Neelon takes out a cigar, holds it up to his chin and says "Hey! I'm crazy cigar-chin guy" and Sandler says "Once again you topped me again, Neelon!" It just isn't very funny to me.

Halloween Movie Night #3 - Pornography: A Thriller

2010-10-03T20:18:00.000-07:00

Yeah, yeah, I know what you're thinking: is this movie really about what the title suggests?

Yep. It is.

It was one of those odd movies that was suggested to me on Netflix; one of those "based on your interest in these movies, we think you'll like..." kind of suggestions. It arrived in my mailbox on Saturday and since the word "thriller" was in the title, I figured it would work in my Halloween tradition.

Pornography: A Thriller (2009) is told in three acts.

The first part deals with the last days of a gay porn star who disappears around the time that he's trying to get out of the business. He is offered a private "job" for $40,000 and he realizes that this may be his last chance to get out of pornography for good, so he takes it.

Fourteen years later, the second part of the movie continues. Michael is a writer who is working on a book about the history of gay porn. In his research he comes across the name of Mark Anton (the gay porn star from the first act) and little by little, he starts to learn more about the horrible truth surrounding Mark's disappearance.

The third act deals with a porn star named Matt, who looks an awful lot like Sylar from the TV show Heroes. He apparently dreams the first two acts and hammers out a script for a "thriller porn" that he wants to direct. He takes the idea to his porn company and they agree to let him direct if he stars in it. As he begins the process of filming, he finds out that there really was a porn star named Mark and he gets finds himself getting deeper into the mystery.

Reviews I read compared this movie to something by David Lynch and it basically is. The story is confusing, the ending is bizarre and the reality in the movie is ridiculous. Also, there is a lot of male nudity.

I'm not sure I fully understood what the movie is about or, for that matter, what really happened. The events at the end really don't clear anything up - much like a David Lynch movie. The production value of the movie is far superior to other low-budget movies I've seen, but it carries with it the stink of pretentiousness.

Halloween Movie Night #2 - Mr. Boogedy

2010-10-02T23:11:00.000-07:00

For Halloween Movie night #2, I take a nostalgic look back on my childhood. Back in 1986, Michael Eisner revitalized the Disney movie night by hosting original made-for-TV Disney movies on (if I remember correctly) Sunday nights.

One of my favorite of those movie events involved a movie called Mr. Boogedy (1986). Eisner's introduction to the movie showcased the wizards of special effects and I remember several items from his desk floating up into the air.

Well, I was doing some exploring on the internet yesterday and discovered that someone had made a torrent file of a DVD they made of not only Mr. Boogedy, but its sequel, Bride of Boogedy. Naturally I was VERY excited, since I hadn't seen the movie in years. After 12 long hours, I had the complete file downloaded and was able to burn a copy of the DVD.

Tonight I had a rare Saturday field trip (the pay for Saturday trips is overtime pay, so they are a literal gold mine!) so I took my laptop with me so I could recapture a small piece of my childhood. For some reason, I remember Mr. Boogedy being a longer movie, but it only clocked in at around 45 minutes.

The story tells of a family moving to a creepy old house in a very devilishly named town. Soon, they are hearing evil laughing, creeky steps and... someone sneezing. Despite a not-so-subtle warning from their Realtor, they stay in the house and are soon

There are some surprisingly big names in this movie. John Astin (best known for playing Gomez Addams on the Addams Family TV show) has little more than a cameo in the movie (But OH what a role it is!) and some funny, if not corny, moments.

80's teen star Kristy Swanson stars as the family's oldest child and she delivers some dated pop culture lines such as "I bet nobody hear has even heard of Bruce Springsteen!".

As the youngest child in the family is Benji Gregory, best known for his role as the son on the TV show ALF. As I remembered from watching this as a kid, he was pretty adorable.

The biggest surprise that hit me tonight as I watched Mr. Boogedy was the fact that the middle son was played by none other than a VERY young David Faustino best known for his role as Buck on the TV show Married With Children. I never realized that until tonight - probably because we weren't allowed to watch Married with Children when we were kids. Oh, how deprived we were!

Mr. Boogedy provides some VERY corny, but great Halloween fun. If you are lucky enough to find a copy of it, enjoy!

Halloween Movie Night #1 - The Scream Team

2010-10-02T23:02:00.001-07:00

It has become a tradition for me to watch a Halloween or Horror movie every night during October, but this will be my first year blogging about it.

For Night #1, I chose a movie called The Scream Team (2002). I had recorded the movie on Tivo last year, but never watched it, so I killed two birds with one viewing - I watched the movie and made room on my usually full Tivo.

There were some well-known actors in the movie, my favorite being Kathy Najimy from Sister Act fame. Her part wasn't huge in the movie, but she was, as always, funny. Eric Idle played an aging ghost (is that even possible?) and comedian Tommy Davidson played his sidekick.

The story involves a brother and sister who arrive at a town plagued by a pyromaniac ghost who died 300 years ago. Their grandfather has recently passed away and they quickly discover that his spirit hasn't moved on. Worse still, their grandfather is kidnapped by this pyromaniac ghost and his soul is used to help fuel the revenge the pyromaniac ghost is seeking for his sullied bad name in the town.

It was a goofy yet very cute movie.

Am I an American?

2010-09-21T19:09:00.000-07:00

I'm proud to be an American, where at least I know I'm free - to not marry a man should I ever fall in love.

And I won't forget the men who died who gave that right to me - except the gay ones who are forced to hide who they really are for fear of being kicked out of the military.

I've been thinking a lot about that song "Proud to be an American" today. Actually, the first moment the lyrics popped into my head today was right after I found out that the republicans (aka, the party of no) led by the Grand Old Flip Flopper John McCain (who said during his campaign for the presidency in 2008 that he would gladly review the repeal of Don't Ask Don't Tell should military leaders come forward with their support for a repeal) did in fact block the efforts today to repeal that 17-year-old stain on America's history.

Of course, as I sang the lyrics to myself, they were laced with sarcasm. I must be completely honest: right now, I really am not proud to be an American. I'm not saying that I want to move to Canada or anything, and I fully appreciate the freedom that I take advantage of (often taking it for granted) on a daily basis.

Yet, as a gay man, I don't exactly have all the freedoms of everyone else, do I? If I was lucky enough to be dating a guy and falling in love with him, there really would be no hope on the immediate horizon that I could publicly declare my love for him in a marriage ceremony. When you are being treated like a second-class citizen, it is sometimes difficult to think of yourself as a citizen at all.

As I have thought about the vote that was made today, I think back on all the stories I have heard lately about the gay soldiers forced to leave the military because of Don't Ask, Don't Tell. In many of those cases, they were asked, or someone told on them. How exactly does that follow the not-so-apparent guidelines?

Today, I am really not proud to be an American. I am saddened by the state of America and by the political players who are so full of hate, homophobia and lies (and bullshit) that they will do everything they can to make lives miserable for 10% of the Americans they are supposed to be working for.

Interpretation

2010-09-04T20:52:00.000-07:00

Last week was the first week of school and as the morning portion of my route wasn't running yet, I had the opportunity to cover the morning portion of a sick driver's route. Towards the middle of the week, they had a new driver ride along with me because he will be driving the route next week, and they wanted to give him an idea about how the route works.

Anyway, there was a portion of the route where we had about 45 minutes of downtime and we did a little bit of chatting. I had told him that I am gay in conversation (no, it wasn't something I just threw out there, hoping he is, too). He told me that he is a very religious person and he believes that being gay is wrong and his argument, as is so often the case, was that in Romans it says "And I quote" (he actually said that) "that a man shall not lie with another man and a woman shall not lie with another woman." Unfortunately, I didn't have a Bible with me so I couldn't prove him wrong, but I told him "Actually it doesn't say that." He didn't believe me, but I looked it up later and I was right.

Here is what it does say in Romans 1:26-27: "Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones. In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed indecent acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their perversion."

Now, it doesn't take a Biblical expert to see that nowhere in those verses does it say what that new driver claimed. As I read it, I just see a description of what was done and an assertion that such actions are shameful. Any guy who has ever masturbated (and maybe some women, too) will tell you that they felt ashamed after doing it. Does that make it wrong?

I have a feeling that when people call being gay "unnatural" they are probably referring to these verses. The word "natural" appears three times, twice in a positive way and once as a negative. But there are documented cases in nature where animals have gay sex - and let's be honest, there are some instances where gay sex often looks like a couple of animals going at it... But I digress...

It doesn't even say that the women had sex with other women! It just says they gave up "natural relations" for "unnatural relations" but it doesn't specifically say that the latter ones were with other women. Maybe they fell in love with unicorns. And then all the people went out and slaughtered them and that's why we don't have unicorns any more.

Now I will admit that the case of gay men in the passage appears pretty damning. It calls what they did "indecent" but frankly, isn't that just a judgment call? It doesn't even say in there that God was pissed they were doing it. It just says that what they were doing was indecent, shameful and unnatural. But those three words are human concepts. Those are human emotions, written by a human; specifically written by a man. I'm sure many women out there would agree with me that men make mistakes.

I also find it interesting that there is a footnote in the Bible where I found this passage. The Bible I used is the NIV study Bible that I got in college. 3/4 of the page is actual Biblical text and the other 1/4 is filled with interpretations by the publishers.

Here is what the publishers say about those two verses: "Homosexual practice is sinful in God's eyes. The Old Testament also condemns the practice (see Leviticus 18:22)." I'm not even going to go into the whole Leviticus debate because it's been done over and over. We've all heard the verses that condemn touching pigskin (so no football), wearing clothing of mixed fabric (so no cotton/polyester blends) and shellfish (NO MORE SHRIMP!) many times over. Aside from that, Christians believe that when Jesus died on the cross, he was throwing away those Old Testament laws (except for the 10 commandments) which is why the rules of Leviticus don't apply to Christians (except, I guess, for the practice of homosexuality).

But I take issue with the footnote interpretation that homosexuality is sinful in the eyes of God. They claim that these verses prove that God hates fags, but I just don't see the evidence! It doesn't say that in the text. It doesn't even say that in the verses that follow. Oddly, it says in the beginning that God gave them over to shameful lusts, which might be proof that God actually made us gay... I'm just saying.

Those footnotes are an interpretation and nothing more! They are the views the the publishers of the NIV study Bible came away with while reading the texts. Does that make them right? Does that make them gospel truth?

Do you remember the movie Goonies? I am probably the only person in the world who will ever compare the Bible to the movie Goonies, but yeah, what the hell; I'm going there. At the beginning of the movie, Mikey's mom comes home with that Hispanic woman and tells the kids that she is going to help them pack up. Then she asks Mouth (the Corey Feldman character) to interpret her instructions in Spanish for the Hispanic woman. As they goes through the house, Mouth misinterprets the instructions for his own shits and giggles. None of the other characters even know he is doing it - just the audience is in on the joke thanks to the humorous subtitles.

My point is that Mouth had an agenda and he purposely misinterpreted what was said for the Hispanic woman and that poor woman came away with some very frightening perceptions of what went on in that household.

I think the same thing is true with the Bible. Certain people interpret the texts and put their texts right there on the page, quite possibly in an attempt to fool people into thinking that those interpretations are also the words of God when in reality they are the product of an agenda. It's the same thing that Glenn Beck and Sarah Palin always do - they throw out their interpretations of social issues in a way that makes it look like what they are saying is the Fundamental Truth. Don't believe me? Glenn Beck has the balls to claim that he is the voice of God. I kid you not! He actually claims to be the vessel through which God apparently wants to voice ignorance and hatred and fear.

I just wish that we could have subtitles when people like Glenn Beck and Sarah Palin are speaking, just so that the people who actually listen to them would be able to see what they are really saying.

Same-sex marriage

2010-08-08T12:39:00.000-07:00

The big news to hit this week, at least for gay rights, was the news that Proposition 8 in California was ruled unconstitutional by Judge Vaughn R. Walker. Not surprisingly, the Family Research Council jumped into the fight, regurgitating their banal claims that same-sex marriage harms children and hetero-sexual marriages and society in general. They spew out numbers and "facts" that they claim support their theories, but it often appears as though something is missing. Watch how in the following video, David Boies, one of the leading attorneys responsible for getting Prop 8 overturned, exposes Tony Perkins, head of the Family Research Council, for the misinformed liar that he is

Ha ha ha... Wait... What did he just say?

2010-07-23T17:44:00.000-07:00

I was extremely excited last night. I am a member of the Crescent Club at the new Snoqualmie Casino in, you guessed it, Snoqualmie and with that membership come some amazing perks. Each month I get sent a mailer with coupons good for cash - actual cash - that they hope I'll put right into their slot machines.

Along with those coupons (usually on the back) is a calendar of coming events. Imagine my surprise when I noticed that the comedian Gallagher was going to be doing a show at the casino and that I was eligible for two complimentary tickets. Oh, did I forget to mention that perk, too? Yeah, they also include the option to get free tickets to select shows. How cool is that?!

When I saw the offer for the Gallagher show I immediately called and claimed my tickets. I had always enjoyed Gallagher's shows when I was younger. While the smashing of food is always thrilling, I remember his shows also being filled with interesting observations on life. An example would be along the lines of questioning why we park on a driveway and drive on a parkway. He has always been good at bringing things up that you don't really think about until he mentions them.

The night of the show finally arrived! I offered my extra ticket to a co-worker and former roommate (yes, the very one I sometimes complained about on this blog, don't judge me; he has a car and I needed a ride). We went to the box office to get our tickets, I went to the cashier to exchange my coupon for $10 cold hard cash, and then we hit the buffet.

I'm not sure if I have described the buffet at the Snoqualmie Casino. It's good. The chocolate fountain, though; the sweet cascading richness of heavenly joy? That, my friends, is to die for. I was a little worried that my building up of the chocolate fountain was a little much, but when my former roommate took his first bite, he agreed that it is very tasty.

We had left our jackets in the car and my friend decided that we should probably have them since the show was out doors. Sure, it's summer here and everyone in the country seems to be living with triple digit forecasts, but this is the Seattle area and it was overcast with a little breeze. Since our tickets were in the general seating section, I offered to go get the best seats I could find while my friend went to the car.

Shortly after I had found great seats, I noticed that a group of guys were posing for pictures. I figured that they were just taking future Facebook profile pictures and deciding on captions like "Me and the boys at the Gallagher show!" However, one of them left the others and started down the aisle in front of me. As I looked at the man, I suddenly realized that I had seen him somewhere. But where? He had long hair in the back and was bald on top. He looked like he was somewhere in his 60s. Man! Where had I seen him before.

He was almost past me when I realized that Gallagher was walking right past my seat! He smiled down at me as he passed and turned back when he realized I was staring at him. I asked if I could get a picture with him and he said, "Only if you're not going to give a camera to someone who has no idea how to use it and takes forever to get the picture." I held up my cell phone and said, "No, I can just hold it out in my arm and take it that way." I think the picture above turned out nicely!

He then signed my ticket stub and I thanked him profusely and returned to my seat where I sent the picture via text messages to my friends and family. I also called my friend and told him to forget about the jackets in the car and hurry to the stage area if he wanted a chance to meet Gallagher.

Up until he went on stage, he was posing for pictures, signing autographs and talking to his fans. I have NEVER seen a comedian do that before! The lady sitting next to me commented that it's just good PR and I agree, but I was very impressed that he was out connecting with his fans right before his show.

My awe didn't last too long, unfortunately. Gallagher hit the stage and chastised us for not giving him a big enough welcome. To be fair, he kinda just walked out without a big announcement or anything, so the audience was a little taken by surprise. We tried cheering again and his critique was "Well, that was a little better." What followed was the most interesting comedy routine I have ever witnessed.

I am used to shocking comedy. I'm a huge fan of Kathy Griffin who is no stranger to controversial comedy. I have a sick and twisted sense of humor that made me a fan of Kevin Smith's movies. But as I sat in the audience watching Gallagher perform, I was questioning many of his comments and jokes.

He had barely started the show when he noticed a guy in the audience heading toward his seat. "Hey, faggot," Gallagher called, "I notice you've got your hat on backwards. Is that because you aren't sure which way to go?" Within ten minutes, he pointed out two other guys and commented on their "faggy" attire. Later in the show, he called a guy up on stage who had on a "faggy pink shirt". When the guy got on stage and corrected Gallagher, saying the color was "salmon" Gallagher's response was "Call it whatever faggy color you want, it's still a faggy color."

The gay "jokes" didn't end there. He noted that there are two kinds of lesbians: The ugly ones and the pretty ones. Incidentally, Ellen DeGeneres is the ugly one. As for gay men, hell they're all prettier than your wife which makes no sense because they don't even face each other during sex. Later still, while making a "pie" that he would later smash with the Sledge-o-matic he said "I got a pie for the fags, too. This here is a fruit cocktail and it says right here on the can how do to it: cock, tail.... In a sweet syrup." He then mixed the fruit cocktail with Chinese food "for the orientals who should just be mixed in with the gays."

Gallagher also had some things to say about President Obama. "The man ain't black! He's got a white mom just like I do! If he wants to act like a black man then why doesn't he have a white wife? Obama is a latte. There is definite whole milk in there." While staying away from Obama's middle name, he did note that "There's even the word 'bomb" in his name!" He even brought up the birther conspiracy idea: "You ever met a black man that was born in Hawaii before? Nah, me either! So where exactly was he born?"

