Communication?

Today I came home in the middle of the day between bus runs. I am expecting to get a really nice field trip tomorrow, so there was no need to do midday work today. If I do, I will go over 40 hours this week and that is a big no-no. Shortly after I got home, my roommate (who has a midday) surprised me by walking in the door. He had forgotten his cell phone, he told me, and needed to rush back to work. He did stop to ask why I hadn't taken a midday today, and I explained. The conversation didn't last more than 5 minutes.

After he had left, I went to the kitchen to get some toast and peanut butter (I realize that there is currently a peanut butter salmonella scare going on right now - ask me how much I care?) and when I took my jar out of the cupboard I was surprised to see a receipt taped to it. That's when I remembered a conversation my roommate and I had back in December. I had mentioned to him that I wanted to get a jar of peanut butter and he told me he was heading to Costco and would just buy the 2-pack they have there. Sounded great to me.

Of course I told him I would pay him back for he peanut butter, but it was one of those things that I don't think about on a regular basis. Of course I planned on paying him back, I just forgot. But rather than mention in passing (today perhaps?) that I still owed him for the peanut butter, my roommate simply taped a reminder to the jar.

Is it just me or is this petty? Is there a reason he couldn't have just mentioned it to me? I had some peanut butter last night and the receipt wasn't there, so obviously the $5 owed him has been on his mind recently. Why couldn't he just come to me and remind me verbally? Why stoop to the childish tactics that he usually does? The man is over 50 years old! Isn't it time for him to depart from his childish ways and fraking grow up? Is he afraid that I'm going to bite his head off because he dared to remind me I owe him five fraking dollars? It's not like I'm trying to welch on a $5 debt. I planned on paying him back, but I'm a human and I sometimes forget. I often forget. If he wants his money so badly (if the $5 really is keeping him from eating this month) why stoop to such a petty way of getting it back?

I guess I'm not one to talk. My response to his "subtle" message was to write him a check and tape it with the receipt to his jar of peanut butter. Could I hand him the check tonight when we're both home? Sure thing. But this seems much more fun to me.

The one?

When I meet a guy and attraction develops, why is there such an obsession? I tend to obsess too much about such things.

Take, for example, my crush on John Tartaglia.

I mean, look at the guy. What's not to like? He's cute. He's talented. I've met him and he's one of the nicest guys you'll ever meet. When I first found out about him it was through the Avenue Q soundtrack. The more I listened to it, the more I was captivated by his voice. Then came my discovery of Johnny and the Sprites - a children's show on Disney Channel. I found myself setting up a season pass on Tivo and faithfully watching the show because I was captivated by John. Okay...I obsessed about him. I still do. I am often teased by my friends by how much I obsess about him. Perhaps that is an intervention on their part?

I also obsess about Matt Damon...

Again, what's not to like? Do I even really need to explain this one to you?

I might as well confess my first ever crush: Fred Savage. I obsessed about him, too.

My point is that once I find a guy attractive I think about him all the time. I'm like a high school girl writing his name on paper, wondering what he's doing right at the moment I'm thinking about him, wondering if he ever thinks of me (or if he would if he knew of me). Sometimes I'll wonder what would happen if he fell in love with me.

I bring all this up because it has started happening again. I recently met a guy and even more recently got to know him a little bit more. Not to the point where I am in love with him, but enough to make me want to know him more. Aside from being amazingly handsome, the guy is smart, mature and oh that smile! So for the past day or two I've been obsessing. He's on my mind, invading my fantasies like a relentless suggestion from that paper clip icon in Microsoft Word - only there is no option to turn off the thoughts I keep having about him. And by the way, this isn't some actor like John, Matt and Fred. This is a guy I've actually met who is a recent addition to my circle of friends, so it's not like I'm obsessing about yet another celebrity.

Is this unhealthy? It probably is, but I can't help it. I've been told that he's "seeing someone" at the moment so any possibility of something happening between us (at least now, though my mind keeps wanting to add the phrase "and forever" as well) is pretty slim.

I don't really want to say much more about this guy - not because I'm afraid of "jinxing" anything, but because I know I'll be embarrassed months later when I go back and reread this blog entry. Despite my certain embarrassment, I wanted to get down some thoughts about him - if only to get them out of my head. Hopefully I'll be able to get over these feeling I have for the guy and move on. I know that's the right thing to do, but at the same time, my heart really doesn't want that.

My mom would tell me to "be his friend." I know that is sage advice and it is actually what I am trying to do now. I've honestly had so little interaction with him thus far, but I am hoping that this changes. As more opportunities to be around him occur, I'm hoping that I'll be able to develop some kind of a friendship with him and see if things go from there.

Oh, by the way, despite my apparent lack of fully functioning gaydar, I am certain that this guy is gay, so rest assured this isn't some straight guy with whom I have absolutely NO shot with that I'm obsessing over. My doubts about any future with him at the moment, though, stem from the rumors I have heard that he's starting a relationship with another guy and, of course, my own self doubt that there is any guy (especially one with such good looks) out there who could possibly want anything to do with me.

