This week, I had the mother of all Fiddler on the Roof moments. Remember that part in the show where the two sisters dream of the Matchmaker Yenta bringing them a handsome husband? The first part of that song is all about the dreamy men they are sure will be matched with them.
That was me on Monday. My friend from work Liz came to me, buzzing with excitement. There is a new guy at work who is gay and he had ridden along on her route. Our district does that with new drivers. It gives them a chance to understand how routes work and helps them build experience of driving a bus with children. As she did with me, Liz asked him if he was gay and then proceeded to tell him all about me. ALL ABOUT ME - including my many faults!
I had gone to a special needs training class at the beginning of the school year where I had met this new guy and he remembered who I was (and claimed that I had been shamelessly flirting with him during that meeting). He told Liz that I am "his type" and so the gears in Liz's head began formulating a plan to get him doing a ride-along on my bus. That afternoon I was told that he would be riding on my route Tuesday morning. Damn, Liz is good!
All I could think about Monday night was the potential. I went to the SMC rehearsal and told everyone who would listen about the "date". I was really nervous and excited about the next day. That night I worked on what I was going to wear and how early I'd need to get up to get ready.
Back to Fiddler on the Roof. As the Matchmaker song continues, the older sister enters and suddenly brings harsh reality to the dreams of her sisters. With glee she dons an old scarf and describes two very unattractive men that Matchmaker Yenta could find for them. Suddenly, the attitude of her sisters change and they sing about how they'll be happy to wait for their turn at Matchmaker Roulette.
When I arrived at work and met T, the very first thing he did was (barely) look up from his cell phone and say "You're late." I was actually three minutes early, but whatever. For the next 2 hours, I was treated to every criticism that bitchy queen wanted to throw at me.
He didn't like the way I drive. He didn't like the route I took when picking up the students or driving back from the school. He told me that since I'm a writer I'm probably unorganized and messy and that would drive him crazy (since he makes Monica from Friends look like a slob!). He would NEVER set foot in my apartment because I have pet rats. He thinks I am paying too much for rent and should move somewhere cheaper (or better yet, have better financial stability to buy my own house). He couldn't believe I don't have a car. He thought I should dress better. I don't carry myself very well. I should work harder and make more money. When I told him what car I used to drive he scoffed and told me there was no way he ever would have ridden in my car. The criticisms went on and on.
On top of it all, he kept telling me that I should have more confidence in myself... Despite all the criticisms he kept throwing at me.
At one point he had asked me my shoe size and was amazed when I told him I wear a size 13. When I parked my bus, he asked to see my hand, did a bit of measuring against his own and then smiled at me and said "You're well hung."
Despite all of that, I still approached the subject of dating with him. He told me it wouldn't happen because we work together now. I'm guessing a lot of his other criticisms factored into that as well. The more I thought about it as the day went on, the more glad I was that he said that. Dating him would have been disastrous and a relationship with him would be impossible. We left things with the open possibility for friendship.
Once again I find myself thinking it's impossible for me to ever find love. My experiences in searching for a relationship have been met with more and more guys like the one mentioned above. I think gay guys (myself included) are too critical. Somehow there are some who make it work and I applaud them, but I have no clue how they managed to not only find someone for a relationship, but figured out how to keep in that relationship.
As for me, I find myself taking one more step closer to becoming that bitter cynic who hates the candy and Hallmark-pushed Valentine's Day. I can't help but see myself becoming a bitter old queen sitting in the back of a movie theater loudly complaining about plot holes and unbelievably every time I see a romantic comedy.
Maybe I've just been single too long that the concept of having romance in my life is now just too scary. Maybe there wasn't even anything wrong with the guy I met yesterday. Maybe I was the one being too critical of him.
If I remember correctly, even the two sisters from Fiddler on the Roof eventually found love. Sheesh, how boringly predictable!
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