The racial jokes weren't limited to our black president, either. Mexicans, Chinese, Greeks and the French were also poked fun at by the comedian. As if to offset what he was saying, every time he heard groans or displeasure from the audience, he would grab a small American flag, wave it over his head and yell "FREE SPEECH! That's what makes this country so great!" Honestly, I half expected him to add, "Except for all the damn foreigners that are here" but he never did. Before long, though, I seriously started feeling like I was attending a Tea Party rally - especially when he'd start waving that American flag.

I don't want to make it sound like I didn't enjoy the show. I actually did, but this Gallagher was not the same watermelon-smashing comedian I remembered from the 80s and 90s. I remember social commentary in his act, but never stuff like this. Sure, Kathy Griffin has made a career making fun of people, but when she does it's at the people in Hollywood that she thinks do stupid things. She doesn't stoop to the lowest form of comedy: racial slurs.

After the show I sent a text to my brother: "Do you remember Gallagher being homophobic and racist before?" He responded that he didn't and added that he was probably to young to notice if he did.

The point of Gallagher's show was to teach us how to think for ourselves, to not follow the "norms" of society. He preached that message several times. That's a message I can support, but does he mean that in doing so we should yell out racial slurs because that's not the socially accepted thing to do? If so, well, I take issue with that.

I think what I witnessed last night was an old man who is just plain angry about everything. The point of a comedy show is to entertain, and for the most part, his show was entertaining, but why try to find laughter using the lowest form of comedy? To me, that's just lazy. Anyone can try to get a laugh by making racial judgments or picking on gay people. And saying "If it's true, it's funny!" doesn't make what you say any less racist.

This doesn't mean that I went home angry, ripping up the autographed ticket stub or deleting the picture I took with him. I'm just a little disappointed that a comedian I once thought was really funny, appears to be on the decline.

Since I don't want to end this blog entry on a Debbie Downer note, I'm going to include a video that was shared with me today. This video is extremely sweet and cute and it represents what I believe to be the best kind of comedy.

The Fire Under my Butt

2010-07-18T20:09:00.001-07:00

I am really struggling right now. I have a co-worker and friend named Liz. She was the first person that I came out to at work. Okay, honestly I didn't officially come out to her. She actually opened my closet door and asked if I was at all interested in coming out.

This happened a few months after we first met and started the process of becoming friends. I was sitting in my car killing time before it was time to clock in for work. I had just visited one of my favorite places in the entire world (the library) where I had just checked out a 6 CD set called "A Musical History of Disneyland" and I was playing one of the CD's while flipping through the historical book. I believe I was also giggling with glee but that is beside the point.

I was interrupted by a gentle tapping on my window. When I turned toward the source, I saw red-headed Liz standing outside my car with a concerned look on her face. I rolled down my window and said, "Hi."

I'm sure there was small talk that I don't remember, but eventually Liz addressed whatever was concerning her: "Peter, don't take this the wrong way... but... are you gay? If you are that is TOTALLY cool! I'm just curious..."

My natural and rehearsed response was to emphatically deny any ties with the GLBT community. Had this been an event to be later recorded in the Bible, I'm sure she would have asked me three times, each of which would have been denied and then we would have suddenly heard a rooster crowing in the middle of the afternoon.

After denying my true self I panicked and asked, "Why do you ask? Are people talking? Does everyone at work think that I'm gay?"

She immediately tried to sooth my worries by saying, "Oh no, not everyone..."

She eventually went for a smoke and I eventually clocked in for work, did my route and went home. Later that night I thought about how easily I had lied to her and guilt began settling upon me. I was in my late twenties by this time. Why was it so important to remain closeted. Telling a few select people that I trusted didn't mean I had to jump up on top of a school bus and yell across the lot that I was a flaming queen and just thought everyone should know!

The next day after my morning route I found Liz and asked her if she wanted to take a walk. The moment we had left the work building I asked her if she remembered the question she had asked me the day before. Of course she did.

"Well, I just wanted to say... what I mean is... that is, you should know... the answer actually is yes..."

Liz immediately began jumping up and down yelling "I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT!" Ignoring her breasts which were bouncing all around and were completely wasted on me, I said "Okay, but HOW did you know?!"

"Well, you love musicals, you LOVE Disney, you hate sports..." All those were gross stereotypes (that just happened to be completely true) and when I told her that she added, "In all the time that I've known you, you've never stared at my tits. Unlike all the other male drivers at work, when you talk to me, you actually make eye contact."

"Well, sure," I responded. "I'm just not that interested in them. No offense."

I also addressed my other concern: who else at work pegged me for a queer. It turned out that only a small group of people in Liz's circle of friends "suspected" and I would eventually come out to all of them and find tolerance and acceptance; mostly because many of them were lesbians.

Liz and I became closer friends, though not without obstacles. Her husband was convinced that I was a straight man playing the gay angle in an effort to steal his wife away from him. While I appreciated his confidence that I was even capable of such a deed, I just didn't (and still to this day don't) like Liz in "that way". Nevertheless, Liz told me that he didn't want us hanging around together outside of work until he had a chance to meet me.

"Once he meets you, he'll realize that you truly are gay and we'll be able to hang out!" Liz assured me.

"I'm not sure I want to meet him," I told her. "If he's going to be so childish, then I don't even want to meet him!" All that was missing was "Nanny Nanny Poo Poo!" Liz rolled her eyes in that same way she often does in reference to me.

I did eventually meet her husband at one of Liz's birthday parties. I was actually very nervous. I had no idea what he was suspecting. Should I shake his hand and then offer to give him a blow job?

"Does he like getting blow jobs?" I asked Liz shortly before meeting him. It was my understanding that most men, gay or straight, did enjoy getting them.

"Of course he does! I just hate giving them." Suddenly, I found a way to prove my homosexual desires to her husband. I offered to give him a blow job so she wouldn't have to. As far as I was concerned, it was win, win, win. He liked them, I loved giving them and she hated giving them. To my surprise, she declined my offer. I kept it out there, of course, for later consideration.

I finally met Liz's husband and I gotta say, he really doesn't much take after Brad Pitt, as she described him, but then, I've never really considered Brad Pitt my "type"... Shocking, I know. Don't get me wrong, I totally would have given him a blow job had Liz reconsidered my offer.

The following Monday, after the big meeting, Liz, grinning ear to ear, found me and declared that we could now officially "hang out" outside of work with her husband's blessing.

"He was actually very impressed that you're not a flaming gay guy," she informed me. I'll be honest, this surprised me. This man had, after all, assumed I was trying to steal his gal away. Didn't he want me to be an obviously gay guy as proof of my cock-sucking desires?

Over the years, Liz and I have maintained our friendship, though not without bumps. She is, after all, an Obama-hating-capitalism-loving-gun-toting-Republican and I am very much not. We rarely (if ever) agree politically. Liz often declares our time together a "no political zone" since any political discussions end with her suggesting we "agree to disagree" and me suggesting "okay, just as long as you realize that I am right and you are wrong".

Lately a new disagreement has fallen between us and, oddly, it isn't about the new Tea Party movement, though Liz unfortunately agrees with them on several issues.

Liz has recently started "writing a book." Liz is always trying new things. In the time that I have known her, she has tried getting a real estate license, trained to enter a triathlon and looked into the possibilities of becoming a personal trainer. While I admire Liz's propensity to try new things, she often loses interest in them, so when she declared that she was writing a book, I smiled, congratulated her and went on with my life.

For the next week Liz could be found lying on her stomach, penning her bestseller on the floor in a remote corner of our break room. By the end of the week she had written several pages in her notebook which she let me read when I finally asked. Despite changing from past to present tense many times, what she had written was pretty good and I told her so. She smiled and jumped around clapping her hands and I once again ignored her bouncing titties.

The following Monday, Liz came running at me with more excitement than usual.

"I may have a literary agent!" During the weekend she had found Writerdigest.com and had sent emails to a handful of literary agents seeking representation. One of them had responded with interest.

"That's great!" I told her. "Did you happen to mention your friend who also likes to write?"

She blinked a couple times and then said, "Uh, no, I didn't mention you to her."

"Well can I at least get her information from you?"

"Oh sure! No problem."

Later, through Facebook I got a message from Liz saying that she wanted to hold off giving me the literary agent's information and she would explain the next day. I already figured out why she wasn't sharing the information and when I finally asked her about it she confirmed that she didn't want any competition. She figured that if we both submitted our books to this woman that she might choose one of us over the other and Liz just didn't want to chance that mine would be picked over hers. I tried to explain that literary agents are only going to take on authors they think they can publish and since my book's genre is VERY different from Liz's we really aren't in "competition". Liz, however, still refused to pass on the literary agent's information to me and she was honestly surprised that this bothered me.

Now, Liz has informed me that the literary agent has submitted the synopsis of her book to a publisher and they want to publish it. I want to be excited for Liz, but frankly, I'm jealous! I have a book of my own that I have been working on since last November when I entered the annual Nanowrimo (National Novel Writing Month) competition. I have a first draft of the book and I am now working on the revision of it. Granted, I didn't do the work of finding potential agents on my own like Liz did, but couldn't she at least throw me a bone? She did try to explain how she found her agent in the first place, but when I tried to follow her instructions for finding the agent on the website, I couldn't find any information.

Liz wants me to be happy for her and I am, but I'm pissed off at myself. Why am I finding it so difficult to finish my book? Why has Liz managed to find an agent even though she's only written like three or so chapters? Why do all the agents I seem to find demand a finished product? Why do all the agents I find seem suspiciously like frauds?

As she usually does, Liz has lit a fire under my butt to get me motivated. I'm revising like mad, trying to get a finished product that I can start shopping out. At the same time, seeking an agent terrifies me! I'm starting to feel like George McFly in Back to the Future: What if they tell me I'm not good enough, what if they tell me to quit and give up my dream of being a writer?

Then again, George McFly did end up writing that science fiction book, but hell, he had a kid to go back in time and give him that confidence. All I have is a redhead with bouncing tits lighting a fire under my butt.

Maybe that's all I need?

Lady Gaga Today Show Performance, July 9, 2010

2010-07-10T14:58:00.000-07:00

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Vulgar vs Violent

2010-07-10T10:14:00.001-07:00

Today, my friend Neil brought up an interesting point. He was watching the movie Hot Fuzz on Comedy Central and there is a scene where the peak of a building smashes a guy's head. He sent a text to me commenting that Comedy Central has to censor the curse words but is aloud to show that shot of pretty horrific violence.

It's a pretty interesting observation! Neil's assessment was that violence is much more damaging to the youth of America than foul language and I agree with him 100%. What makes a word offensive? Let's say I was watching one of my favorite movies of all time with my friend from work Liz and we get to the scene where Jay asks Justice if he can call her "Boo Boo Kitty Fuck." I would laugh because I get Kevin Smith's humor and I think that line his hilarious. My friend Liz, however, might not get the joke and would think that Jay is degrading women - especially when he starts proclaiming himself as "the Master of the Clit!"

For me, what it boils down to is that those infamous words that George Carlin so brilliantly talked about as the words you can't say on TV are just words. The only way those words gain the power to be offensive is when people hearing them choose to find them offensive.

Violence transcends that, though. Later in Dogma, there is a shot of Ben Affleck's head exploding. Even people who can't stand Ben Affleck would have to agree that seeing that is pretty horrific. When someone's head gets chopped off in a movie, most everyone watching it would have the unified opinion that what they just saw was really awful.

As my friend Neil put it, "We make vulgar words vulgar, but we don't make violence violent."

I'm going to be an uncle!

2010-07-07T19:09:00.000-07:00

I truly couldn't possibly be any more excited than I am right now. I am going to be an uncle! I realize that my brother and his wife technically did all the work creating this little miracle. In a way, I feel a little bad because they will most likely never experience the joy that comes with finding out that you're going to be an uncle - odds are great that I'll never have kids. At the same time, I can't help but feel very jealous because my brother and his wife WILL have the one thing that I have always wanted: they are going to be parents.

Another thing I have been thinking about is what kind of uncle am I going to be? I live in Washington and my family lives in California. It is looking as though I'm going to be that gay uncle that my brother's kids barely know - maybe they'll see me once or twice a year and during those early years, they'll barely know me so they'll act all shy around me. I am really struggling with that. Part of me is toying with the idea of moving back to California, but then I'm not sure I could ever live there again. Plus with the current economy, it's not very wise to leave a job where I am FINALLY starting to get a little seniority and decent hours and start all over at a job down in California.

But I'm going to be the only uncle my brother's kids have since my brother and I were the only siblings in our family and his wife is an only child. Well, I'll be the only official one, anyway. My brother has plenty of friends who I am sure will adopt his kids as unofficial uncles and aunts (which I must confess makes me jealous all over again!).

I dunno, could I ever go back to living in California again?

Mike Time

2010-07-07T18:48:00.001-07:00

This morning, something triggered a memory. I was thinking about the first crush I got in high school. His name was Mike and we had biology together our sophomore year. That was it; just the one class. I hated that class and were it not for Mike being there, I would have fully resented having to show up for it at all.

The best part of the class, was when the bell rang--not only because class was over, but because this began my "Mike time", the time that I got to walk home with the object of my affection. My family lived a block away from the high school and Mike lived four blocks further in the same direction. I soon discovered that I could get more "Mike time" by walking past the street with my house. I did that for the entire year. I would walk with Mike to his house and then turn around and walk back to mine.

If Mike ever realized I was doing this, he never let on.

Those walks, the time in class, and a couple other random moments were the extent of my relationship with Mike. We never met up outside of school, never had sleepovers (DAMMIT!), never went to a movie or anything like that.

Yet, Nearly twenty years later, I still remember well the "Mike time" that I had.

I decided to look up Mike and discovered that he has a Facebook page. He also has a wife.

I forgot to mention that during my sophomore year, I did a LOT of fantasizing about Mike. In my mind, we were going to be boyfriends by the end of sophomore year, no longer versions by the end of our junior year and making a life-time commitment to each other by the end of our senior year. Naturally, we were going to enroll at the same college and arrange to be roommates. After college Mike would continue on to law school and I would work hard to help my love make his tuition payments. He was going to make partner by our tenth anniversary together, the party for which he would surprise me with a dog. By the time we were 30, we would have adopted our first child together and a second one by 32.

I pictured us growing old together and, yes, I pictured fantastic sex.

It's tough, though, when you see that last chance of reality dying right before you and I think that is especially hard for gay people - especially the hopelessly romantic ones like me who keep falling in love with straight guys. It isn't until you discover that those objects of your affection have gotten married that the fantasies really take a nose-dive. Until that moment, there is a tendency to grasp for that last chance no matter how hopeless the cause is in reality.

I haven't seen Mike since high school, but it wasn't until today when I saw his Facebook relationship status that I was finally able to let go of the last fleeting hope I didn't even know I was still harboring. It's a painful process.

College Reunion Weekend

2010-07-05T14:50:00.000-07:00

Last weekend was Pride in Seattle and it ended up being a reunion weekend for me. Saturday night I went to the Seattle Men's Chorus concert Glitter and be Gay, featuring the music of Leonard Bernstein and Stephen Sondheim. Also featured was the Seattle Women's Chorus who seemed to have a greater presence on stage - meaning more of them than the men's chorus. It was a fantastic show and while I do wish I'd sung and been part of it, it was exciting to sit and watch a show.

Before the show started, I was rushing across the theater to catch the attention of my ride home and someone called my name. I turned to see Missy Tade, a friend from college. It was so fun to see her again and catch up. We also promised to have dinner on our birthday (we both share the same day).

Sunday was all about the Pride Parade. First of all, the big news was that for the first time the Space Needle was flying a huge rainbow flag. I'm sure there are people who were bothered by it, but it was exciting to hear that it happened.

Another friend from college, Paul, picked me up at my apartment. We came out to each other during our last year and he was helpful in introducing me to the gay community in Seattle - aka Capital Hill. We ended up leaving his car at a park and ride and taking the bus into Seattle - between parking and traffic, I figured this was the best option. We actually arrived an hour before the start of the parade so we were in charge of finding a spot along the parade route.

It turns out that Jen, another friend from college and AMAZING straight support of gay rights hadn't even left from Everett yet - at it takes around 40 minutes to get to Seattle from Everett. Paul and I found a nice spot at a bus stop, which meant benches to sit on rather than the curb. We found it difficult to keep turning people away so we could save a spot for Jen and the four friends she was bringing - especially as the start time drew near.

If you have never faced off with a bitchy queen, consider yourself lucky. One guy told me that my friend should have arrived on time! Another lesbian got in my face and said "It's a PARADE! There's no saving spaces!" I came close to yelling back at her to go build something but I held back. By the time Jen and her friends arrived, the Dykes on Bikes were roaring along the parade route.

The half naked men were in short supply, unfortunately. We did see a LOT of topless women and a huge blow up vagina that had me swearing off tacos for awhile (which was funny because after the parade we saw someone from Qdoba Mexican Grill offering coupons for free tacos). At one point a group of people on bicycles rode by wearing nothing but body paint - literally. Only one of the guys was photo-worthy, though and I did take many pictures hehehe.

