Is it a sin?

I am currently reading a fantastic book right now. Usually, when I blog about something like that, I like to have finished the book before I discuss it. But I just finished reading a section that has really got me thinking and when I am thinking about something in this way, I have to write about it. It's just how I roll!

So first, let me explain about the book, then I'll get into what I just read...and thus, why I feel the need to write about it.

Thinking Straight is the second novel by Robin Reardon. I haven't read the first one yet, but I definitely plan to soon. Thinking Straight is about a gay teen named Taylor who, soon after finding the perfect boyfriend in another teen named Will, comes out to his parents. Naturally, his devoutly religious parents panic and send him to a Christian program called Straight to God. Taylor is told that he'll be forced to stay there until he is able to change his gay feelings.

When he first arrives at Straight to God, he is understandably angry. They thrust him into this invironment by calling his gay feelings sins from which he must be purged. To start the program, he is given a yellow sticker and told that for the first several days he'll be in "SafeZone" meaning that he cannot talk. The sticker will tell everyone else that he's in SafeZone so they won't try to make him talk.

Though it is clear that many people at Straight to God favor the belief that homosexuality is a sin from which the sinners must be purged, Taylor soon meets people within the program who have a different perspective.

Okay, I need to stop here because I'll start giving too much away and, frankly, if you're reading this, then I want you to consider reading Thinking Straight. I'll now talk about the segment of the book that has prompted me to start writing and hopefully give nothing more of the plot away.

There is discussion in the book about homosexuality as a sin. As a homosexual myself, I have struggled with the concept. My brother, who is a strong supporter of who I am, believes that being gay is not a sin, however acting on my sexual desires IS a sin. Even so, everyone is a sinner, so even though I may end up having sex with another man, I'm not any worse than a person who, for example, lies.

The people most vehemently against sexuality would argue that if I "choose" to be in a relationship with another man, and therefore have sex with him, then I am "choosing" to live in sin. That word "choose" is another one of those hot topics. Obviously, I don't choose to be gay. Trust me on this. Ellen Degeneres once asked Why would anyone choose to be gay? Why would someone choose the persecution and hatred of people? Why indeed? Believe me, had I actually had the choice, I would have had a thing for women so I could marry a nice girl and provide my parents with some awesome grandchildren.

This wasn't my choice, though. I am sexually attracted to men. Since I can't speak for straight people, I have to wonder if their attraction to the opposite sex is a choice. Did they choose to find it difficult to speak when around a member of the opposite sex? Did they find themselves choosing to have those natural desires about that person?

Ah, there's another word: "natural". You see, being gay is "unnatural", or so say the people against it. Another word is "normal". Personally, I have come to believe that normal is merely a setting on the washing machine. Anyway, what is "normal" exactly? Brown hair? Blond hair? Blue eyes? Brown eyes? Straight? Gay?

But I'm getting off topic, here, and that's just too easy a thing to do in this debate on homosexuality.

The thing I really want to talk about is homosexuality as a sin. Let's get back to the book. In the book several characters discuss the concept of sin. As a group, they come to the conclusion that sin is anything that takes us away from love. Love is what brings us to God, so anything that causes us to stray from love is a sin because it diverts us from that path to God.

Maybe that is too simplistic a summary of the discussion within the book. That's why I want to encourage you to read it and draw your own conclusions. But I really like this view of sin that the author makes. It makes sense to me that a sin would be something that takes a person away from love and, therefore, takes a person off the path to God.

So, by that definition of sin, is having sex with a member of the same sex a sin? If two men, for example, are deeply in love and having sex... are they removing themselves from the path to God? If you accept the above-mentioned view of love, then no, they are not. As with a male/female couple, the two men are expressing their love for each other. So how can that be a sin?

Let's look at the Bible - which they do in the book. In the Bible, homosexuality is called a sin. Why? Well, in Thinking Straight, the characters talk about when the Bible was written. Think about it... at that time, there wasn't security like retirement plans or savings accounts. Okay, in this day and age of a terrible economy, it would seem we are losing that, but for the sake of arguement, let's pretend that isn't happening!

Back in the days of the Bible, if someone didn't have kids who would care for them when they were older, then someone else, the community perhaps, would have to. They would essentially become a burden to the community. That might, in theory, cause people to depart from love. Maybe they'd be angry about the situation. Today, though, that wouldn't really be a problem. Today, homosexuals, though they don't have kids, can pretty much take care of themselves and aren't a burden on society (not counting the fact that so many people are still burdened by the concept of homosexuality).

So the theory is presented in the book that maybe back then, because homosexuality caused people to depart from love and therefore stray from that path to God, that it was a sin. It WAS a sin. Maybe it isn't a sin today because homosexualty doesn't affect people in that same way today.

Can something that was considered a sin back then, lose that status over time? Say, for example... Eating pig (Leviticus 11:7)? Eating shellfish (Leviticus 11:14)? Playing football (Levitivus 11:24-28)? Planting tulips with daffodiles (Leviticus 19:19)? Wearing a cotton-blend shirt (Leviticus 19:19)? Trimming your beard and side burns (Leviticus 19:27)? Getting a tatoo (Leviticus 19:28)? Working on Sunday, or whatever day you consider the Sabbath (Leviticus 19:30)? Standing up when an elderly person enters the room (Leviticus 19:32)? How about those sins that back then, required the sinner to be put to death: a son or daughter showing anger toward their parents - watch out teenagers (Leviticus 20:9), adultery (Leviticus 20:10)...

