Am I an American?

I'm proud to be an American, where at least I know I'm free - to not marry a man should I ever fall in love.

And I won't forget the men who died who gave that right to me - except the gay ones who are forced to hide who they really are for fear of being kicked out of the military.

I've been thinking a lot about that song "Proud to be an American" today. Actually, the first moment the lyrics popped into my head today was right after I found out that the republicans (aka, the party of no) led by the Grand Old Flip Flopper John McCain (who said during his campaign for the presidency in 2008 that he would gladly review the repeal of Don't Ask Don't Tell should military leaders come forward with their support for a repeal) did in fact block the efforts today to repeal that 17-year-old stain on America's history.

Of course, as I sang the lyrics to myself, they were laced with sarcasm. I must be completely honest: right now, I really am not proud to be an American. I'm not saying that I want to move to Canada or anything, and I fully appreciate the freedom that I take advantage of (often taking it for granted) on a daily basis.

Yet, as a gay man, I don't exactly have all the freedoms of everyone else, do I? If I was lucky enough to be dating a guy and falling in love with him, there really would be no hope on the immediate horizon that I could publicly declare my love for him in a marriage ceremony. When you are being treated like a second-class citizen, it is sometimes difficult to think of yourself as a citizen at all.

As I have thought about the vote that was made today, I think back on all the stories I have heard lately about the gay soldiers forced to leave the military because of Don't Ask, Don't Tell. In many of those cases, they were asked, or someone told on them. How exactly does that follow the not-so-apparent guidelines?

Today, I am really not proud to be an American. I am saddened by the state of America and by the political players who are so full of hate, homophobia and lies (and bullshit) that they will do everything they can to make lives miserable for 10% of the Americans they are supposed to be working for.

The Confusing Right, Part 2

There has been a lot of recent buzz in the state of Washington. On the November ballot this year is the hot topic of gay rights. Here is the wording for Referendum 71, so there will be no confusion about what I am about to discuss.


This bill would expand the rights, responsibilities, and obligations accorded state-registered same-sex and senior domestic partners to be equivalent to those of married spouses, except that a domestic partnership is not a marriage.

Okay, I think that is quite clear! All same-sex partners are asking for is the equal rights of married couples. Call it a Civil Union, call it a Contract Agreement, call it the end of civilization as we know it...whatever! But I think the wording at the very end of the last sentence says it all: a domestic partnership is NOT a marriage. Have the people against gay marriage even read what Referendum 71 says??

You would think that opponents of gay marriage rights who have for years now been trying to "protect the sanctity of marriage" would be okay with this. Right? I mean we're not trying to pervert the highly successful marriage rate that is never ruined by the concept of divorce, cheating spouses or reality shows (I'm talking about you, John and Kate - because there is a perfect example of a happily sanctified marriage!).

Today as I was driving my bus route, I saw a sign in the back window of a car. It looked like it had been printed off a website, but the gist of it was to reject Referendum 71 to protect marriage and the following website was conveniently displayed in large bold letters so I could look it up when I got home.

http://www.protectmarriagewa.com/

Wow. Seriously? This is still an issue for people? One would think that people who are trying to protect the definition of a word would back off considering that the referendum CLEARLY states that domestic partnerships are NOT defined as a marriage. Exactly what leg do these people have left to stand on?

Seeing this defense still being used makes me wonder if this really is about their precious marriage definition. Perhaps this is really about fear. Lord knows the far right loves to spread hate through scare tactics. They fear what they do not understand so they rush to judgment and preach thinly veiled defenses for their agenda.

What other conclusion can I draw? It's right there on the front of their website:

Are the homosexuals finally going to take control of our culture and push their depraved lifestyle on our children and families?

Senator Val Stevens leads off her article on the front page of their website with that question. Well, Val - may I call you Val? -- the answer to your question is "NO!". Homosexuals, by asking for the same rights of married couples, are not trying to push our "depraved lifestyle" on your children and families. In fact, we promise we won't even invite you to the commitment ceremony, though we all know you'll be there anyway with pickets and cries of injustice. That's just your way.

If you want our tax money, then the least you can do is give us the same rights of married couples - a right we deserve no matter what your errant, fallible Bible says.