Jen had brought with her some current and former students from the college we all attended - a small Christian college. Yes, I know. The former students talked about how far the college has come in its acceptance, but it still has a long way to go. Jen works in admissions and still finds herself surrounded by closed-minded people who require her to think before she says things. We did find out that our college now has a soccer team and Paul and I both agreed we need to catch one of their games - no we're not soccer fans, we just heard that there are some really hot guys on the team.

Sadly my 4th of July was much less satisfying. I decided to rent a car to get some groceries. My plan was to do the shopping later in the day because once I returned the car I could walk and find a decent spot to watch the fireworks show put on by the city where I live. Unfortunately, the bus I planned to take was 6 minutes early and apparently the driver didn't see me waving as I chased after the bus. So I walked to the car.

Thankfully the supermarket was nearly empty, but by the time I got home and got my groceries put away, I was really tired and not really interested in putting up with any crowds. After returning the car, I got on the bus (this time actually making it) and went home. I figured I would be able to see the fireworks show from work, across the street from my apartment. Unfortunately, the fireworks didn't go nearly as high as I thought they would and all I saw were the tall skyscrapers between me and the show.

I went back inside and decided to watch some shows I had Tivo record, but for some reason the focus seemed to be on people's reactions rather than the actual shows. Why the directors thought I was tuning into to see OTHER people watching fireworks is beyond me.

Oh well, next year I know to take a nap in the middle of the day and fight the crowds to actually see some fireworks.

Rise of the new Right

2010-06-20T14:49:00.000-07:00

Last Wednesday, Chris Matthews from Hardball broadcast a very interesting documentary about the Tea Party movement - what they want and what they will do to get it. It's a very scary documentary and, at times, it is very frustrating to watch. Here are the 6 parts of the documentary. Don't watch with the lights off...

Part 1

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Part 2

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Part 3

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Part 4

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Part 5

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Part 6

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Hypocrisy and Betrayal

2010-06-09T08:06:00.000-07:00

My friend and co-worker Liz is a Republican. Though she is a supporter of gay rights, our similarities in political views end there. Liz is one of those people who will flow along with the beliefs of the Republican party without stopping to question the logic of such movement. I try not to roll my eyes every time I hear her regurgitate a Fox and Friends anti-Obama soundbite - but it is hard to control sometimes.

A couple years ago, Liz and I had a discussion about rising oil prices. She questioned me when I made the comment that oil companies are crooks and criminals and should be regulated more strictly by the government, not paying them off to look the other way. She told me that oil companies have a product that I want and therefore they are well within their rights to charge as much as they want to maximize their profits.

"Even if it means gouging the public to ensure outrageous profits in the billions?" I asked her.

"Peter, think of it this way..." Liz held up a cup and continued: "Let's say this cup is the only one of its kind in the world. I own this cup and so I have the right to price it at whatever price I want because I have no competition on the market for it. It's the exact same for oil companies. They are just protecting their interests."

What can I say: Liz is the ultimate Obama-hating capitalist.

Last fall Liz and I had a discussion about a lesbian co-worker, someone that I greatly admire and trust. When I told Liz that, she rolled her eyes and said, "I don't trust her at all! She is awful to people she calls her friends."

When I asked Liz to explain, she told me this story:

Liz had a friend at work named Arlene who had decided to retire. Before retiring, however, she had decided to spend her last summer working in the upholstery department. Every summer, a team goes through every bus in our fleet and fixes holes and tears on every seat. It's an awful, back-breaking job that I hope I am never so hard up for cash that I need to sign up for it. There is an aspect of the job, however, that isn't as bad as the one that requires crawling under seats: the person who sews the seats. This was the job that Arlene wanted.

Terry (the lesbian co-worker I mentioned earlier) is in charge of the upholstery crew every summer, so Arlene went to her and told her that she wanted the sewing job. Terry asked her to sew some samples so she could get an idea of how fast Arlene would be at the job. The two months of summer go fast and there are hundreds of seats that need to be repaired by summer's end. According to Terry, Arlene just wasn't as fast as she needed to be to keep up with the job, so Terry told her that if she wanted to work upholstery, then she would need to do the much hated back-breaking-under-the-seats job.

Furious, Arlene went to management and pulled her seniority status out. Terry was planning on giving the sewing job to a woman named Lynn who had done it several years already and was very fast at it, but Arlene had higher seniority than her. Her belief was that she should get the sewing job, not Lynn. In the end, Terry made the case that she had a deadline to think about and she was picking the best worker she felt could help her reach it. Lynn got he job and Arlene was furious. Their friendship came to an unfortunate end.

As Liz explained this, she really painted Terry as a villain. "Peter, she put business ahead of friendship! That is NEVER okay!"

Fast forward to last week.

Liz announced that she is writing a book. It'll be a fictionalized account of her adventures coming to work as a bus driver. I read what she has so far and while rough, it's not bad.

On Monday, Liz came up to me and she was very excited. "I might have a literary agent!" Over the weekend, she typed up what she has written so far of her story and sent it out to literary agents that she found on writersdigest.com. Only one of them returned her email, asking for more chapters of the book. According to Liz, the agent seems interested in representing Liz and trying to get the book published.

"That's fantastic!" I told Liz. "Did you happen to mention that you have a writer friend who also has a book?" I have been working on a book since last November. I have finished the first draft and I am now midway through the 2nd.

"No, I didn't," Liz confessed.

"Well, would you be willing to give me her information? Maybe she'd be interested in my book, too."

Tuesday morning I got an email from Liz telling me that she wanted to hold off giving me the agent's information and that she would explain later at work. When I finally asked her why she wasn't willing to give me the agent's information, here is what Liz said:

"Well, I thought about it and realized... what if this agent is only taking a certain number of clients? It makes no sense for me to put myself in jeopardy and risk her taking you as a client but not me. It's totally a business thing. I need to protect my interests!"

She was honestly dumbfounded when I told her that this upset me.

So, is it just me or is Liz being hypocritical here? I can't help but see her as Terry and me as Arlene. When the situation was about upholstery, Terry was VERY unreasonable in what she did; she was a terrible person who but business before friendship. When it comes to a literary agent, however, Liz is TOTALLY justified in what she is doing to me.

Now don't get me wrong; I understand where Liz is coming from - just as I understood Terry's side of the upholstery story. But I can't help but see Liz's blatant hypocrisy. She is doing to me EXACTLY what she hates Terry for doing to her friend Arlene. I have yet to draw this comparison with Liz, but I have no doubt that she'll find a way to insist that the two situations are completely different. She'll try to explain away her hypocrisy and justify her actions to make them look less like a betrayal. She'll make exceptions to the rules of friendship and insist that she is not doing the wrong thing, yet if I ask her if those same rules apply to Terry in the upholstery situation, Liz will insist that Terry was still wrong in what she did.

Liz is, after all, very much a Republican.

Because I'm a little bit in love with Ezra Koenig

2010-06-04T17:55:00.000-07:00

The Colbert Report

Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c

Vampire Weekend

www.colbertnation.com

Colbert Report Full Episodes

Political Humor

Fox News

The Colbert Report

Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c

Vampire Weekend - Holiday

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Colbert Report Full Episodes

Political Humor

Fox News

Beauty on Ice, Mood-lit Grads

2010-05-30T09:41:00.000-07:00

I had been anticipating Saturday night for almost a month! I went to Seattle to see Smucker's Stars on Ice and it was SO much fun! Naturally, I had been watching Dancing with the Stars and they kept mentioning how Evan Lysacek was continuing to learn his dances each week while traveling back and forth between California and whatever city where the tour was playing. Kinda makes Kate Gosselin saying that being a full-time mommy made her bad on the show a painful joke.

Anyway, I discovered that the show (and Evan!) would be coming to Seattle so I bought the most expensive ticket that I could afford. My seat was really far back - about as high as you could go and still be in Key Arena. But that just made for a better view. Not necessarily of the faces, but of the entire performances as a whole. Look, do I wish I could have been down RIGHT on the ice and sitting next to the seat that Jeremy Abbot chose to sit down in during one of his performances? Of course I do! But it was truly thrilling to be in the arena at all watching the show.

While I admit that I bought my ticket because I wanted the chance to see Evan Lysacek skate live, I was blown away by the entire show. Some of the more beautiful performances were by Alissa Czisney, Yuka Sato and Sasha Cohen. Then there were the "fun" routines by Michael Weiss (showing off an AMAZING back flip not once but three times!), Yuka Sato skating to a jazzy It Don't mean a Thing and Todd Eldridge skating to I want you to want Me. And of course, because I am gay, I also loved watching Jeremy Abbot's routines because he is just so beautiful to watch. The night, though, was about watching Evan Lysacek skate live which he did to Michael Jackson's Man in the Mirror, complete with sequined glove! Don't tell anyone who works at the arena, but I made a video of his performance even though they said not to (SHHHHH). How could I not??? This must be what it's like to watch them skate during competitions, minus the pressure to earn points. There were a couple falls, but above all it looked like they were all just having a LOT of fun doing something they love doing!

During the intermission I struck up a conversation with the woman sitting next to me. She had asked to see the souvenir that I bought (I'll talk about that later) and she ended up mentioning her gay son in San Diego. I told her that I am also gay and that I sing with the Seattle Men's chorus and from there we talked all the way until the lights dimmed for the second Act. I even found out that Peter was her husband's name.

Of course, I didn't come away without a couple souvenirs, actually. One was free and the other was expensive. When I first got to Key Arena, I saw signs for photos with the cast (a backdrop, not the actual stars - it actually said that on the sign!). So I got in line and got my picture taken with the backdrop. I also wanted a program and I figured they would be selling them, so I searched for a shop stand. The programs were $15, but below that was a sign offering programs autographed by the cast of the show for $45. When it was my turn, I asked the guy behind the counter if the "entire" cast autographed the program - naturally I wanted to make sure Evan had signed it if I was going to dish out two hours of work for it. He came back with the program and flipped through it. He did discover that some of the cast hadn't signed the program, but the important one had, so I bought it. The biggest problem about that, though, was that they didn't have a bag, so I had it out on the seat next to me during the show and people kept asking if they could look at it - many of them parents with sticky-fingered children!

Sunday was also an exciting day. I took a Greyhound bus to Tacoma to watch my cousin Jessica graduate. This was my first time traveling by Greyhound bus and I'm not sure I could do it across country. As we were leaving the Seattle bus station, my cousin called and asked if I knew where the bus would drop me off in Tacoma - they were going to try and pick me up. I told her that the bus station was only a few blocks from the Tacoma Dome where the ceremony was held and I could easily walk it. I wanted their priority to be saving me a fantastic seat!

Unfortunately, the woman behind me heard my conversation. First, let me talk about this woman. She was one of those people who have a naturally LOUD voice! Granted, she was right behind me, but I couldn't help notice people several rows in front of me turning around when she got particularly loud. After my phone conversation with Jessica, the woman confirmed that the Tacoma Dome is right by the bus station and then she said "I couldn't help but notice that you have a phone. May I please borrow it to call my husband so he'll know when to pick me up in Tacoma?" I have discovered a brand new fear: lending my cell phone to a complete stranger! She told me the call was local, but I really wouldn't have known that she called Japan or Africa until after she gave the phone back to me. Thankfully, my phone has a keyboard for texting and she was unable to figure out the numbers so I had to dial for her. 253 is a Tacoma area code, right? Okay, it is, I checked!

I found my family among the thousands of people gathered. They had really great seats with an excellent view. But is it just me or are the seats at stadiums REALLY crammed in? In order for a person to get by us in the row we all had to stand up to let them by. When I sat down, my knees were often pressed up against the seat in front of me. This is why I hate going to sporting events! It's hard to enjoy something when I am crammed into the arena like a sardine.

As the graduates began entering the arena, we all struggled to find Jessica. The Tacoma Dome, it turns out, is a VERY dark place! I imagine it is a bit brighter during a game, but I have a feeling that PLU was saving a bit on the electric bill. Later, my aunt Kathy wondered if it was "mood lighting" they were going for. We were never really able to find Jessica among the graduates. When it was her turn to receive the diploma, it came so fast we almost forgot to cheer for her! They did have large screens and a camera that all the graduates passed by as they exited the stage. I tried to get Jessica's picture on that, but the girl just walked WAY to fast!

After the ceremony was over and we were dismissed, they turned on these HUGE flood lights. We all agreed it would have been nice to have those on earlier so we could actually see Jessica. Through our cell phones, we eventually found our happy graduate. Then, we had to follow her around while she tried to find her friends. There was a red carpet and my cousin Nate and I joked that it might be our only chance to get a "red carpet moment" so I took a picture of him posing on it. Of course, we also got the group pictures with friends and family.

For dinner, they brought me back to Bellevue and we went to Azteca Mexican Restaurant because Jessica wanted Mexican food and it was her day. Jessica and I have had a long running joke because she and I always order the same thing: two cheese enchiladas. Once time when the waiter came to me for my order, I pointed at Jessica and said, "I want exactly what she had." Unfortunately, the waiter thought I was pointing at Aunt Kathy and brought me what she had ordered! So THIS time I placed my order without pointing at Jessica: Two cheese enchiladas. When my dinner came and I cut into it, I saw that there was chicken in it. I don't hate chicken, of course, but I thought I had specifically ordered CHEESE! I took a poll around the table and Uncle Jerry said, "I dunno, there might have been two syllables in your order..." My cousin Nate said, "Maybe she thought you wanted some oil-stained chicken from the Gulf of Mexico..." Every one stared at him blankly, but suddenly I got the joke. "Are you making a reference to Jessica Simpson wondering about Chicken of the Sea tuna?" He laughed and said "YES! At least someone got the joke!"

It was a busy, but fun weekend! Thank God we have Monday off for Memorial Day so I can get a little rest before going back to work! Thank you, Troops!

Self Esteem

2010-05-25T18:30:00.001-07:00

You know, I have come to believe that....

Meh, never mind... Who am I to talk about this, anyway?

Tomorrow's topic: Procrastination.

Back in Black

2010-05-13T08:15:00.001-07:00

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart

Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c

Back in Black - Glenn Beck's Nazi Tourette's

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Political Humor

Tea Party

Lewis Black shines in this segment! I have been thinking a lot about the Arizona "Papers, Please" law--mainly because it's been all over The Daily Show, Colbert Report and Rachel Maddow show. While I agree that it is important that the issue of illegal immigration is extremely important, I think anyone with common sense realizes that Arizona's plan is flawed on so many levels that one needs an elevator just to touch on them.

Right next to our bus lot is a Home Depot and gathered at all of the entrances to it are crowds of Hispanic men looking to find labor. This has actually caused problems in the neighborhood. For one thing, I've witnessed at least ten instances where someone stopped in the parking lot to answer a cell phone call or check for something in a bag and suddenly panicking as their cars were by the crowd of Hispanic men looking for work and thinking some was about to be offered. Sometimes, people in cars who are actually looking for work will block the entrance to the Home Depot (and the Best Buy next to it) to talk to these men. I have even seen people block a lane of traffic to do it. My co-worker and friend Liz can't walk by them (even on the other side of the street) because they whistle and catcall to her. Drivers have seen these men entering our lot to urinate behind the buses. Come ON! I have to walk back there to pre-trip my bus!

I realize the men are just trying to find work, but I've often wondered if standing around hoping it comes to you is really a good way to find an income. It has been suggested that most of the men are illegal immigrants and are therefore unable to go out and seek work.

Does this mean I want a law similar to Arizona to be passed here in Washington? HELL NO! Sure, it would clean up the problem down at the Home Depot, but I think it would also cause problems for legitimate immigrants who have legally gone through the process. All I am saying is that I agree something should be done, but I don't think forcing them to tattoo a Mexican flag on their foreheads is the way to go. Yes, Glenn Beck, that is a throwback to Nazi Germany. Are ya gonna lash out at me for taking my analogy too far?

I wonder if anyone in the Republican Party has caught on yet to how easily their hypocrisy is seen? I mean comics don't even have to do any major digging to find it. Hell, anti-gay activist George Rekers was photographed at the airport attending his own bags and standing next to the guy he claimed was hired to carry his luggage. Anyone with half a brain knew that the rent boy was handling something of George Rekers', but it wasn't his luggage. Of course, according to Rekers, gay sex is an abomination and no rights should be given to anyone who partakes of it.

I suppose we should all be grateful to the Republican Party. Without them life wouldn't be as entertaining.

60 Days, 30lbs - Day 14 304lbs

2010-05-09T19:54:00.000-07:00

Grrr! I weighed myself this morning and I didn't lose anything from last week. I sort of fell off the wagon - eating things I shouldn't eat and not working out enough. Oh well, at least I didn't gain anything.

Last Friday I went to see Captain Smartypants at Seattle Town Hall. They are a small singing group affiliated with the Seattle Men's Chorus. As this is their 10th anniversary, they celebrated by performing a "best of" collection of performances over the years. As always, the show was fantastic and I am tempted to buy another ticket to see the show again in a couple weeks. I need to be careful, though, because I've already bought a ticket to Stars on Ice at the end of May and a ticket to the SMC concert Glitter and be Gay.