Today, many of those things wouldn't be considered sins. I mean who reading this loves to eat ham? Who reading this prefers to not have Elvis sideburns? Pastor...must you work on Sunday? So if these things aren't considered sins, why is homosexuality?

This is just what's on my mind right now. I really don't believe that expression of the love that one man has for another through sex is a sin. Granted, there are a lot of gay men out there who love to sleep around. I guess you could say there are a lot of gay men who love the freedom of multiple sex partners. But isn't that frowned upon as far as straight people go? If a gay couple is in a committed relationship, could their sexual activity be considered "making love?" If it IS "making love" then isn't it in keeping with the idea that they are still on that path of love to God?

Notice how I'm doing my best to not mention the fact that many people yell out "Oh God!" during sex? Really, I think that shows maturity!

So what do you think? Is this a sound arguement that maybe homosexuality isn't quite the sin that people still want to make it? Is it possible that, God willing, when I finally meet a guy who loves me and we enter into a relationship and we have sex out of love for each other, that we we won't be damning each other to hell because of it? I sure hope so.

I believe I was born gay. I believe that God made me gay. I believe that He's going to be okay with me having sex with a man with whom I am in love.

Now if only I could find that guy!

Band Fags! by Frank Anthony Polito

I just finished reading my first book of 2009: Band Fags! by Frank Anthony Polito. It is the story about a teenager named Jack. He has a pretty good life with all the neat things a teenager growing up in the 80's could want: Beta tape player, Atari 5200, and a parent-pleasing GPA. He's a smart kid, but he's still a kid and he's going to make mistakes. As the story continues, we follow Jack through middle school and into high school. We see his first loves, his awkward dates and growing friendships. Oh...and he might be gay, too.

Band Fags is a term often used to describe anyone in the band - not just the ones who are actually gay. As I've read reviews of this book, I've seen many complain about the title. It is definately one that catches the attention. I must confess that I started reading this book during Christmas Vacation, hoping that I could finish it by the time school started up again. I wasn't sure how I'd be able to read it at work on a school bus. Since I didn't finish it in time, but was too unwilling to give up on it, I did my best to hide the cover out of shame.

How sad. I'm still hiding things with regards to homosexuality because I don't want to offend anyone. One morning I was reading the book between school runs. I had a layover at my first stop where I usually have time to read as students start loading on my bus before the depart time. One mother brought her daughter and, as she usually does, asked what I was reading. Without anything, I showed her the cover and wasn't surprised as she blanched slightly when she read the title.

"What is it about?" she asked.

"It's about stereotypes," I finally answered, not wanting to get into much more than that. She accepted my description and went on about her day.

Actually, that's a pretty decent explanation for this book. It is about the stereotypes that end up lumping people with labels. Like Band Fag, Jock Jerk, Drama Queer, etc. It ends up being expected that people who like certain things have to be a certain way. For Jack, his self-identity is often scrutinized by those stereotypes and this leads him to troubling conclusions.

Of course, it is about so much more than this trite summary. It's about a boy coming to terms with his sexuality. It is about dedication to friendship, first loves, bad choices, peer pressure. It is also a really fun look back at the 80's. Polito flavors the book with some great 80's references that will often take you back to those days - even though you may have tried blocking those memories our of embarrassment. Why did everyone say "dude" all the time?

There was one point where Jack talks about an HBO special he found called Women of the Night. The special starred four amazing female comics: Ellen DeGeneres, Rita Rudner, Juda Tenuta and Paula Poundstone. I had to laugh while I read that because I not only saw that special, but bought it on video tape! What he doesn't mention in the book was that it was also hosted by Martin Short and featured Marc Shaiman on the piano! I loved that show so much! That's the kind of memories this book will most likely invoke for people who grew up during the 80's.

Another really amazing (and difficult) part of the book dealt with how Jack despised himself when he finally gave in to his homosexual feelings and began to "fool around." He describes looking in the mirror and hating what he sees. He climbs into the shower and vigorously scrubs himself, hoping to wash away the sins. He prays that God will make him normal. He brushes his teeth over and over, scrubs his tongue, rinses with mouthwash - all in an attempt to cleanse himself.

This was a very important part of the book for me. When I was in college, I was still very closeted. I knew the feelings were there but I wanted so badly for them to not be. Every weekday morning we had chapel and I was often sitting there in a pew praying that God would make me normal. I would say things like "This is a sick, sinful thing I keep thinking about! Please help me get rid of these thoughts, Lord." I went through such torment because for so long I had been led to believe it was wrong. If I could have pulled out my brain and scrubbed it I would have, so guilty did I feel.

I very much enjoyed Band Fags! It is so much more than just a coming out story. It is a look at the struggles of not just a gay teen, but teens in general. It is also a great time travel back to a decade of bad hair, great music and embarrassing fads.