The one?

When I meet a guy and attraction develops, why is there such an obsession? I tend to obsess too much about such things.

Take, for example, my crush on John Tartaglia.

I mean, look at the guy. What's not to like? He's cute. He's talented. I've met him and he's one of the nicest guys you'll ever meet. When I first found out about him it was through the Avenue Q soundtrack. The more I listened to it, the more I was captivated by his voice. Then came my discovery of Johnny and the Sprites - a children's show on Disney Channel. I found myself setting up a season pass on Tivo and faithfully watching the show because I was captivated by John. Okay...I obsessed about him. I still do. I am often teased by my friends by how much I obsess about him. Perhaps that is an intervention on their part?

I also obsess about Matt Damon...

Again, what's not to like? Do I even really need to explain this one to you?

I might as well confess my first ever crush: Fred Savage. I obsessed about him, too.

My point is that once I find a guy attractive I think about him all the time. I'm like a high school girl writing his name on paper, wondering what he's doing right at the moment I'm thinking about him, wondering if he ever thinks of me (or if he would if he knew of me). Sometimes I'll wonder what would happen if he fell in love with me.

I bring all this up because it has started happening again. I recently met a guy and even more recently got to know him a little bit more. Not to the point where I am in love with him, but enough to make me want to know him more. Aside from being amazingly handsome, the guy is smart, mature and oh that smile! So for the past day or two I've been obsessing. He's on my mind, invading my fantasies like a relentless suggestion from that paper clip icon in Microsoft Word - only there is no option to turn off the thoughts I keep having about him. And by the way, this isn't some actor like John, Matt and Fred. This is a guy I've actually met who is a recent addition to my circle of friends, so it's not like I'm obsessing about yet another celebrity.

Is this unhealthy? It probably is, but I can't help it. I've been told that he's "seeing someone" at the moment so any possibility of something happening between us (at least now, though my mind keeps wanting to add the phrase "and forever" as well) is pretty slim.

I don't really want to say much more about this guy - not because I'm afraid of "jinxing" anything, but because I know I'll be embarrassed months later when I go back and reread this blog entry. Despite my certain embarrassment, I wanted to get down some thoughts about him - if only to get them out of my head. Hopefully I'll be able to get over these feeling I have for the guy and move on. I know that's the right thing to do, but at the same time, my heart really doesn't want that.

My mom would tell me to "be his friend." I know that is sage advice and it is actually what I am trying to do now. I've honestly had so little interaction with him thus far, but I am hoping that this changes. As more opportunities to be around him occur, I'm hoping that I'll be able to develop some kind of a friendship with him and see if things go from there.

Oh, by the way, despite my apparent lack of fully functioning gaydar, I am certain that this guy is gay, so rest assured this isn't some straight guy with whom I have absolutely NO shot with that I'm obsessing over. My doubts about any future with him at the moment, though, stem from the rumors I have heard that he's starting a relationship with another guy and, of course, my own self doubt that there is any guy (especially one with such good looks) out there who could possibly want anything to do with me.

Okay, I'm not going to say any more. Frankly, I've said too much already. I haven't even mentioned that he recently complimented me about something and it was genuine. Of course, I'm reading too much into it, but it was nice to hear him say it. I keep hoping that I'm somehow on his radar - or gaydar. That somehow, should things not work out with the other guy, that he would consider giving it a shot with me.

Is there any time when obsession is healthy? Is it okay when the obsessions are just in my head? I mean, I have no desire to stalk the guy or anything. I just think about him a lot. I'm not sending him a ton of embarrassing messages through facebook or myspace. I'm not calling him and hanging up.

Not yet, anyway...