I am still stressed about the potential for fewer hours at work next year. My brother and his wife are thinking about taking an Alaskan cruise this summer and invited me along, but I am struggling with the idea of paying for a cruise in light of my worries about next year. I love Alaska (despite a former governor) and could really use a vacation, but I'm not sure if it'll happen.

I finally watched The Blind Side yesterday and loved it. Sandra Bullock definitely deserved to win the Oscar for her performance. Yes, I cried at the end.

Betty White was on Saturday Night live last night and it was easily the best episode since Tina Fey as Palin. She truly is America's gem! They even brought back many former SNL alum: Rachel Dratch, Tina Fey, Anna Gasteyer, Amy Phoeller, Maya Rudolph... It was a really fun show to watch, though I did fast forward through the Jay-Z performances. Just not my style of music.

I am thinking that I won't be able to make my 30lb goal by the end of June. I thought it would be easily attainable, but it would seem as though those days when I was young and could take off weight faster I behind me. I saw myself in the mirror a couple days ago and had to wonder where the old guy with gray hair came from - I sure didn't invite him!

*sigh*

60 Days, 30lbs - Day 8 304lbs

2010-05-02T19:59:00.000-07:00

So I have good news and bad news. The good news, as you can tell from the title, is that I've lost three pounds. The bad news is that I ONLY lost three pounds! I was really hoping to lose at least 5 pounds a week. I guess I should be happy that I didn't gain weight - the pickles must be working for me.

The other good news is that I know why I only lost three pounds - I really didn't work out faithfully. I probably only legitimately worked out four of the seven days this week. The bad news is that I REALLY hate working out - even if Lady Gaga is helping me.

I think I also did a little cheating this week, too. I didn't eat terrible things, just sometimes more than I should have of the good things - take for example, those yummy chocolate rice cakes. I would also eat too many yogurts or grab too many sting cheeses to curb that hunger feeling.

Oh well, at least I lost weight rather than gain. At least when I stand on the scale, it actually registers a number as opposed to OL which I can only take to mean OH LORD (This guy is really heavy)! Or, you know, Over Limit. Whatever.

I had fun with my cousin today. We've been having game nights once a month, but that time for fun is almost over. She's graduating at the end of the month and then moving back to Idaho. I'm going to miss the game nights because they are such a joy! Hey, is there anyone out there (who lives near me) that loves playing board games? If you're too competitive, it's all good because so is my cousin. (Don't deny it, Jessica!) I am now taking applications. If you're cute and gay, that is a plus!!

Dear Movie Companies...

2010-04-28T13:10:00.000-07:00

Dear movie companies,

It has occurred to me that you are getting more and more angry about the people who go online to illegally download your movies rather than paying to see them in the theater or buying your blu ray and DVDs. For several years, now, you have stuck gestapo-type ads on your DVDs warning that downloading movies off the internet is the same as stealing from your mother's purse or robbing a store. You seem to be shocked that people are breaking the law to see your movies.

Is it really a surprise, though? Are you truly baffled? Do you really not understand why people would rather see your movies for free than overpay to see them in theaters or buy them on home media? Perhaps I can help explain.

Recently, Warner Brothers struck a deal with the popular online rental company Netflix who have lately been promoting their "Watch Instantly" program. While customers are waiting for their DVDs and Blu Ray to arrive in the mail, they have the option to instantly watch a movie on their computer or TV, streaming from Netflix. The deal was that you would allow Netflix to show more movies from Warner Brother's production companies in exchange for Netflix delaying their rental dates. This meant that a movie such as "Where the Wild Things Are" which was released on March 2, 2010, would not be available for rental through Netflix until April 2, 2010. Warner Brother's also promised that more copies would be available to Netflix so that there wouldn't be long wait times for customers to receive the movies. Now other movie companies have followed this trend.

Well, I have had "Where the Wild Things Are" at the top of my Netflix queue and, nearly two months later, I still haven't been able to rent it. Yesterday, however, I did finally get the movie "The Box". It wasn't a movie I was dying to see, but one that I was somewhat interested in viewing. As I took the blu ray copy out of the Netflix sleeve I couldn't help but notice the words (in a font larger than the movie title) "Rental Copy". When I put the Blu ray in my player, I sat through several previews before finally getting to the Main Menu. Imagine my surprise when I noticed that there was no bonus features menu listed. I went online and found a review of the blu ray and discovered that there were supposed to be several "making of" documentaries on the disc, but my copy, the "rental copy" didn't have them. Now, I realized that not many people really care about special features or "making of" documentaries, but I am a major geek and I LOVE them and I was upset that I wouldn't be able to see any for this movie.

I see what you guys are doing here. You're trying to get me to buy your DVDs and Blu Ray rather than rent them. I totally get that! You're running a business and trying to make money. But you see, there is a reason I don't always like buying your DVDs and Blu Rays.

Last week, the popular movie Avatar came out on DVD and Blu Ray. I was excited about that! I really enjoyed the movie and was looking forward to seeing it again. But then I found out something disturbing. There are absolutely NO special features. NOT ONE! Not even a trailer! How is it possible that a movie as technically advanced as Avatar doesn't have any documentaries about the making of it? Well you see, I discovered that Fox plans to release a "special edition" later in November. This brings me to my next gripe with you movie companies: Double Dipping.

It has become a trend for you guys to release a "bare bones" edition of a movie and then, six months later, release the "special edition" with all those cool new features I crave. Your hope is that I will buy your "bare bones" version AND the "special edition" so you guys make more money from me. Thankfully I was never a fan of the Lord of the Rings Trilogy. I think there were three or four different versions of each of those movies released!

Do you understand why I would rather rent one of your movies than buy it? I definitely don't want to buy a movie that I haven't even seen! Well, you might say, why don't I just go see your movies in the theaters?

Have you seen the price of movie tickets lately? I'm surprised you don't have loan sharks outside movie theaters trying to lend money to patrons. Usually when I go to a movie, I try to see a matinee showing and most theaters now charge close to $10 for a movie. $10! Ten dollars! For a matinee! Another Hollywood trend is that ultra cool 3D technology! Movies that were never intended to be shown in 3D are now being quickly formatted before their releases so you can charge an extra $5 onto a movie ticket. So that means a matinee 3D movie could end up costing me around $15. $15! Fifteen dollars!

Most times I elect to see the movie in good, old fashioned 2D. I'm not sure if you've noticed, but lately, more and more movies are starting to suck. Few and far between are the movies like (500) Days of Summer or Slumdog Millionaire or Zombieland. More and more movies end up being like Twilight or Clash of the Titans or *shudder* Transformers 2. Hollywood seems to favor large explosions and ridiculous special effects over realistic characters, plausible story lines and more meaningful two hours spent in a movie theater.

Now, I realize that my taste in movies might be far different from the mass majority. Perhaps that is my fault. But can you rich producers understand why I might hesitate to plan out bus routes, walk from a bus stop to a movie theater and pay $10 to sit down in a movie theater only to be disappointed by yet another stupid movie? Can you understand why I might just consider finding a way to illegally download a movie off the internet? I'm not saying that this is what I do. I'm just trying to help you see why so many people who are like me resort to that.

I had a conversation about this with my Republican friend who favors capitalism and she defended you guys saying that you are just running a business. All these things you do are an effort to boost your pocketbooks. You have a product you think I want and you're doing everything you can to get as much money from me for it. I understand that.

However, there comes a time when I have to look at the crappy things I have bought from you over the years and realize that enough is enough. If I was a businessman, my top priority would be to keep my customers. I wouldn't sell them a shitty product that breaks after a month and then offer an "updated version" of that same product that might last a little longer. I would lose customers.

So am I boycotting movies? No, I'm not a big fan of boycotts. There was a time when I could look at a movie theater marque, run down the list of movies playing there and tell everyone that I had seen every single one of those movies. Those days are over. Now, I am okay with waiting until your substandard products are in the dollar bin at stores or more reasonably priced on used shelves. I'd much rather pay $7 for a movie on a used blu ray that came out a year ago than pay $30 for them when they first come out. Or better yet, I'd rather wait until I am able to get them free at the library. Eventually your movies will be old and boring to everyone else and then I can see them.

So there you have it. I hope I've enlightened you. I don't expect that you'll change your ways. In fact, I'm pretty sure you won't. I just thought you should have a better understanding of why people would rather watch your movies for free from online than overpay to see them or get them on home media.

Sincerely,
A former movie buff.

60 Days, 30lbs - Day 4

2010-04-28T09:16:00.000-07:00

The past couple mornings I again woke up at 4:30 but just couldn't drag myself out of bed to work out. To be fair, though, I did work out for 40 minutes last night while watching the Dancing with the Stars results show - reminding me once again why I hate results shows and why I should never work out while watching them. At one point after saying that the next results would be given after the commercial break, after announcing a safe couple that even deaf and blind people already knew were safe, Tom Bergeron said, "I know, I am a tease". Mr Host, I have another name for it!

This morning I was almost in an accident. Every morning I drive to Edmonds--about twenty minutes north of Seattle--and on the drive back, I take the carpool lane. Despite me being the only one on the bus, the law states that buses may lose the lane at all times. When I am in the lane, I rarely go above 55 MPH simply because it just isn't safe! When traffic is halted in the other lanes, the threat of last-minute, impatient drivers who swerve into the carpool lane to avoid the wait quadruples. That is what happened. I saw that traffic was stopped ahead so I slowed to around 45. When I was about 5 car lengths back from her, a stupid, stupid, STUPID driver swerved into the carpool lane in front of me--with only one click warning from her turn signal. I did three things at the same time: I hit the brakes, I hit the horn on my steering wheel, and I hit the air horn. If that didn't send a message, then nothing will. I avoided hitting her, but as I cursed her very existence all the way back to base, I wondered how satisfying it would have been to just hit her and get one more dipshit driver off the road--if only for a couple hours.

60 Days, 30lbs - Day 2

2010-04-26T08:06:00.000-07:00

Last night before going to bed I made a deal with myself. I set my alarm clock for 5:00am as usual, but I decided that if I woke up before then, I would get up and try to get a workout in. I woke up this morning right at 4:30, so I got out of bed and got started on Richard Simmon's Blast and Tone.

I made this deal because I knew that if I go to SMC rehearsal tonight, then it would be more difficult to workout today because I really hate working out in the middle of the day - sweat being a major factor when you're a big guy like me. Sure, I can take a shower, but that means using more water and I'm already paying for part of my neighbor's water use. In our building, they take the total usage of water for all four apartments and divide it by 4, despite the fact that two people are living in the apartment across the hall from me.

The workout went well, actually. It kinda woke me up, too. I noticed that I was yawning less on my morning route, at least. I might consider getting up early for workouts more often. I'm not sure if I could get up at 4:00am to make the trek to the workout room for an elliptical machine workout, but who knows.

I know I said I wasn't going to weigh myself everyday, but I did weigh myself this morning. I had actually gained 1/2 a pound from yesterday, but my scale also tracks body fat and according to that reading, my body fat has gone down 5%. If that fat became muscle, I can live with that, even if it didn't lose me any pounds.

60 Days, 30lbs - Day 1 307lbs

2010-04-25T19:07:00.000-07:00

I recently started watching Kirstie Alley's Big Life on A&E and she has inspired me. The show is about her efforts to lose weight along with her chubby buddy Jim and, I have a feeling, hawk her new weight loss supplement program. Still, I have been enjoying the show and there have been many times when I sighed while looking at myself in the mirror or groaned while bending over to tie my shoes or huffing and puffing up a hill or staircase. The other day I dropped my keys on the way home from work and I seriously began wondering if there was a window open I could climb through.

I weighed myself today and I'm at 307 pounds. Scary, isn't it?! Not nearly as scary as the "before" pictures I just took that I'll be posting to this blog.

I have decided that enough is enough! I am hoping to sing in the next Seattle Men's Chorus concert, the first of which is June 25th - two months from today, roughly 60 days. So I have set a goal for myself: I am going to lose at least 30 pounds in 60 days. That puts my goal weight (for this project) at 247 pounds.

I know I can do it because back in 2006 I lost 50 pounds. My brother Matt told me about the weight watchers point system and I applied it to my life. I worked out every day(ish) on the elliptical machine at the YMCA and occasionally threw in this Richard Simmon's workout video called Blast and Tone that is done with weights.

So I'm going to do it again. It's funny, but I almost typed in "try" but I had a Yoda moment: Do or do not. There is no try. *cough* GEEK! *cough*

So that's my goal and my plan. The reason I am going to blog this (and post hideous before pics) is because unlike Kirstie Alley, I do not have a chubby buddy. Nor do I have a personal trainer or millions of dollars to invest in a weight loss supplement. But I figure that if anyone reads this blog, they can help keep me in check and hold me accountable.

I checked Kirstie Alley's website and I can't even afford to purchase her diet supplement. I don't need it, though. I just need to eat less and exercise more. Thankfully I have 24 hour access to the workout room at my apartment complex which has my favorite workout tool, the elliptical machine. That machine is a serious treasure. If there was a fire, I would run over to the workout room and pull that thing to safety.

I'm also going to do that Richard Simmon's workout DVD I have, Blast and Tone. It is great because by using the weights, it helps you build some muscle and it also has a great (although brutal) abs section.

So that's my plan. Hopefully I can blog daily about my progress, though I think I'm going to limit weigh ins to once a week. I'll go crazy if I weigh myself daily. So if you are reading this, send me some encouragement, because I'll need it!

Oh, I just finished a workout on the elliptical machine for 40 minutes. That's why I look so terrible in the "before" pictures. Well, that and the flab hanging over the waist of my shorts. UGH! I look forward to that being gone!

Toxic Workplace, Part II

2010-02-19T10:55:00.001-08:00

In my last blog I talked about the argument between my friend Liz and I regarding her little plot to bring complaints about a jerk at work to management. Over the last week, we haven't been working due to mid-winter break, so she and I haven't seen each other since last Thursday morning when she exploded at me in anger.

This morning, over Facebook, I got a message from Liz's account that said:

"We need to work this out, so try and find some time to talk with me Monday if you aren't too busy and if you are interested"

Maybe I am reading too much into this, but it feels to me as though she is putting all of this on me when she is the one with the issue. As far as I'm concerned, I didn't do anything wrong. I took the problem to a shop steward which is what we are supposed to do at work and Liz is upset because she doesn't trust the shop steward.

I still don't see her problem with all of this. Her goal was to take the issue to our manager because he is too out of touch with his employees to see what is really going on. Well, if the shop steward I talked to goes take this to our manager then Liz's goal will be accomplished.

To me it seems as though Liz is fishing for an apology from me and unfortunately, the only one I'll be able to give her is "I am sorry that you over reacted to this entire situation." Maybe that makes me a bad person...

Toxic Workplace

2010-02-11T08:07:00.000-08:00

If you think Grey's Anatomy has a lot of drama, you should see where I work! I have found myself pissing off my closest friends at work because I refused to blindly follow the masses without first checking out all sides of the story. Here's what happened...

On Tuesday, there was a union meeting that I did not attend. I decided not to attend because the last time I went to one, nothing was accomplished because everyone with an opinion felt the need to voice it in a loud and obnoxious manner, fights rose up and our reason for being there in the first place (the issue of our district's inappropriate use of the new tracking systems on our buses) was never adequately discussed.

It turns out that once again, tempers flared at the Tuesday meeting and, once again, nothing much was accomplished. However, a scandal did emerge surrounding the hugest asshole I have ever met. His name is Kevin and he is one of those creeps that doesn't give a shit what anyone thinks about him and he feels that gives him the right to treat everyone around him like shit. From the moment he has started working for our district, he has infected the workplace with his negativity to the point where just about everyone there can't stand having any kind of interaction with him.

At the Tuesday meeting, he ended up telling everyone that he has gone to management and told them about things he has seen other drivers doing that he believes are wrong. Our union Rep called him a fink as did my friend Liz. Liz, as she tends to do, took it too far though and it got to the point where Kevin told her that if she called him a fink again, he would go to management with a complaint. Liz's response was "Whatever, Fink!"

Later that day, Liz was called into the office by our manager, Terry. He told her that she is no longer allowed to call Kevin a Fink and she told him that she wouldn't say it out loud but they can't stop her from thinking it. Terry expressed concern that Liz seems to be the only driver who has a problem with Kevin - that no one else ever complains about him. As I mentioned before, this is just not true and it shows just how out of touch Terry is with driver morale.

His comment sent Liz on a crusade to prove him wrong and she began rallying a group of people to go into Terry's office and lodge formal complaints against Kevin. I was one of the people she asked to join the campaign. Later in the day, I went to our most senior driver Mindi to ask her take on this whole situation. Mindi is the driver with #1 senority - she's been there the longest and she has been a shop steward and union supporter for many years. She has been trained as a shop steward to look at disputes openly and without bias and in all my interactions with her, I have seen her do just that. She is one of the most open-minded people I know and I really respect her for it.

As I talked with Mindi about the Kevin/Liz situation, she helped me see that Liz was over-reacting quite a bit. Those times that Kevin has gone to management, he did so because he first went to the driver and was pushed away because he is too confrontational. I don't doubt that. Kevin lacks any kind of people skills that any decent human could possess. I have no doubt that he approached other drivers in an accusing, unfriendly manner, so of course they pushed him away with a strong "Fuck you, Kevin!" which caused him to go to management.