Senator Val Stevens continues: Amidst harassment and even death threats by the homosexual radicals pushing this into our faces, just enough signatures were gathered to give you the final say on the upcoming ballot.

I love when the far right takes their argument here. I jump up and down, giddy and clapping my hands. Is she seriously going to make this statement? Okay, clearly she is and has. I have yet to hear any of these claims proven in news reports. One would think that such claims, were they true, would be newsworthy. Last Spring police raided a gay bar and severely beat a gay man. We all know the story of Matthew Shepherd. Those stories were ALL over the news. Why have I not seen news reports backing up the claims of Senator Val?

There have been claims that people who signed the petition to get the issue of gay domestic partner rights on the 2009 November ballot are too scared to make themselves known because they worry about death threats and harassment. Well, there's that fear again! But seriously, are they that afraid that their own tactics will be used against them? I guess they are. I once heard someone say that people who stoop to criminal activity are often wary of having it done against them.

I had a conversation about this issue with a co-worker last week. I have been hearing an anti-referendum-71 commercial on local radio station Star 101.5 the past several weeks. The gist of the commercial is that Washington's politicians are "out of touch with the issues" and should be focusing on more important things like our wounded economy and the current war and the housing crisis. Frankly, this sounds like a recycled commercial script from past right-wing propaganda. It appears as though someone copied and pasted the script from previous editions and didn't really think to proofread his work. The commercial has no direction or purpose - well other than to promote fear and get people to reject Referendum 71. Oh, and by the way, it wasn't Washington state politicians who pushed to get this on the November ballot. It was, in fact, the right-wing conservatives. Senator Val herself admitted that.

Anyway, I was mentioning this commercial to my co-worker - a right-wing conservative Christian. He immediately shared with me something he heard on the radio -- a conservative DJ (I'm guessing Rush Limbaugh or that other idiot Glenn Beck) who said that the problem with Democrats is that they want everyone to not be concerned with the bedroom, but want to control every other room in the house. They want to suggest which light bulb we should use and which car we should drive.

I laughed and said to my coworker, "But can you see the difference between how Democrats face an issue and how Republicans do? If a Democrat doesn't like the light bulb you use, they aren't going to beat you within an inch of your life and leave you to die in the middle of nowhere tied to a fence. If a Democrat doesn't like that you drive an SUV or a Hummer, they're not going to declare for you eternal damnation because the Bible says so."

His response was to share with me reports of vandalism to SUV's and Hummers in the downtown area. Apparently, environmentalists have launched a campaign to inflict damage to vehicles parked in the Seattle area in the way of broken windshields, slashed tired and broken head and tail lights. My mouth must have dropped open because my co-worker stared at me and said, "What?"

I said, "Are you seriously comparing the beating of a human homosexual to the distruction of an SUV or a Hummer?" He tried to backpeddle, but still insisted that the distruction of private property is clearly wrong.

How about the distruction of the human spirit? How about the distruction of human rights? How about the distruction of souls? Well, I guess if they belong to perverted homosexuals, then they don't count.

What's wrong with you!

Do you ever have one of those nights where something is picking at you and you can't sleep until you talk about it? Me, too! So here goes...

I met a 20 year old guy in a gay chat room several weeks ago. Now, before you go harping on me about "robbing the cradle" or asking if his "mommy is aware of my intentions" let me put all that to rest and say that I am well aware exactly how little I have in common with a 20 year old. There is NO way I could ever date one or even think about a future with one.

Once we were having a conversation and he told me that he'd just gotten back from playing a drinking game with some buddies of his. He said he hoped that one day he and I could play the drinking game and I told him that I don't drink. While he tried to ponder how I could be such a prude, I tried to remember if I ever had the stamina to play a drinking game late into the night and then show up for work the next day even when I was twenty!

Surprisingly, the guy likes me and is interested in meeting and (wonder of wonder, miracle of miracles) actually lives near me. But the more I chat with him, the less interested I am in him - no matter how attractive he is or how amazingly shaped his young body may be. Hey, if I'm grossing you out here, I apologize, but I have to admit that this is one attractive young man!