Okay, I'm not going to say any more. Frankly, I've said too much already. I haven't even mentioned that he recently complimented me about something and it was genuine. Of course, I'm reading too much into it, but it was nice to hear him say it. I keep hoping that I'm somehow on his radar - or gaydar. That somehow, should things not work out with the other guy, that he would consider giving it a shot with me.

Is there any time when obsession is healthy? Is it okay when the obsessions are just in my head? I mean, I have no desire to stalk the guy or anything. I just think about him a lot. I'm not sending him a ton of embarrassing messages through facebook or myspace. I'm not calling him and hanging up.

Not yet, anyway...

And I thought my Roommate was difficult!

My friend sent me the link to this ad on Craigslist. I can't imagine why this guy doesn't have a line of potential tenants around his block! It could just be me, but I don't think his "being a born again Christian is the problem...

All the tenants I interview aren't good enough

I am a born again Christian. Why is this a problem for people????! I have a house that's MINE and I PAID FOR IT. I also have a basement apartment for rent. It's a great space for I'm charing very little for it, $480 monthly, for the right tenant. I know it's ILLEGAL to require a Christian in the apartment, against the human rights. That's why I NEVER put this in my ad. Why then does it keep getting taken down?

HERE IS THE AD I POSTED, AND THE AD THAT KEEPS GETTING REMOVED:

Available Immediately – Broadway and Commercial – Showing Saturday and Sunday – Email for directions and additional information.

What kind of apartment is it?

• One bedroom basement apartment with separate entrance
• Tastefully decorated with modern décor
• Approximately 650 square feet
• There is even a window! Security bars installed for your safety and to prevent unauthorized activity
• Closed circuit camera installed for security and safety. One in your suite, one at the entrance, and one in the exercise yard

Rent:
• $480.00 per month
• First month’s rent + ½ month security deposit due at move in
• Small pet allowed with approval and payment of additional ½ month pet damage deposit
• One year lease permitted, option to renew lease at end of the term with no increase in rent
• LANDLORD’S SPECIAL! Move in before January 1st and don’t pay for the remainder of December! That’s significant savings.

Included in the rent:

• Electricity
• Heat – Maintained at 21 degrees with lock box to prevent unauthorized tampering. Additional heating available for $20.00 per extra degree of heating per month. You may not use your oven to heat the apartment. If you do, you will be fined $50.00 per occurrence.
• Air conditioning – Maintained at 25 degrees during the summer with lock box to prevent extra cooling from being dispensed. Additional cooling for sale for $20.00 per degree of cooling requested per month.
• 25" Zenith color television set with basic cable service - INCLUDED IN RENT!
• Wireless internet (with content filter applied to block forbidden/immoral websites) - INCLUDED IN RENT!
• Provision of coin laundry services - You will have your own personal coin laundry washer and dryer machines. Washers and dryers are paid using a token system. Tokens can be purchased through the landlord. Washer tokens cost $4.15 each and dryer tokens cost $3.60 each. You are not allowed to use foreign
currency or slugs in the washer and dryer. Violators will be fined $100.00 per infraction.

About us: (Landlords)

We are conservative, bible believing, God-fearing, born again, evangelical Christians. We interpret the bible literally in every way possible. We live a strict moral code and observe God’s laws in our everyday life. My wife stays at home and teaches our home-schooled children. I work as a pastor at a local congregation and am active in the faith community.

About you: (Tenant)

• You are employed
• You do not participate in lascivious deviant sexual behavior
• You do not choose alternative lifestyles as your lifestyle
• You do not have any criminal history
• You must have excellent character references
• You do not smoke, drink or take drugs. Mandatory drug screening required.


Additional Rules/Conditions:

CLEANLINESS: You are responsible for the cleanliness and orderliness of
your apartment. Beds are to be made before leaving your suite,
countertops must be wiped down, and you must remove all trash. Upon
inspection, if the tenant's basement suite is not clean, the cost of
cleaning services plus a fine of $100.00 will be levied.
LIGHTS: The lights in your basement suite and in the day room are not to
be tampered with. If a light needs repair, report the condition to the
Landlord.
WAKE-UP: Wake up will be at 5:30am each morning. All ceiling lights in
the suite will be turned on automatically.
LIGHTS OUT: Ceiling lights in the suite will be turned off at 11:30pm.
CONTRABAND: The following items are considered contraband – alcohol, illegal drugs, tobacco, weapons, lock picking equipment. If any contraband is discovered to be in your possession, you will be subject to a minimum $1,000.00 fine. In addition, your items will be confiscated permanently. Second offense – you will be evicted without notice. A bailiff will escort you and your belongings off the premises. Your security deposit will not be returned.
SMOKING: The basement suite is non-smoking. Anyone in possession of
tobacco products of any kind or any lighter or matches, will have their
contraband items confiscated and will be fined $100.00.
INSPECTIONS: The Landlord will conduct unannounced inspections to ensure
that these rules and regulations are being followed.
VISITATION: Visitation periods will be on Saturdays and Sundays from
1:00 p.m. until 3:00 p.m. All visitors and their vehicles are subject
to search while on landlord property. Refusal to allow a search can
result in their being barred from all future visitation privileges. All
visitors must sign the Visitor's Log. Unauthorized visitors will be
escorted from the property, and the tenant will be fined $250.00.
I.D. BRACELETS: Each tenant will be issued an I.D. bracelet with his/her
photograph. It must be worn at all times. If you lose your I.D.
bracelet or it is broken, you will be required to purchase a new one at
the nominal cost of $5.00.
EXERCISE YARD: The tenant will have access to the exercise yard in the
area to the back of the property for 2 hours per day from 4:00 pm to
6:00 pm. The tenant is not allowed to bring any personal property to
the exercise yard. Once the tenant leaves the exercise yard on a
particular day, he or she may not return. No boisterous behavior is
allowed in the exercise yard. There is no smoking allowed in the
exercise yard. Minimum fine for exercise yard infractions is $50.00.


So here is my question: if Jesus Christ Himself applied for this "basement suite" would he have been accepted?

Band Fags! by Frank Anthony Polito

I just finished reading my first book of 2009: Band Fags! by Frank Anthony Polito. It is the story about a teenager named Jack. He has a pretty good life with all the neat things a teenager growing up in the 80's could want: Beta tape player, Atari 5200, and a parent-pleasing GPA. He's a smart kid, but he's still a kid and he's going to make mistakes. As the story continues, we follow Jack through middle school and into high school. We see his first loves, his awkward dates and growing friendships. Oh...and he might be gay, too.

Band Fags is a term often used to describe anyone in the band - not just the ones who are actually gay. As I've read reviews of this book, I've seen many complain about the title. It is definately one that catches the attention. I must confess that I started reading this book during Christmas Vacation, hoping that I could finish it by the time school started up again. I wasn't sure how I'd be able to read it at work on a school bus. Since I didn't finish it in time, but was too unwilling to give up on it, I did my best to hide the cover out of shame.

How sad. I'm still hiding things with regards to homosexuality because I don't want to offend anyone. One morning I was reading the book between school runs. I had a layover at my first stop where I usually have time to read as students start loading on my bus before the depart time. One mother brought her daughter and, as she usually does, asked what I was reading. Without anything, I showed her the cover and wasn't surprised as she blanched slightly when she read the title.

"What is it about?" she asked.

"It's about stereotypes," I finally answered, not wanting to get into much more than that. She accepted my description and went on about her day.

Actually, that's a pretty decent explanation for this book. It is about the stereotypes that end up lumping people with labels. Like Band Fag, Jock Jerk, Drama Queer, etc. It ends up being expected that people who like certain things have to be a certain way. For Jack, his self-identity is often scrutinized by those stereotypes and this leads him to troubling conclusions.

Of course, it is about so much more than this trite summary. It's about a boy coming to terms with his sexuality. It is about dedication to friendship, first loves, bad choices, peer pressure. It is also a really fun look back at the 80's. Polito flavors the book with some great 80's references that will often take you back to those days - even though you may have tried blocking those memories our of embarrassment. Why did everyone say "dude" all the time?

There was one point where Jack talks about an HBO special he found called Women of the Night. The special starred four amazing female comics: Ellen DeGeneres, Rita Rudner, Juda Tenuta and Paula Poundstone. I had to laugh while I read that because I not only saw that special, but bought it on video tape! What he doesn't mention in the book was that it was also hosted by Martin Short and featured Marc Shaiman on the piano! I loved that show so much! That's the kind of memories this book will most likely invoke for people who grew up during the 80's.

Another really amazing (and difficult) part of the book dealt with how Jack despised himself when he finally gave in to his homosexual feelings and began to "fool around." He describes looking in the mirror and hating what he sees. He climbs into the shower and vigorously scrubs himself, hoping to wash away the sins. He prays that God will make him normal. He brushes his teeth over and over, scrubs his tongue, rinses with mouthwash - all in an attempt to cleanse himself.

This was a very important part of the book for me. When I was in college, I was still very closeted. I knew the feelings were there but I wanted so badly for them to not be. Every weekday morning we had chapel and I was often sitting there in a pew praying that God would make me normal. I would say things like "This is a sick, sinful thing I keep thinking about! Please help me get rid of these thoughts, Lord." I went through such torment because for so long I had been led to believe it was wrong. If I could have pulled out my brain and scrubbed it I would have, so guilty did I feel.

I very much enjoyed Band Fags! It is so much more than just a coming out story. It is a look at the struggles of not just a gay teen, but teens in general. It is also a great time travel back to a decade of bad hair, great music and embarrassing fads.