I have done the same thing! Last year I had that issue with the Holy Roller driver who refused to let me pass her at a school so I wouldn't get stuck behind her at her first stop. She refused because I drive the speed limit which is too slow for her, so I had no choice but to go to management. That's what you're supposed to do. Go to the person you have an issue with and if that doesn't solve the problem, you go higher.

Granted, maybe Kevin should have gone to a union rep before management to see if maybe they could help resolve the issue, but he didn't. There isn't much that can be done about that. Here, though, is my issue with Liz's campaign. She wants to go directly to Terry with the complaints against Kevin. Isn't that exactly what she was pissed that Kevin was doing? That, my friends, is hypocritical. It reminds me of the recent Republican Party Campaign to make known the wasteful spending habits of President Obama and to encourage people to not waste money - they held their meeting, of course, in Hawaii at an expensive hotel. Um....DUH!

This morning, I went to Liz to voice my concern and she asked me if I told Mindi about her plan. She became quite upset when I told her I did. Mindi and Kevin are often seen talking and many have come to believe that they have a "buddy/buddy" relationship. Maybe they do, but I know enough about Mindi to know that she has the kind of personality where she can successfully talk to someone even if he is the biggest asshole. I think that is something to be admired, not feared.

Liz, however, is certain that her big "plot" has been exposed to the enemy. She is angry with me now and I am sure that as I write this, she is telling everyone what a fink I am, now.

What I was hoping to help Liz see is that nothing will be accomplished by her little campaign. So an uninformed Terry will now know what a creep Kevin is. Is he going to fire him over it? That is very unlikely. He might pull Kevin into his office and slap his hand a little, but Kevin is still going to be the huge asshole he has always been. Nothing will change, except maybe now Kevin will be watching Liz and the people who complained about him more carefully as they drive. He'll be watching their every moves, just hoping to have something to tattle to Terry. He's vindictive like that.

Several years ago, a group of drivers wrote a letter to the board of directors about our boss (the guy above Terry) who makes our work environment toxic. One of us went before the board and read the letter while the rest of us stood behind him for support. But nothing changed! Our work environment is still toxic and our boss is still an asshole. The only thing that came of our letter was now our boss knew us all by specific names and had placed targets on our backs with the intent to watch us and hope for a reason to fire the rabble rousers. I know this is a fact because the very next day, I passed by our boss at work and the man who had passed by me many times before called me by my name for the first time. For months after that, I could feel the eyes staring at me and longing for me to fuck up somehow.

I am worried that this will happen to Liz and to all the people who go in and complain about Kevin to Terry. I am also worried that Liz will hate me because to her I am now a Fink and can't be trusted. Maybe that's a good thing. Maybe I'll be better off not hearing all the gossip that Liz loves to tell me. Now that I can't be trusted, I won't have to hear all that crap any more. But maybe I've also lost a close friend, too.

Year in Review: 2009

2010-01-03T20:50:00.000-08:00

At the end of every year, I like to look back and review my life. I do this in lieu of the traditional Christmas newsletter, most of which I find really boring (or in the case of the one written by my parents, lacking).

The biggest thing to happen to me in 2009 was my big move. The tabs on my car were due to be renewed in February and my car was required to pass a bi-annual emissions test. It failed. I still argue that the issue was a mechanical one, not an emissions one, but I was overruled. A mechanic at work offered to fix the issue at a fraction of the cost quoted to me by another mechanic, but just as I was about to accept his offer, I started having issues with my clutch. I began to realize that my car was dying and my growing fear that one day I wouldn't be able to get to work due to car trouble was ever looming.

I began looking at apartments within walking distance of work and decided on a complex literally across the street. My former roommate thought I was crazy and told everyone at work that after six months I would come running back to him, begging for my old room. Eight months later, I find that I am able to pay my bills and actually have money left over which is something I never had before. I took more trips at work, most of them smaller ones that I would have never taken if I had had a commute, and even took a midday route in September, guaranteeing me more hours.

With my new found riches, I treated myself to an HD Tivo, a blu ray player and a plane ticket to California for the holidays. I got rid of my car and found myself depending more on the bus, but I have found that the metro system is usable. Sure, there are days when I wish I had a car, but I'm not throwing money away for car insurance and gas. Instead, I am throwing money away for blu ray discs! And still managing to get money into savings! Figure that one out.

I wrapped up the year spending two weeks with my family. We struggled to remember the last time I had celebrated Christmas down there. I flew into the Los Angeles area in time to spend my birthday at Disneyland. So what if my mother thought that was my only reason for visiting! I had a fantastic day! I took advantage of Disney's free birthday admission offer and was given a button declaring it my birthday. Whenever a cast member saw me they extended happy birthday wishes. My favorite of those moments occured on the Tower of Terror. The cast member gave his safety spiel then acknowledged my birthday and encouraged everyone on the elevator to sing to me. The doors closed shortly after the first line and we all chuckled as the ride started. After all that screaming, our elevator returned to the doors which opened as the cast member was finishing the last line of the birthday song, as though he had been singing the entire time. That had everyone laughing!

That evening, Mom treated me to priority seating for the big nighttime show Fantasmic! There had been some trepidation regarding this idea. My brother and his wife had done this on his birthday and, though the desert treats were AMAZING, the seats were off to the side and not as inspiring. When we arrived to claim our seats, however, we discovered that they now offered seats in the center of the viewing area, giving us the best seats for the show! It was such a treat!

The trip home to visit my family was the perfect way to end the year.

Now I am looking at 2010 and wondering if there will be any monumental events for me... *cough* A BOYFRIEND *cough*

Here are my favorite things from the year:

Favorite Book: I must give this one to Kathy Griffin's memoir For Your Consideration. Usually when a comedian writes a book, it is little more than fluff with wide margins and large print. Griffin's book, however, was packed with funny and tragic moments from her life. She talks about her quest to rise above the D-List and the end result is a very enjoyable book.

Favorite Movie: Hands down, my favorite movie this year was Transformers 2...NOT! I still regret paying to see that movie - in IMAX, no less. *sigh* My favorite movie (for real, this time) was (500 Days) of Summer starring Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Zoey Deschanel. I loved everything about this movie. During my visit home I encouraged my brother to rent it and and was able to watch it one last time before the end of the year. I still loved it. Honorable mention should definately go to Away we Go because it was also a fantastic movie and it starred John Krasinski and Maya Rudolph.

Favorite TV Show: This one has to go to the new show Glee. I just loved everything about it! The characters are fun and they even included a guest appearance by the sweet Kristin Chenoweth. Now granted, I haven't yet seen all the episodes that have aired this season so far, but I have definately loved what I have seen. On December 29th, they released a DVD set of the first 13 episodes and I was all set to buy it until I started reading reviews about it. It seems like a waste of money since Fox ordered nine more episodes to make a full season and they'll most likely release another set of the complete season. Besides, I'm holding out for the blu ray.

Favorite Song: I realize that this song technically came out in 2008, but it made a huge impact over 2009. I mean who doesn't love Single Ladies by Beyonce? Okay, there are probably many who hate it, but I am not one of them. It was even featured on the show Glee in one of my favorite episodes where a high school football team danced to it on the field. Who can forget Kanye West interupting Taylor Swift's award speech to declare Beyonce's video the best of the year? As Obama said, Kanye may be "an asshole" but he was right - it was a kick ass video and a kick ass song!

Favorite Moment: I only add this category because I forgot to talk about the results regarding Referendum 71. It ended up passing and the rights of domestic partners in the state of Washington, as first given back in May, will continue to be honored. It was a truly shining moment in the history of this state!

So that was my year. I hope 2010 is as eventful as 2009 was, though I don't think I can take another move. Surely, though, something has to happen... *cough* A BOYFRIEND *cough*

This is How They Roll

2009-11-03T09:59:00.000-08:00

I found an interesting video showcasing how opponents of gay rights actually got Referendum 71 on the ballot. Is it really all that surprising that it was through deception and lies? I'm guessing this is why they didn't want the names on the petition to be released. They said it was for protection from hate crimes (HAHAHA, I still can't get over that one!) but in reality, they didn't want anyone to be able to check up on how truthful these people were in getting their signatures. I'm wondering exactly how many of the people who signed this petition actually knew what they were signing...?

Anti-Gay Signature Fraud Caught on Tape

Day 75

Today was an exciting day. We are in Washington state. There is a push by the anti-gay forces in the state to repeal the Domestic Partnership legislation recently passed by the Washington legislature. Anti-gay organizations are trying to collect enough signatures to bring Referendum 71 to the ballot. This referendum seeks to repeal the Domestic Partnership Expansion Law of 2009, passed by the legislature, that gives registered domestic partners wherever they live in Washington many of the rights and protections already enjoyed by legally married couples.

If the backers of Referendum 71 collect enough signatures to get it on the November ballot, then the question on the ballot will be: Should this bill be approve or rejected?

The anti-gay organizations are using paid signature gatherers in attempt to collect the required number of signatures needed to put the referendum on the ballot. The signatures are due this Saturday.

While in Port Angeles, Washington, we stopped at WalMart for a quick minute. (Interesting Fact: Port Angeles, WA is where the book and film “Twilight” takes place.) As I was walking into WalMart, I was stopped by a signature gatherer who asked my opinion on same-sex marriage. I told him that I am gay and we had a long conversation about equal rights.

After I bought some medicine at the pharmacy, I came back out to the van and grabbed my camera. I filmed the man collecting signatures for a bit, then I went over to talk with him. He was friendly and let me film him for a while.

We talked about his personal beliefs about same-sex marriage. He is in favor of equal marriage rights and would vote against the referendum if it gets on the ballot. He went on for a while about how gays deserve the same rights and that the church is wrong for trying to take those rights away. It was an interesting conversation.

Then it got even more interesting. He approached a woman and asked her if she supports same-sex marriage. When she said yes, he handed her the clipboard to sign the referendum. She though she was signing in favor of equal marriage. He tricked her, right in front of me, on camera. I called him out on it.

He said to her:

“Did you get a chance to sign our petition? We’re giving you an opportunity to decided whether or not you are in favor of giving homosexual couples legal marriage licenses. Not just the same rights as married people, but a marriage license too. Do you have an opinion on that? Yes? No? Or don’t Care?”

The woman said yes, that she will sign, and he handed her the clipboard. It was obvious to me that she was signing what she thought was a petition in favor or giving same-sex couples marriage licenses. So I asked her if she supports same-sex marriage. She said that she did.

That is not it. The bigger deal is that, to collect signatures, he is telling people that the referendum is to stop same-sex couples from getting marriage licenses. That is not true. He is telling folks that same-sex couples would still receive all the rights of marriage with Domestic Partnerships, when in fact, the referendum they are signing has nothing to do with marriage; it would repeal the Domestic Partnership law.

Unfortunately, at the time, I had no idea that he was lying about Referendum 71 being about marriage, not domestic partnerships. I just got into the state and knew nothing about the petition. I believed him when he said it was about marriage. It wasn’t until the next day, when I showed the footage to Equal Rights Washington that I learned he was even lying about the goals of the referendum.

I called my friend Josh, who is the Advocacy Director at Equal Rights Washington and told him about the footage. He was excited about it and asked me if he could use it on the campaign against the referendum. I am giving him a copy of the footage to expose the fraudulent signature gathering.

There is a lot more I could say about this interaction, but just watch the video. It is incredible.

Here is the video

My new Hero

2009-11-01T19:10:00.000-08:00

I saw this on Facebook today and was in awe! I read part of this man's book The Sins of Scripture several weeks ago and was struck by what he wrote. Once again, he blows me away with his words.

Bishop John Shelby Spong -- A Manifesto! The Time Has Come!

I have made a decision. I will no longer debate the issue of homosexuality in the church with anyone. I will no longer engage the biblical ignorance that emanates from so many right-wing Christians about how the Bible condemns homosexuality, as if that point of view still has any credibility. I will no longer discuss with them or listen to them tell me how homosexuality is "an abomination to God," about how homosexuality is a "chosen lifestyle," or about how through prayer and "spiritual counseling" homosexual persons can be "cured." Those arguments are no longer worthy of my time or energy. I will no longer dignify by listening to the thoughts of those who advocate "reparative therapy," as if homosexual persons are somehow broken and need to be repaired. I will no longer talk to those who believe that the unity of the church can or should be achieved by rejecting the presence of, or at least at the expense of, gay and lesbian people. I will no longer take the time to refute the unlearned and undocumentable claims of certain world religious leaders who call homosexuality "deviant."

I will no longer listen to that pious sentimentality that certain Christian leaders continue to employ, which suggests some version of that strange and overtly dishonest phrase that "we love the sinner but hate the sin." That statement is, I have concluded, nothing more than a self-serving lie designed to cover the fact that these people hate homosexual persons and fear homosexuality itself, but somehow know that hatred is incompatible with the Christ they claim to profess, so they adopt this face-saving and absolutely false statement.

I will no longer temper my understanding of truth in order to pretend that I have even a tiny smidgen of respect for the appalling negativity that continues to emanate from religious circles where the church has for centuries conveniently perfumed its ongoing prejudices against blacks, Jews, women and homosexual persons with what it assumes is "high-sounding, pious rhetoric." The day for that mentality has quite simply come to an end for me. I will personally neither tolerate it nor listen to it any longer. The world has moved on, leaving these elements of the Christian Church that cannot adjust to new knowledge or a new consciousness lost in a sea of their own irrelevance. They no longer talk to anyone but themselves.

I will no longer seek to slow down the witness to inclusiveness by pretending that there is some middle ground between prejudice and oppression. There isn't. Justice postponed is justice denied. That can be a resting place no longer for anyone. An old civil rights song proclaimed that the only choice awaiting those who cannot adjust to a new understanding was to "Roll on over or we'll roll on over you!" Time waits for no one.

I will particularly ignore those members of my own Episcopal Church who seek to break away from this body to form a "new church," claiming that this new and bigoted instrument alone now represents the Anglican Communion. Such a new ecclesiastical body is designed to allow these pathetic human beings, who are so deeply locked into a world that no longer exists, to form a community in which they can continue to hate gay people, distort gay people with their hopeless rhetoric and to be part of a religious fellowship in which they can continue to feel justified in their homophobic prejudices for the rest of their tortured lives. Church unity can never be a virtue that is preserved by allowing injustice, oppression and psychological tyranny to go unchallenged.

In my personal life, I will no longer listen to televised debates conducted by "fair-minded" channels that seek to give "both sides" of this issue "equal time." I am aware that these stations no longer give equal time to the advocates of treating women as if they are the property of men or to the advocates of reinstating either segregation or slavery, despite the fact that when these evil institutions were coming to an end the Bible was still being quoted frequently on each of these subjects. It is time for the media to announce that there are no longer two sides to the issue of full humanity for gay and lesbian people. There is no way that justice for homosexual people can be compromised any longer.

I will no longer act as if the Papal office is to be respected if the present occupant of that office is either not willing or not able to inform and educate himself on public issues on which he dares to speak with embarrassing ineptitude.

I will no longer be respectful of the leadership of the Archbishop of Canterbury, who seems to believe that rude behavior, intolerance and even killing prejudice is somehow acceptable, so long as it comes from third-world religious leaders, who more than anything else reveal in themselves the price that colonial oppression has required of the minds and hearts of so many of our world's population.

I see no way that ignorance and truth can be placed side by side, nor do I believe that evil is somehow less evil if the Bible is quoted to justify it. I will dismiss as unworthy of any more of my attention the wild, false and uninformed opinions of such would-be religious leaders as Pat Robertson, James Dobson, Jerry Falwell, Jimmy Swaggart, Albert Mohler, and Robert Duncan. My country and my church have both already spent too much time, energy and money trying to accommodate these backward points of view when they are no longer even tolerable.

I make these statements because it is time to move on. The battle is over. The victory has been won.

There is no reasonable doubt as to what the final outcome of this struggle will be.

· Homosexual people will be accepted as equal, full human beings, who have a legitimate claim on every right that both church and society have to offer any of us.
· Homosexual marriages will become legal, recognized by the state and pronounced holy by the church.
· "Don't ask, don't tell" will be dismantled as the policy of our armed forces.

We will and we must learn that equality of citizenship is not something that should ever be submitted to a referendum. Equality under and before the law is a solemn promise conveyed to all our citizens in the Constitution itself. Can any of us imagine having a public referendum on whether slavery should continue, whether segregation should be dismantled, whether voting privileges should be offered to women?

The time has come for politicians to stop hiding behind unjust laws that they themselves helped to enact, and to abandon that convenient shield of demanding a vote on the rights of full citizenship because they do not understand the difference between a constitutional democracy, which this nation has, and a "mobocracy," which this nation rejected when it adopted its constitution. We do not put the civil rights of a minority to the vote of a plebiscite.

I will also no longer act as if I need a majority vote of some ecclesiastical body in order to bless, ordain, recognize and celebrate the lives and gifts of gay and lesbian people in the life of the church. No one should ever again be forced to submit the privilege of citizenship in this nation or membership in the Christian Church to the will of a majority vote.