Tonight, though, really gave me another realization that I will never date this guy. We were having a conversation and he suddenly logged off the chat program. Several minutes later, he came back and explained that the program had frozen so he needed to close it and start it up again. Then he uttered that phrase that grates on me so much! That phrase that I hear thrown around so often. "It's so gay!"

My response to him was "I prefer to use the term stupid."

He responded "...and gay!"

Now I am sure I have blogged before about my supreme dislike for that phrase, so I won't get into that now. But I couldn't believe that another gay man was using that phrase. He tried to shrug it off saying "I meant it in the slang way it's used."

I quickly told him that I detest the slang use of it and why I do. He didn't seem to understand. As far as he was concerned, it's just a popular slang phrase now that really has no meaning. He really didn't get it when I told him that it actually has a LOT of meaning and is, in fact, a derogatory slur against homosexual people and that I tell the kids who ride my bus that I do NOT want to hear it said there. He actually seemed shocked that I would do that on my bus.

He said "It doesn't really bother me. When I hear people call me names I just walk away." Now it was my turn to be in shock. I asked him "So if a guy was to walk up to you and call you the 'n' word (this young man, by the way, is black) then you'd just laugh it off and walk away?"

His response: "I wouldn't laugh, but I'd just walk away and consider him a dumbass."

I responded with "But how will he ever know that he is being a dumbass if you don't educate him?"

The young man replied, "It's not my job to educate people about stuff like that. I hate confrontation and I do my best to stay away from it."

Okay, I can kind of see where he's coming from there. I mean I'm no big fan of confrontation, but I did point out to him that there are ways to talk to someone about their use of certain phrases without making a big confrontation about it. A bigot is only going to remain being a bigot until someone takes the time to stop him and say "Hey, dude, you're being a bigot!"

The conversation just got worse from there. I told him that if gay people just ignore and accept the phrase "that's so gay" then why not just give up our hope of ever achieving the right to marry. Why not accept that the world will never accept us for who we are so why bother trying to express our love the same way straight people get to?

He said that he didn't really care about gay marriage. When he finally meets the man he wants to marry he'll worry about it then. I began to realize that this is a kid who just isn't thinking about the future. But then, what 20 year old kid is? I guess that's the problem. Still I know several kids around that age who are passionate about gay rights and go to rallies and marches. Maybe this guy is just one of the immature 20 year olds. The kind who isn't yet old enough to realize that playing drinking games every night is probably not going to get him very far in life.

It was so very sad having this conversation tonight. Long before it happened, I had known that I would never meet this guy or pursue any kind of a relationship with him, so it wasn't about that. It saddened me that there are gay people out there who feel that way. There are gay people out there who will just float along through life taking the crap that the world throws and accepting it as the way things have to be. And if we do one day get the rights that we deserve those people will reap the benefits without really understanding (or caring about) all the struggle that went into giving them that right.

Now, I'm not saying I'm a fired up activist who is out there protesting and marching every weekend. But I at least have an opinion about gay rights and my future in this country as a gay man. This guy doesn't even have that! He just doesn't care! I guess he doesn't realize all that he's willing to give up. I'm sure the day will come when he does and maybe then he'll start working toward helping us get what we deserve. At least I hope he does.

When I told him that I would appreciate it if, when we chat, he not use the phrase "That's so gay" at all, he told me that he would try, but that the phrase is so ingrained in his vocabulary that he'll forget. I told him not to worry, that I would continue to remind him until he is able to remember.

"Oh great, so you'll nag me?" he asked.

My god! How sad is that?

A New Crush

I've done it again and I really blame my friend Neil for sending me the link to the following video. It's over 9 minutes long, but it's worth it.



So, yeah, I have an unhealthy crush on Seth MacFarlane, now. I've been a huge fan of Family Guy and have always found him attractive whenever I've seen him interviewed. But hearing Seth say the things he did about gay rights and marriage..... Yeah, I'm completely smitten!

Here is an interview I found in The Advocate. Man, I love this guy!

Gays: The end of marriage as you know it!

During the Superbowl, there was a commercial that aired in Texas, but nowhere else. Here is the commercial



Now, I had to have it explained to me. The website being advertised is a dating site for married people.