The battle in both our culture and our church to rid our souls of this dying prejudice is finished. A new consciousness has arisen. A decision has quite clearly been made. Inequality for gay and lesbian people is no longer a debatable issue in either church or state. Therefore, I will from this moment on refuse to dignify the continued public expression of ignorant prejudice by engaging it. I do not tolerate racism or sexism any longer. From this moment on, I will no longer tolerate our culture's various forms of homophobia. I do not care who it is who articulates these attitudes or who tries to make them sound holy with religious jargon.

I have been part of this debate for years, but things do get settled and this issue is now settled for me. I do not debate any longer with members of the "Flat Earth Society" either. I do not debate with people who think we should treat epilepsy by casting demons out of the epileptic person; I do not waste time engaging those medical opinions that suggest that bleeding the patient might release the infection. I do not converse with people who think that Hurricane Katrina hit New Orleans as punishment for the sin of being the birthplace of Ellen DeGeneres or that the terrorists hit the United Sates on 9/11 because we tolerated homosexual people, abortions, feminism or the American Civil Liberties Union.

I am tired of being embarrassed by so much of my church's participation in causes that are quite unworthy of the Christ I serve or the God whose mystery and wonder I appreciate more each day. Indeed I feel the Christian Church should not only apologize, but do public penance for the way we have treated people of color, women, adherents of other religions and those we designated heretics, as well as gay and lesbian people.

Life moves on. As the poet James Russell Lowell once put it more than a century ago: "New occasions teach new duties, Time makes ancient good uncouth." I am ready now to claim the victory. I will from now on assume it and live into it. I am unwilling to argue about it or to discuss it as if there are two equally valid, competing positions any longer. The day for that mentality has simply gone forever.

This is my manifesto and my creed. I proclaim it today. I invite others to join me in this public declaration. I believe that such a public outpouring will help cleanse both the church and this nation of its own distorting past. It will restore integrity and honor to both church and state. It will signal that a new day has dawned and we are ready not just to embrace it, but also to rejoice in it and to celebrate it.

- John Shelby Spong

The Confusing Right, Part 2

2009-10-20T17:15:00.000-07:00

There has been a lot of recent buzz in the state of Washington. On the November ballot this year is the hot topic of gay rights. Here is the wording for Referendum 71, so there will be no confusion about what I am about to discuss.

This bill would expand the rights, responsibilities, and obligations accorded state-registered same-sex and senior domestic partners to be equivalent to those of married spouses, except that a domestic partnership is not a marriage.

Okay, I think that is quite clear! All same-sex partners are asking for is the equal rights of married couples. Call it a Civil Union, call it a Contract Agreement, call it the end of civilization as we know it...whatever! But I think the wording at the very end of the last sentence says it all: a domestic partnership is NOT a marriage. Have the people against gay marriage even read what Referendum 71 says??

You would think that opponents of gay marriage rights who have for years now been trying to "protect the sanctity of marriage" would be okay with this. Right? I mean we're not trying to pervert the highly successful marriage rate that is never ruined by the concept of divorce, cheating spouses or reality shows (I'm talking about you, John and Kate - because there is a perfect example of a happily sanctified marriage!).

Today as I was driving my bus route, I saw a sign in the back window of a car. It looked like it had been printed off a website, but the gist of it was to reject Referendum 71 to protect marriage and the following website was conveniently displayed in large bold letters so I could look it up when I got home.

http://www.protectmarriagewa.com/

Wow. Seriously? This is still an issue for people? One would think that people who are trying to protect the definition of a word would back off considering that the referendum CLEARLY states that domestic partnerships are NOT defined as a marriage. Exactly what leg do these people have left to stand on?

Seeing this defense still being used makes me wonder if this really is about their precious marriage definition. Perhaps this is really about fear. Lord knows the far right loves to spread hate through scare tactics. They fear what they do not understand so they rush to judgment and preach thinly veiled defenses for their agenda.

What other conclusion can I draw? It's right there on the front of their website:

Are the homosexuals finally going to take control of our culture and push their depraved lifestyle on our children and families?

Senator Val Stevens leads off her article on the front page of their website with that question. Well, Val - may I call you Val? -- the answer to your question is "NO!". Homosexuals, by asking for the same rights of married couples, are not trying to push our "depraved lifestyle" on your children and families. In fact, we promise we won't even invite you to the commitment ceremony, though we all know you'll be there anyway with pickets and cries of injustice. That's just your way.

If you want our tax money, then the least you can do is give us the same rights of married couples - a right we deserve no matter what your errant, fallible Bible says.

Senator Val Stevens continues: Amidst harassment and even death threats by the homosexual radicals pushing this into our faces, just enough signatures were gathered to give you the final say on the upcoming ballot.

I love when the far right takes their argument here. I jump up and down, giddy and clapping my hands. Is she seriously going to make this statement? Okay, clearly she is and has. I have yet to hear any of these claims proven in news reports. One would think that such claims, were they true, would be newsworthy. Last Spring police raided a gay bar and severely beat a gay man. We all know the story of Matthew Shepherd. Those stories were ALL over the news. Why have I not seen news reports backing up the claims of Senator Val?

There have been claims that people who signed the petition to get the issue of gay domestic partner rights on the 2009 November ballot are too scared to make themselves known because they worry about death threats and harassment. Well, there's that fear again! But seriously, are they that afraid that their own tactics will be used against them? I guess they are. I once heard someone say that people who stoop to criminal activity are often wary of having it done against them.

I had a conversation about this issue with a co-worker last week. I have been hearing an anti-referendum-71 commercial on local radio station Star 101.5 the past several weeks. The gist of the commercial is that Washington's politicians are "out of touch with the issues" and should be focusing on more important things like our wounded economy and the current war and the housing crisis. Frankly, this sounds like a recycled commercial script from past right-wing propaganda. It appears as though someone copied and pasted the script from previous editions and didn't really think to proofread his work. The commercial has no direction or purpose - well other than to promote fear and get people to reject Referendum 71. Oh, and by the way, it wasn't Washington state politicians who pushed to get this on the November ballot. It was, in fact, the right-wing conservatives. Senator Val herself admitted that.

Anyway, I was mentioning this commercial to my co-worker - a right-wing conservative Christian. He immediately shared with me something he heard on the radio -- a conservative DJ (I'm guessing Rush Limbaugh or that other idiot Glenn Beck) who said that the problem with Democrats is that they want everyone to not be concerned with the bedroom, but want to control every other room in the house. They want to suggest which light bulb we should use and which car we should drive.

I laughed and said to my coworker, "But can you see the difference between how Democrats face an issue and how Republicans do? If a Democrat doesn't like the light bulb you use, they aren't going to beat you within an inch of your life and leave you to die in the middle of nowhere tied to a fence. If a Democrat doesn't like that you drive an SUV or a Hummer, they're not going to declare for you eternal damnation because the Bible says so."

His response was to share with me reports of vandalism to SUV's and Hummers in the downtown area. Apparently, environmentalists have launched a campaign to inflict damage to vehicles parked in the Seattle area in the way of broken windshields, slashed tired and broken head and tail lights. My mouth must have dropped open because my co-worker stared at me and said, "What?"

I said, "Are you seriously comparing the beating of a human homosexual to the distruction of an SUV or a Hummer?" He tried to backpeddle, but still insisted that the distruction of private property is clearly wrong.

How about the distruction of the human spirit? How about the distruction of human rights? How about the distruction of souls? Well, I guess if they belong to perverted homosexuals, then they don't count.

The Audacity of Dope

2009-10-10T23:48:00.001-07:00

My cousin was over for game night and, as usual, we had lots of giggles. I'm not sure how it came up, but at one point she asked me if I had heard the rumor that Matt Dallas, the really cute blue-eyed guy with the gorgeous smile from the ABC Family show Kyle XY is gay. I hadn't, but was very intrigued because, well...the guy is hot!

Naturally, I put a halt on our current game and ran to my computer to confirm this juicy bit of gossip. Unfortunately, every single website I found that was willingly spreading the rumor pointed to Prez Hilton as the source of the rumor.

I am NOT a fan of Prez Hilton at all. Sure we all love a bit of gossip, but Prez Hilton has made it his ... hobby? career? sadistic goal in life? to out closeted gay actors and I think it's a really shitty business.

When I was still trying to come out years ago, I was friends with a lesbian co-worker who is in her 50's. She doesn't hide who she is at all and frequently talks about her partner. I think it is great that she can be so comfortable about who she is. At the time, I was wishing I could be more like her, but it took all I could for me to just come out to her. Once we were sitting in the computer break room at work and in front of several people she asked me how my "date with the guy I liked" had gone. All heads turned to me and I gave an embarrassed chuckle and said "Hey, guess what...? I'm gay..."

Later I confronted her and asked her to keep questions like that for a time when there weren't other people around. Her response was something along the lines of it was time for me to come out and maybe she was right, but I really have a problem with out gays and lesbians who think that busting open the door of timid homosexuals and pushing them into the limelight. Let them come out on their own time!

This is what Prez Hilton does. He takes it upon himself to ruin the public life of celebrities for his own shits and giggles and I think it's disgusting.

Now I will admit that when my cousin told me about the Matt Dallas rumor I was thrilled. Frankly, he was the only reason I really ever watched Kyle XY. So yes, like a school girl I shamelessly flocked to find out more about this juicy rumor. But when I hear that it was started by someone like Prez Hilton, all the magic sputters out of the moment like air from a deflating balloon.

I guess this makes me a hypocrite. I was so willing to want to hear more about the rumor until I discovered that it was started by Prez, a bastard I'm not fond of because he outs closeted celebrities. Of course, I'm also contributing to the life of the rumor by talking about it here on my blog... What really bugs me is that he sites no reason for the rumor on his site. He just announces that "sources tell" him it's true. Ergo...it must be! Who needs proof when you're potentially ruining a man's career, right?

Okay, sure... Neil Patrick Harris has risen above his outting by the blog queen, so Matt Dallas has a chance to as well, but Dallas' show Kyle XY was cancelled and right now he's on the new show Eastwick as the boyfriend of one of the witches. He is SOO adorable, by the way! But his character is expendable and it wouldn't take much for ABC to decide that his character is no longer believable so they should just write him off the show. Then the poor guy is off looking for work again.

So, if there is truth to the rumor, well, welcome to the family, Matt. From what I've seen of you in interviews, you are a really sweet guy and don't deserve to be kicked from your safe haven by a bitchy blog queen. If it turns out that Prez is full of shit, I wouldn't be too upset if you beat him up to get even. Either way, I still think you're awesome!

The God I Know

2009-10-10T10:47:00.000-07:00

Last spring a coworker and I were talking about views that people tend to have on life based on what they interpreted from the Bible. He lent me a book called Sins of Scripture by John Shelby Spong and told me that I would probably enjoy it. I didn't get around to reading it until last week and only then because my co-worker has started asking for his book back.

I only read the section of the book where Spong talks about homosexuality, but after doing so I placed a request on the book from the library because now I want to read the whole thing. For the topic of homosexuality, Spong addressed the verses most commonly used to promote homophobia and verse by verse explains how such views of them are groundless. While these ideas have been written about and debated before, I really enjoyed Spong's take on the verses and his commentary.

I was also struck by his views of the Bible. In the section I read, Spong goes to great lengths to explain how and why those verses might have been written. The book of Leviticus was written for an exiled Jewish community as a guide for how to keep themselves separate from the Babylonians with whom they lived at the time, hence all the diatery and other laws that Christians (who so frequently point to Levitical laws on homosexuality) don't themselves follow.

He also addressed the story of Sodom but, unlike the Christians who often point to that as a reason why God hates fags, he shows the entire story in context. He explains the practices of ALL cities at the time regarding visitors to a city who aren't immediately taken into a home for shelter (there weren't hotels at the time because traveling was so dangerous) and how the people of that town would proceed to humiliate them sexually. He also questions why an all-knowing God would need to send scouts to a city in the first place to determine if there are enough righteous souls worthy of saving that city from destruction. Wouldn't He already know? Furthermore, he questions why Lot, who offered up his virgin daughters for gang-rape in place of the angel scouts was considered a righteous man and spared from the later destruction of the city. Why were his daughters, who later slept with their father to bear children were spared as righteous. Far more questions are raised than answered when the FULL story is examined rather than just a small part.

Finally, Spong looks at "homophobic Paul." I had heard the theory before that Paul was a closeted homosexual, but to this notion, Spong also suggests that Paul was a fundamentalist and fanatic follower of Scripture and his reason for including his verses on homosexuality were because he was wrestling with his own homosexual feelings and what he had always believed he had been taught through Scripture. He would have been well aware of the Leviticus laws and would have been horrified to see this in himself, so the only way he could deal with it was by condeming it. To me, this is like a senator condeming gays and fighting hard against gay rights and then being found seeking gay sex in an airport bathroom. Or a mayor fighting hard against gay rights and then finding himself in a controversy where he offered governmental positions to young men in exchange for sex with them. Just how credible are their condemnations of homosexuality now?

Shortly after reading this section of Spong's book, I was watching The Colbert Report and learned about Conservative Bible Project, a recent project of some conservative Christians hoping to change the Bible as we know it. Their goals are to remove all the Liberal propoganda put into current translations of the Bible. I once heard a woman on Montel Williams rave about something similar. She kept praising her black Bible which told her that white people are the enemy and are hated by God.

These two things have really gotten my thinking about the God I grew up worshiping. I have said before (and frankly, it's kind of obvious) that I was a Christian before I knew I was gay. Oh sure, there were signs I should have noticed very early on in my life. But the one thing I always knew from the moment I was baptized was the existence of God and his Son and their work in my life.

I have always believed that God exists because I see the miracles all around me and they are enough to convince me. Lately, though, I have found myself not going to church. I have found my talks with God to occur less and less. In wondering why this is happening, I have blamed this on my prolonged struggle with my sexuality. I keep hearing about the tyrant God who seems to hate everyone! This God of Love that I sung about in Sunday School is starting to be described by sign-weilding fanatics as a monster who throws a tantrum if He doesn't get His way. If I continue to be gay, then He will send me to the fiery depths of Hell.

This God that the Right-wing Christians love to speak for is not the God I grew up loving. The God I have always known saved my mother from meninjitis and, the year before that, from a very nasty spider bite. He is the God whose loving touch created things like puppy dogs and spectacular sunsets. The God I grew up loving doesn't hate.

Frankly, I don't think that the right-wing Christians who claim to be the spokespeople for God are what they claim at all. I think they are completely missing God's mission of Love. As they march around with their WWJD bracelets, they do exactly what Jesus would never do. Would Jesus kill doctors who perform abortions? Would Jesus have rudely picketed the funeral of Matthew Shepard or soldiers who died fighting in a war? They are so driven by their hate that they are blinded to the real Message. They remind me of certain terrorists who took over planes and flew them into towers and the Pentagon eight years ago.

Thankfully, I know that not all Christians are this way. I have found many churches that don't agree with this picture of a hateful God. They are accepting of everyone and more in tune with God's Message. Those are the kinds of people I want to be hanging out with!

I just need to get my lazy ass to their church on Sundays!

*Sigh*

Pathetic

2009-10-03T22:12:00.000-07:00

Today, I had an all day chorus rehearsal and for lunch, a friend, Jeff, and I walked to Westlake Center for lunch. On our trip back, we passed by a group of four or five people holding up poster-sized pictures of President Obama on which they had stenciled mustaches resembling Hitler's. As we passed by them, I was quietly commenting to my friend that those people were very disturbing and then I turned around and added "...and pathetic!" so they could hear.

Now, I don't think it is a big surprise that I was not a fan of George W. Bush. I think he did a fantastic job of ruining this country and I think that the Republicans are trying to put that blame on our current president. Never, in the four years of that terrible presidency, did I have a desire to stand on a street corner holding a picture of him with a Hitler-like mustache. It would just be too pathetic.

I saw many people protesting Bush's decision to take us into a war, but not once did I see anything as offensive as what I saw today. The man was made fun of because he said really crazy things. Jokes were made about him questioning his intelligence and status as an effective president. But I honestly don't remember ever seeing anything as disturbing as what I saw today and I have marched in a gay pride parade past closed-minded bigots with signs declaring that there is a place for me in Hell because God hates me. I think that what I saw today was way more disturbing than "God Hates Fags!" signs. Those people are foolishly claiming to be the Voice of God by holding up those signs and I fully believe they will have to answer for that after they die (if they even make it to Heaven) and they are doing their best to ruin a fabulous parade. But we fags can march right past those pathetic morons and pretend that they aren't even there.

But how can you walk past pathetic cretins who are holding up signs that pictorially depict the President of the United States as one of the worst criminals, murderers and bigots in the history of the world? I mean seriously! What in the name of everything good and holy in this world can justify comparing Obama to Hitler? How is that comparison even seriously considered? Is the creation of an unpopular health care plan REALLY up there with the murder of millions of Jews and an attempt at world domination? Okay, so President Obama called Kanye West a jackass. Kanye West IS a jackass! Does that make President Obama Hitler? Seriously, I really want to know what makes these pathetic morons compare our President with Hitler. 'Cause I just do not see the connection!

Those people I saw today are pathetic. Yeah, yeah...freedom of speech, yadda yadda... But no doubt about it, those people are pathetic.

Matchmaker, Matchmaker...please take your time...

2009-09-30T08:56:00.000-07:00

This week, I had the mother of all Fiddler on the Roof moments. Remember that part in the show where the two sisters dream of the Matchmaker Yenta bringing them a handsome husband? The first part of that song is all about the dreamy men they are sure will be matched with them.

That was me on Monday. My friend from work Liz came to me, buzzing with excitement. There is a new guy at work who is gay and he had ridden along on her route. Our district does that with new drivers. It gives them a chance to understand how routes work and helps them build experience of driving a bus with children. As she did with me, Liz asked him if he was gay and then proceeded to tell him all about me. ALL ABOUT ME - including my many faults!

I had gone to a special needs training class at the beginning of the school year where I had met this new guy and he remembered who I was (and claimed that I had been shamelessly flirting with him during that meeting). He told Liz that I am "his type" and so the gears in Liz's head began formulating a plan to get him doing a ride-along on my bus. That afternoon I was told that he would be riding on my route Tuesday morning. Damn, Liz is good!

All I could think about Monday night was the potential. I went to the SMC rehearsal and told everyone who would listen about the "date". I was really nervous and excited about the next day. That night I worked on what I was going to wear and how early I'd need to get up to get ready.

Back to Fiddler on the Roof. As the Matchmaker song continues, the older sister enters and suddenly brings harsh reality to the dreams of her sisters. With glee she dons an old scarf and describes two very unattractive men that Matchmaker Yenta could find for them. Suddenly, the attitude of her sisters change and they sing about how they'll be happy to wait for their turn at Matchmaker Roulette.

When I arrived at work and met T, the very first thing he did was (barely) look up from his cell phone and say "You're late." I was actually three minutes early, but whatever. For the next 2 hours, I was treated to every criticism that bitchy queen wanted to throw at me.

He didn't like the way I drive. He didn't like the route I took when picking up the students or driving back from the school. He told me that since I'm a writer I'm probably unorganized and messy and that would drive him crazy (since he makes Monica from Friends look like a slob!). He would NEVER set foot in my apartment because I have pet rats. He thinks I am paying too much for rent and should move somewhere cheaper (or better yet, have better financial stability to buy my own house). He couldn't believe I don't have a car. He thought I should dress better. I don't carry myself very well. I should work harder and make more money. When I told him what car I used to drive he scoffed and told me there was no way he ever would have ridden in my car. The criticisms went on and on.

On top of it all, he kept telling me that I should have more confidence in myself... Despite all the criticisms he kept throwing at me.

At one point he had asked me my shoe size and was amazed when I told him I wear a size 13. When I parked my bus, he asked to see my hand, did a bit of measuring against his own and then smiled at me and said "You're well hung."

Despite all of that, I still approached the subject of dating with him. He told me it wouldn't happen because we work together now. I'm guessing a lot of his other criticisms factored into that as well. The more I thought about it as the day went on, the more glad I was that he said that. Dating him would have been disastrous and a relationship with him would be impossible. We left things with the open possibility for friendship.

Once again I find myself thinking it's impossible for me to ever find love. My experiences in searching for a relationship have been met with more and more guys like the one mentioned above. I think gay guys (myself included) are too critical. Somehow there are some who make it work and I applaud them, but I have no clue how they managed to not only find someone for a relationship, but figured out how to keep in that relationship.

As for me, I find myself taking one more step closer to becoming that bitter cynic who hates the candy and Hallmark-pushed Valentine's Day. I can't help but see myself becoming a bitter old queen sitting in the back of a movie theater loudly complaining about plot holes and unbelievably every time I see a romantic comedy.

Maybe I've just been single too long that the concept of having romance in my life is now just too scary. Maybe there wasn't even anything wrong with the guy I met yesterday. Maybe I was the one being too critical of him.

If I remember correctly, even the two sisters from Fiddler on the Roof eventually found love. Sheesh, how boringly predictable!

No Hablo Ingles

2009-09-23T18:07:00.000-07:00

There is a new song out there that has really started to baffle me. Actually, it's not the song so much as the response. I first heard it this morning on a local radio station. From time to time they will do a "music test" where they play a song and then have listeners chime in as to whether or not they should keep playing the song. Today's music test was from the upcoming Bowling for Soup album Sorry For Partyin'. The song is called No Hablo Ingles. Here's a video of the song so you can hear what it's about.

Okay, so that's the song. Unfortunately, I only heard the last bit of it each time it was played this morning, but I kept hearing the responses to it. At first people commented that it was catchy and really funny. Then different calls started coming in. "It is offensive!" "It makes fun of Mexicans" "The song is politically incorrect!" the criticism went on. After the second attempt to test the song, the DJs guessed that maybe 80% of those who called in thought it was offensive and racist.

Intrigued, I found the video on youtube and listened to it. I gotta be honest... I think most of the people who think this song is offensive missed the point. I don't think Bowling for Soup is making fun of Mexicans or Spanish speakers. If anything they are making fun of themselves by shamefully playing on a stereotype and saying "when we are too lazy to do something, we take advantage of this cliche." At least that's how I view the song. Maybe if I was latino I would think differently.

Last night, I was chatting with a latino online and so when he logged on tonight I sent him the link and asked what he thought of the song. Did he think it was offensive? I waited for about eight minutes and then he just logged off without saying anything. That really blew me away. I mean, if I truly pissed him off (or if the song did) I was expecting him to lash out about it, not just log off without saying anything.

I've been a fan of Bowling for Soup for awhile now and I was thrilled to hear they have a new album coming out. I....ahem.....uh.....did something bad today and...well...needless to say, I now have the whole album and I think it is fantastic! There are some really funny songs on it. One in particular is called BFFF and it is about a guy proclaiming love for his best friend in a "totally heterosexual way." I laugh every time I hear the song.

Again, I don't know if I'm just blinded to the racism of this song because I like the group and I'm not Latino so I wouldn't understand. To me, the song is only offensive if you decide to be offended by it.

So, is the song offensive? Comment and let me know!

Working for a livin', taking what they're givin'

2009-09-21T09:02:00.000-07:00

I had a busy weekend.

I've already blogged about the craziness of Friday and Saturday; at least what had happened up until that point. Saturday night I drove the trip that was actually scheduled to me. Myself and another driver (L) were scheduled to take a specific team home (1 of 4). Before we had arrived at the stadium in Seattle, we got a call that the "guy in charge" (a coach for the high school in our district - NOT our boss) wanted us to take another team home and have the two drivers already there take home a team that wanted to leave right then.

When L and I arrived at the stadium, the other team had not yet come out to the buses so L and I dialogued with the two other drivers, both of whom were above us in seniority. Lynn and I abstained to their decision since they were above us. From what L and I both saw, they elected to drive our team back to the hotel, leaving us to stay for the other team. L and I ended up getting another hour of work since the team we had now been given stayed until the end of the game (they were watching, not playing).

Then on Sunday I got a call around 10:10am that a second bus had been added at the last minute and I was offered the job. Since I live across the street from work I was able to get to the hotel with a bus within 20 minutes. As I drove the trip, I knew that an issue would come of this because there are 34 people ahead of me in seniority who would have loved those two hours of overtime pay. I was more than grateful to get that work!

This morning I went in to work and talked with J in dispatch about the weekends events. I particularly told her about the errand I ran when the guy called me on Saturday. She agreed with me that I should get paid for that since I was doing work for the district. Now our contract has a policy that any work you do, no matter what the length is, will be paid no less than 2 hours.

After driving my route, I went back in and talked with her more about what was going to happen. The first thing I discovered is that those two drivers who elected to go back on Saturday with the team belonging to L and me were complaining that we got more hours. I told her exactly what happened in the conversation from the perspective of L and me. We both made it clear that we had lower seniority and left the decision up to them. They elected to leave. According to J in dispatch, this was not the story she had gotten.

I also talked to my boss about my little unscheduled Saturday errand. He doesn't want to pay me for it!! According to him, what I should have done was called someone and told them what was going on. Apparently, they don't want me to try and fix a situation like that (and potentially save the district some embarrassment) unless I have been authorized to do that. Can you believe that shit? He said he was going to talk to dispatch and the coach in charge of this whole mess (the one who screwed up!) to see if I should be paid. I have a sneaky suspicion what the coach's feelings on that will be. He won't want to get charged for my help!

Thankfully, my union rep has a much different take on this situation. "Tough shit!" her words. I was trying to help the district and I should get paid. Granted, I thought I had screwed up and that's why I ran to base, but once there, I continued to try and fix the problem by running down to my bus, turning it on and getting on the radio to make sure the drivers responsible for that trip had actually shown up. The lesson I am getting for the district now is that when they want my help I should tell them to shove off and not offer to help them. That's complete bullshit.

Another issue I am dealing with involves my Friday schedule. I have an out-of-district route and one of my schools is not going on Friday. However, one of them is and I have one student from that school. But rather than pay me as they should, the district would rather put her on another bus and pay that driver since he's above me in seniority. Again with the bullshit! I don't think it's right that I get shorted hours just because they don't want to pay me.

Though I am a worker who always shows up on time, do what I am supposed to do and have students and parents who think I am a really good driver (and, I would think, a value to the district), I'm getting the impression that the district really doesn't care about me at all.

Catching up

2009-09-19T15:10:00.000-07:00

Yikes. I haven't blogged about anything in a week.

Last weekend I went to the Puyallup Fair with my former roommate. Essentially, I wanted to experience three things: The Weird Al Yankovic 3D movie about the human brain, an a capella group called The Coats, and a fantastic ride called Extreme Scream. I did do all three things!

As a longtime fan of Weird Al, I was excited when I heard about his exhibit at the fair. It was at the Puyallup Fair that I saw his concert two years ago - a concert, I might add, that was one of the best I have ever experienced! Before the movie, you are handed a pair of glasses (and a wet wipte for steralization) as you walk into a room with many facts about the brain. The only problem with this is that they cram everyone into the room for the next show so you really can't read many of the facts unless you ask someone to move over. As more and more people are crammed into the room it becomes less and less possible to read anything.

Right about the time I started getting antsy, the lights dimmed and overhead a parody of 50's educational movies started. It was a great tongue-in-cheek parody typical of Weird Al. The movie itself was corny, but really funny. It reminded me a lot of Weird Al's show. The format is set up as a Q&A with Al answering video questions. At one point, a boring Dr is turned into a clever owl and, of course, many opportunities for shameless 3D effects are employed. At the end, Al launches into an original song about the brain. It is fast-passed and frantic at times, making it hard to catch all of what he is singing. It would have been great if they'd added subtitles with a bouncing brain so we could get all the words.

I found myself humming part of the song after the show, but the memory of the tune didn't really last as long. I'm not trying to slam the exhibit in any way. I'll go see anything featuring Weird Al. As far as I'm concerned, the guy is a genius and I was glad I got to see the 3D film!

The Extreme Scream is a fair tradition for me. You've probably seen versions of this ride all over. It's a tall tower with a base of seats that gets rapidly shot up the tower. I've ridden other versions of this ride. What sets the Puyallup Fair's version apart is that you get both experiences. First, you're shot up the tower and you bounce a little. Then you are slowly lifted up to the top and it drops you. This is the first time I've been on a ride like this that gives you both elements. People think I'm crazy for going on it, but you just can't beat the rush this ride gives!

I also went to all three concerts performed by a group called The Coats. I can't say enough about these guys! They are SO talented! After the first show I bought four of their CDs and got them autographed. While talking to the guys I was encouraged to come back for their other shows. The 2nd Tenor Jamie promised that each show would feature a different set of songs. How could I pass that up? If you ever hear about anything having to do with The Coats, check whatever it is out. You won't be disappointed.

My only other fair experiences revolved around the hypnotist Travis Fox. More accurately, the experience revolved around one of the people he hypnotized. At the first show was a volunteer named Junior. For that show, Fox had him perform as Aretha Franklin to the track Respect. The guy was awesome! At the end of that show, Fox asked Junior's family if he could hypnotize Junior to come back for the next show. Still in a hypnotized state, Junior was told that he would wake up thinking he had missed the show. He would have no recollection of having been in it, but at 6:55, he would feel an urge to return and try to catch the 7:00 show. He was told to walk up on the stage and sit in a chair when Fox called for volunteers.

Sure enough, my friends and I got excited when we saw Junior enter the concert area. At first he raised his hand but wasn't called on. Then he suddenly stood up and walked up to the stage. It took awhile for Fox to recognize Junior, but when he did, he had him peform as Michael Jackson to a Billy Jean track. Once again the guy was awesome! He even jumped off the stage and danced with a young girl from the audience. Once again, Fox asked if Junior could return for the 9pm show and repeated his suggestions from before.

My friends and I had planned to leave but with the promise of more Junior, we decided to stick around. Junior's family ended up stting in front of me and I struck up a conversation with them. They told me that Junior had been shown pictures and video of his other performances, but repeatidly told them he'd missed the show! They also told me that he is a dance instructor which explains his awesome moves from the first two shows.

This time, when Junior entered the stage area, he received a standing ovation! He looked at all of us like we were nuts...and we probably were. When the show started he once again walked on stage and ended up being featured at the end as one of four divas from the song Lady Marmalade from the movie Moulin Rouge.

Other than that, the previous week was uneventful. It just felt so long, but I think that's because I'm actually working 8 hours every week. Okay, okay, some of you are thinking "Uh...yeah...welcome to the real world!" Well this is the first year I've actually gotten guarenteed hours like this. They actually added two hours a week to my route due to it running long in the evenings. So now I'm done at 5pm. Now figure that my morning clock in is 5:45 and you can see why my day feels so long! My route just feels SO long! I do a lot of driving during the day and with the added trouble brought on by the autistic girl, I feel drained at the end of each day.

Last night, I signed for a trip, but since I get 39 hours a week now, I had to put next to my name +40 to let them know that they'd be paying me overtime. Essentially this means that should no one else want to do it, I could actually get the trip and get paid time and a half for it. This rarely happens, yet last night they called me as I was finishing my route and told me I got the trip. Suddenly I felt very rushed! I raced home to grab something for dinner (which didn't amount to much) and then raced down to the bus lot to start up a bus.

The whole thing ended up being VERY confusing! Whoever requested these trips for the week really screwed up. There were already three other buses at the site trying to pick up other groups and no one seemed to know who was going where. By the time I arrived, some of the coaches were understandably a little surly. The team I ended up driving was really awesome, though. Those poor guys were all crammed into my bus like sardines. In an effort to save money, they were dropped to one bus. I had guys practically hanging off the edge of seats in the aisle.

Today the madness continued. I was awarded a Saturday trip which is VERY rare! All Saturday trips pay time and a half. Last night I checked to make sure what my clock in was before leaving. Today, I got a call at 2:20 asking me why I wasn't there to pick up the football team. I told him that I have the return trip and then panicked. Did I screw up??

I rushed across the street to work and thankfully discovered that I wasn't one of the two drivers who was supposed to pick up the team. I am on the return trip later tonight. I still had to run down to my bus and call the drivers on the radio to make sure they had picked up the team. It turns out that the guy who called me wasn't even a coach. He had recieved a text that the buses hadn't shown up. By the time he called me, the team had been picked up and was on the way to the stadium. He had only called me because he had my number as a driver, but he didn't know ...well...much of anything.

On Monday I'm going to ask them if they'll pay me for the running around I did today. I think it's only fair! I was essentially doing someone else's job. I was the one running around in a panic for 30 minutes trying to make things right and I hadn't even done anything wrong! It's a good thing (for my boss) that I live so close to work...and that I had been home at all. I was actually starting to get ready for a trip to the library (which still hasn't happened).

I did continue watching a video I rented from the library called Heckler. It's a film my Jamie Kennedy about people who yell out at comics. Midway through the documentary, the focus shifted to movie critics. As I watched it became apparent to me that Jamie Kennedy takes critique too seriously. His opinion is that movie critics are not entitled to their opinions. He ends up taking what they say personally and, to a degree, I can see where he is coming from. Some of the things they say are personal and don't belong in a movie review. But he also takes it personally when one of them says he isn't funny. He claims they don't have a right to say that, but the way I see it, they have every right to say that about his performance because that's what they are being paid to do. If they don't find him funny in the movie, then it's something they should put in their review. At least that's how I feel about it.

In the film, Jamie Kennedy confronts several critics and asks them why they hate him. Most of them said they didn't hate him, they hated his performance. To me, that's a valid opinion, but Jamie takes it personally.

I thought Kennedy was great in the Scream movies. But later he started making movies about his characters from the Jamie Kennedy Project that just weren't funny! Son of the Mask was terrible, but not because of Jamie Kennedy. It was just a poorly written movie that took the rules previously established in the Jim Carey movie and threw them out the window.

At the end, during the credits, they interview Jamie's father who says "He's never been able to take criticism. He can dish it out, but he can't take it." That pretty much summed up the documentary for me. If you're going to be a comic or an actor or a filmmaker or even a writer, you need to be prepared for criticism. If you think about it, a comic dishes his own critiques, though. I've seen Jamie Kennedy's stand up and like most comics he makes fun of people. His observations could be called critiques, can't they? They are his opinions of people and he is sharing them to get a laugh. Why then is it so hard for him to take criticism back?

Another thing that bothered me about the documentary was the fact that many of the people interviewed were attacking critics as though they have no right to voice their opinions. Many times, those interviewed for the documentary said things like "They don't make movies so what right do they have to attack what we make?" Frankly, I think they have every right. Even if someone doesn't know how to make a movie (or doesn't have the financial backing to make one) doesn't mean they don't have the right to know what they think is good or what is bad. I've never made a movie, but I know when I am watching something that is poorly written or acted. As long as a person is able to intelligently explain what it was they didn't like about a movie I think they have every right to do so. Isn't that what America is all about?

Look at me pretending to be a movie critic! LOL. I suppose I should expect a visit from Jamie Kennedy, now. Jamie, if you're reading this, I don't hate you. Just haven't been crazy about many of your movies. Sorry, dude!

Unbearable Doubt

2009-09-03T19:57:00.000-07:00

Last Sunday, I was actually excited. I was taking a chance on a new aspect of my job, believing that I would be able to rise to the challenge.

Four days later I am laying around my apartment feeling sorry for myself.

The past two days have brought more challenges to me than the past six years total. I have faced hectic traffic conditions into schools, a school bus full of excited children, parents who think they know better than me how their child should behave on my bus, even an accident or two.

Today, I saw something that shoved all of those experiences into a file marked: Whatever.

But first, here's what happened yesterday.

The morning portion of my route doesn't start until next week, so I have been subbing another driver's morning route. The children on this route are in a program called "Cascade" which is designed for children who have behavior issues that make it hard for them to ride a larger school bus full of children. I have actually been able to handle those kids, though there was some drama on my bus yesterday.

One of the boys was having a difficult time staying in his seat. He would lean into the aisle to talk to another student. I found myself constantly reminding him what he should be doing to safely ride the bus, but my recommendations went ignored. About half-way through the route, as I was driving on slightly curving road, I heard the boy cry out as he fell out of his seat and onto the floor. He just lay there crying. I was finally able to find a place to pull over and go back to see what happened. He had decided to put his feet up on his seat and his knees inside his shirt. The bumping of the bus caused him to lose his balance and he fell out of the seat and onto his head.

The only good thing to come out of this was that he stayed in his seat for the rest of the ride. It was the ultimate object lesson! I had to keep calling back to him to make sure he was awake - fearing the whole time that the boy had a concussion. At school I told the teacher what happened and she promised to make sure he was okay. I had to fill out an incident report once I got back to base.

And yet, that was the easiest part of my day. That afternoon I met, for the first time, the female high school student about which I have been so heavily warned. She's a heavily autistic girl who had a reputation for being physically violent toward staff. Another driver told me how she came at him with a broom. She rode my bus for the first time yesterday and though I was completely scared the whole time, it went well. She stayed in her seat, buckled in. The entire time she yelled out questions. Apparently, her only voice level is ultra loud. Several times she saw a house and asked me who lived there. She yelled about every bus we passed. She yelled about every car we passed. She yelled about how the others on the bus were being too loud for her taste.

My ears were ringing by the time we got to her stop, but at least she had stayed in her seat. I had been warned that if I didn't answer her questions then it would make her angry and unpredictable, so by the time we got to her stop I was mentally exhausted. Oh, and of course her mom wasn't at the stop to pick her up. I called to base and was told that they had, in fact, been trying to call me since I left the school. I couldn't hear them because I had a very loud passenger on my bus whose mom was back at the school. Fortunately, her mom pulled up about thirty seconds after we arrived, which was great because we were blocking a lane on one of the busiest streets in town. Of course, this woman was in NO hurry! She drove up to her parking spot, parked her car and calmly walked back to the street where I had, by then, been waiting almost three minutes - blocking a lane of traffic. She barely thanked me as her daughter got off the bus.

Today, I was told that this girl REALLY needs to have a safety vest that literally buckles her to the seat. Without it, she has the potential to jump out of her seat and attack the driver or another student. When I arrived for my route this afternoon, they asked me if I had a safety vest and I told them I did. I had gotten one yesterday and knew that it was still in my bus.

When I arrived at the school, I went back to the pocket where I had put the vest and it was gone. I then had the embarrassing task of calling into base and telling them that I was, in fact, without a safety vest, even though they had asked me before leaving. I KNOW that I put one in my bus yesterday. The only explanation I could come up with was that someone had gone into my bus and taken it because they needed it. It's happened before.

Another driver at the school had an extra one, but it was a medium, not a large. Unfortunately, the girl is a very largely built black girl. The moment she saw the vest she started screaming. She hit the teachers and began running up and down the aisle of the bus screaming at the top of her lungs. The other kids on the bus had such a look of horror on the bus. I did as well. Five school employees were on my bus trying to get the vest onto this girl. They finally got it on but it was too small for her and the more she struggled, the more it came off. She screamed, she hit the staff, she hit the window. She almost hit another student.

I called into base and was told that obviously she couldn't ride if she is acting violent like that. The head of the special needs program at the school came onto the bus and offered to ride with her if I could bring him back after my run. Somehow the staff was able to get her calmed down and actually into the vest. Don't ask me how. With a blessing from dispatch, we left the school.

Thankfully there were no more incidences. However, I got a call from dispatch asking me to remind the girls mother that she still has two safety vests that belong to the district that she doesn't seem to want to return. It was my task to remind her to bring them both of them to school tomorrow.

I should probably mention some of the horror stories I have heard about the mother. She usually takes the girl to school in the morning without a vest and then blames the school bus driver in the afternoon. She often is not at the girl's stop to meet her daughter as she is supposed to be. When she finally shows up and is reminded of the bus stop time, she gets angry, hits the side of the bus and yells curses at the bus driver. Everything that happens is the staff's fault, not hers. She has been like this ever since the girl started riding buses in our district.

So now I was worried about how I was going to confront this woman about the two district vests we needed returned. Fortunately, the mother was not at the stop. Instead, it was her boyfriend who knew nothing of the vests but promised to take it up with the girl's mother. Frankly, I am not holding out much hope.

For the first time in my career as a bus driver I am scared to death to go to work. I keep having visions of an angry autistic girl coming at me while I'm driving and our bus rolling over into a ditch as a result. What the HELL have I gotten myself into? Four days into the school year and I am already wishing it was June! I have never dreaded going into work and now I am wondering if I should suddenly develop a cold tomorrow - and have it last the next 176 working days.

I don't know if I can handle this!

Oh, now about the mystery of the disappearing safety vest. Apparently yesterday afternoon, after I had gone home, the woman in charge of issuing them went down to everyone's bus and took out vests that were still in bags. Mine was because I hadn't yet used it. When I got back to base today, I was told that I should have "double checked for the vest" before leaving the lot. Okay, maybe I should have, but frankly I had no reason to think it wouldn't be there! I had put it in there yesterday and I am the only one who uses my bus. Why the hell would it NOT be there?? I ended up going and getting another one and it is currently in my backpack. I don't even want to let the thing out of my sight. I am mentally trying to think of hiding places on my bus...

I hate this feeling of helplessness. I hate that I am now dreading my job. I have always loved my job! In fact, I did get a bit of good news today. The kids on the routes I have had the past couple years were told by their current drivers that I said "hi" and they literally cheered when they heard my name! One of the routes actually called me legendary! Whatever, right?

So can a guy who loves his job one day, suddenly go to being a chickenshit, dreading it? Can one violent high school girl really have that much power? Right now, I feel this crushing weight of unbearable doubt pressing down on me. The thought of going into work tomorrow afternoon gives me the kind of heartburn I usually get after eating really bad junk food.

All the stress I had about last year's route now seems so laughable. Hell, I wish I could laugh about this year's stress, but right now, all I can do is worry. I have no idea how I am going to get through this year. I'm starting to worry that the stress of my route will cause me to drop out of yet another concert with the Seattle Men's Chorus. How can I face the stress this girl brings to my life and then go and rehearse for a show, get home late that night and then face an extremely early clock in - and the knowledge that I might have to face a violent girl once again.

I am not in a good place right now. Not at all...

I have even lost the excitement I've had about seeing the musical Wicked on Saturday. I have been looking forward to that all summer long, and now I'm worried that I won't even be able to enjoy it.

I HATE THIS!

Going Back - Going Forward

2009-08-30T19:28:00.000-07:00

No, this isn't another blog about work starting up tomorrow. Though I've been at my apartment almost seven months now, there are still boxes I haven't gone through. It's ridiculous, I know and I don't really have a good excuse. I'm just lazy.

I did go through (and eliminated!) a box and found an old journal I wrote in June of 1994 when I graduated from high school. A couple weeks before I graduated I was forced to deal with the death of a friend. Her name was Marsha and she died at 38. This happened right after Memorial day because we had just gotten back from the annual Trinity Lutheran Church retreat at Lake Arrowhead in California.

During that retreat, my brother Matt and I became really close with Marsha. She rang bells with us in our church bell choir - The Jubellation choir. Get it? I remember that weekend really well. Marsha, Matt and I hung out a lot together during those few days. I remember sitting at a table outside the dining hall and just talking until late. We went to see the movie Maverick and laughed because a black smudge on the screen gave Mel Gibson a mole. Most eerie about that whole weekend was that Marsha drove me home that Monday. I needed to get back early due to work, but my parents were in charge of running things that weekend and had to stay until everyone left. Marsha offered to give me a ride home.

According to what I wrote in my journal, Marsha dropped me off at 3pm, called her mom at 4:30 and made lunch plans for the next day and was found dead on Wednesday. Later, I would be told that I was probably the last person she knew who saw her alive. Marsha's death really hit me hard. I started the journal the day I found out about her death and for pages, she is all I could write about. At one point I mentioned that my mom was worried because my journal seemed to be only about her. I guess in a way Mom was right - though why the hell did she read my journal? I go on for pages and pages about what I was feeling about her death and then talk briefly about my actual graduation day. It's like that milestone of my life was greatly overshadowed by her passing.

It was really weird going back and reading about my life back then. I read my thoughts from when I was 18 and cringe! I was SO immature back then. I guess I can blame that on my being a late bloomer. I tried my hand at awful poetry and I also had REALLY bad penmanship! I was also a major Jesus freak back then! HUGE, even! I talk a lot about God's plan and His will. I talk about him calling Marsha home to be with him and marvel at the sentiment that the pastor shared at her funeral - she had passed before the eyes of God.

I have lost a lot of that. Not the poor penmanship...I still have that. But I'm not nearly as spiritual as I once was. A lot of that has to do with my sexuality. Unfortunately, the two don't go hand in hand that well. Back then, I was in denial about being gay. I don't even mention it in the journal, though I am certain I was dealing with it. I think it's missing from those pages of my life because I was afraid that someone would find and read it. I know that I was aware of it back then, though. I just wasn't willing to accept it. Part of that must struggle must have come from my strong spiritual nature.

I imagine a confused 18-year-old boy at odds with himself. He has no clue where he's going to college - something that everyone else in his class had taken care of earlier in the year like he should have - yet he is willing to commit to the Columbia House CD club. He is a young man that bitches about a "witch in the Principal's office" who refused to give him graduation tickets early even though he is going to be on a field trip when they would be handed out later. Life seems so unfair to him. He hates his job as a janitor, cleaning the school owned by his church, and is thrilled when someone mentions that the bathrooms have never been cleaner.

His penmanship is sloppy and scribbled. It reminds me of what he must have been going through at the time. By legal standards, he's an adult. He can vote, but mentions that he forgot to go vote in the primary elections. Society sees him as an adult, but he seems so very young - so very unprepared for life. And worst of all, he seems clueless about a lot of things.

Fifteen years later, I hope that boy is more grown. His penmanship is still really sloppy, but now he journals on a computer so it doesn't really matter. It's not even called journaling - now it's called blogging. College is now a distant memory in that boy's life. Even in college, he seemed to have no direction. Decisions were made fleetingly, choices were haphazard.

Hopefully his writing has improved! He no longer writes bad poetry. Now he likes to write fiction, particularly about confused gay teens like he once was.

I think there is growth in him, though. He's no longer a scared gay teen. Now, he's comfortable about that part of his life. Some may see the shift from his once powerful spiritual life to an acceptance about his homosexuality as a perversion. Some may see that as a lack of growth - a step (or perhaps several steps) in the wrong direction.

I see the young man that scared teen boy became and I do see growth. He's a proud member of a gay chorus - one of the best in the nation! Okay...it seems he sometimes still brags. He is taking chances, now. He moved to an apartment closer to work and got rid of his car. It was a scary move, but he did it and he succeeded at it! He decided to try something different at work by taking a job he doesn't usually do. It was another scary move on his part, but he is boosted by the success of his recent move into thinking that he's made another right choice.

Does he screw up? Often. He's a bit heavier than he wants to be and doesn't do the things he should to get himself healthier. He is afraid of always being single, without a romantic partnership, yet he can't find the courage to go out and find someone to fill that void. As he was back in 1994, the young man is still very unorganized and sometimes sloppy. He is lazy and doesn't want to make the time to get his apartment in order even after seven months.

Will he ever find that strong spiritual side of him that was so strong back then? He might. In fact, I think that it is still in him but the nature of that spirit has been changed by the difficult differences he has faced between his sexuality and the views of the church where he grew up. He recognizes the lies he was told as a teen - the lies that made him so scared and confused - and he believes with all his heart that they were (and still are) indeed wrong.

He has done a lot of growing these past fifteen years, but he has a lot of growing yet to do. He's not a bad person, but he is far from perfect.

He is me and he is doing pretty damn good.

It starts...

2009-08-30T08:03:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is the big day. I purposely set my alarm this morning to wake me up at 7:00. I figure now is as good a time as any to get back into the schedule of bus driving. Thankfully, my early-morning 5:45 clock in does not start this week. My whole morning run consists of picking up those three hard of hearing students and driving them to Edmonds Woodway High school north of Seattle. Since that school district doesn't start until after labor day, my morning run doesn't go next week.

I had been assured that I would get morning work for the week anyway. Sure enough, I got a call on Friday with some options. Since I have a route and seniority number, I get first pick ahead of all the on call drivers. Initially I chose a job as an overfill bus which consisted of sitting around in the lower lot waiting to be called if drivers need help on their morning runs. Joan, one of our faithful dispatchers, told me that I'd definitely do that on Monday and Tuesday, but most likely be driving a route the last three days of the week.

In the end, I decided to just take the route the entire week for consistency. If I'm going to have to learn it anyway, I might as well struggle through it the first couple days and be a pro at it the rest of the week. Besides, I figure being an overfill bus would be challenging anyway because they'd call me and tell me where to go and I would just have to know exactly where that stop is they need covered. To me, even though I know the area fairly well, it sounded a little stressful.

Anyway, thanks to the morning work, I'll get a little closer to my usual hours this week; probably around 36 1/2 hours. Getting as much work these first two weeks is crucial! Our September 30th check tends to be terribly light due to only getting a couple weeks of work on it. This is why they offer us an attendance bonus at the end of August for the previous year. Once again I got the full $1000 bonus this year. I only missed the full bonus once my second year when my alarm clock failed to go off the last week of school one morning. $500 down the drain!

This year, I figure I'll get around $1200 on that low check so if I can save $600 of my bonus, I should be sitting nicely on financial stability for the month of October. A lot of people hate the concept of the bonus because it encourages people to come in sick when they might not be at their best for driving. Frankly, I have come to depend on the bonus to get me through the months of September and October every year and I'd definitely miss it. My only problem with the bonus is that it is put into our check before taxes. Who ever heard of getting taxed on a bonus?

I had been hearing rumors of a new driver being gay. I finally met him last Thursday at the special needs training class. All the new drivers were required to be at it, in case they are called to sub for a special needs route. I was sad to hear that all the newly hired drivers didn't get routes this year. All of them were placed in on-call positions. In fact, two drivers who had routes last year were told that they wouldn't be given routes this year! Can you imagine having a steady job and benefits one year and have them taken away the next? I'm glad I'm high enough in seniority that I don't have to worry about that!

I technically didn't need to go to the special needs training since I did a lot of those routes as midday work last year, including wheelchair tie downs. I went anyway because I wanted to get some advice on how to best to deal with autistic high schoolers. And to finally meet the new gay driver! Oh...and I got paid for the two hours...

The new guy seems to be a real ham! All the other new drivers would roll their eyes when he made a comment as though they had heard all his shenanigans before. To me, he comes across as a bitchy queen. He was definitely an attention whore! I doubt I could ever date the guy, though isn't that when you're most likely to date someone? At least that's how it seems to work in those romantic comedies. The pair most likely to hate each other at the beginning end up falling in love. Not that I hate the new guy at all! He's funny most of the time. He just isn't the kind of guy I'd see myself dating.

Plus, isn't there a VERY important rule about NOT dating co-workers? They tell me that about dating guys in the Seattle Men's Chorus, too. Should there be a terrible breakup, you have to see that person all the time. The thing that sucks about this is that it's just so stinking hard to meet other gay guys outside of work and the chorus! How am I supposed to meet the future love of my life? Of course, I could very well be blogging about a future date with that new driver in a couple months. Who knows...?

I still haven't gotten any news about the Wicked contest! I guess they are still reading entries. That means that they got a fair amount. Ugh, more competition! I am confident that my entry was really good. Those who read it liked it and declared it a good shot for a winner. I'm hoping I find out this next week. In any case, I still have the ticket that I bought and will be seeing the show on Saturday! I can't wait!