"Here's your sign" - Episode 1 - Utah Governor Herbert

I have decided to start a new ongoing series on my blog. I prefer not to call it a "copy" of Bill Engval's brilliant "Here's your sign" routine. For legal reasons, lets call it a "tribute". That being said, I bring to you the first installment in my new ongoing series.

Here's Your Sign - Episode 1

Utah Governor Herbert: Discrimination Against Gays Should Be Legal

Utah Governor Gary Herbert, who took over for moderate Governor Jon Huntsman after Huntsman resigned to become Ambassador to China, has spoken out against anti-discrimination laws which include sexual orientation:

"In his most definitive comments yet on gay rights, Herbert told reporters he doesn't believe sexual orientation should be a protected class in the way that race, gender and religion are. 'We don't have to have a rule for everybody to do the right thing. We ought to just do the right thing because it's the right thing to do and we don't have to have a law that punishes us if we don't,'Herbert said in his first monthly KUED news conference. In Utah, it is legal to fire someone for being gay or transgender. The gay rights advocacy group Equality Utah has been trying to change state law for several years but has always been rebuffed by the Republican-controlled Legislature. Last year, the group got Republican Gov. Jon Huntsman's support for extending some rights to gay people, although none of the bills it backed became law."

Unfortunately, that's why we have anti-bias laws. Because people don't do the right thing.

WOW - this guy strikes me as a genuine idiot. Do you suppose Utah has any laws regarding discrimination against people who are dumbasses?

Luck be a....very attractive gay man

I have recently discovered a new vice. Correction: I have discovered a new vice and rediscovered an old one.

Last month, a coworker and I were talking about a new casino that has opened up east of Seattle near Snoqualmie Falls. Appropriately titled Snoqualmie Casino, it's a twenty minute drive from work (about 30 from Seattle). The coworker offered to drive me out to this new casino so I could check it out and she promised to give me a free buffet through the points she has accumulated on her membership card.

When I got there, the first thing I did was sign up for a membership. Finally, card in hand, I was let loose among the beeping and flashing slot machines. I am a fan of slot machines. Cheerfully they entice you into their rolling-wheeled world with bonus games and wild symbols. One game I was particularly fond of had a picture of Sally the Shrimp Catcher in the corner and if you touched her she would giggle and say "That tickles!" Quite erotic, to be sure, but it just made me giggle...and press her more.

That first trip to the casino saw me losing $20, but I discovered the wonderful buffet that they have to offer. Not only do they have a Mongolian BBQ set up (the food was a fair bit blander than my favorite restaurant, Changs) but their salad bar has everything to offer that I like putting on my salad - including the honey mustard dressing. Oh! And don't get me started on the cascading chocolate fountain that, when poured over ice cream, hardens. Heavenly!

A couple weeks ago, I received a flyer from the casino in the mail with a couple coupons. The first was for $30 from the casino. I kid you not! You simply take the coupon to the cashier and walk away with $30! The second coupon was for a free buffet. So, I enticed my coworker to take another trip to the casino by reminding her that tonight was "triple points night".

After getting my $30, I started looking around for my favorite slot machines from my last visit. Party Bonus started eating my money right away. After I'd lost a couple dollars, I cashed out and went to Sally the Shrimper. I had a little more luck there. Right off the bat, I got a bonus game and won $10. I was starting to enjoy myself when a woman sat down next to me and lit a cigarette. Time to move.

I made my way to the non-smoking section where I found a new slot called Richville USA. Before I knew it, I was up to $30! Keep in mind that I was still playing with the first $10 I had put in the first machine. When you cash out, you get a ticket that can be played on any other slots. It was time to meet up with my coworker so we could attack the buffet. YUMMY!

I told Sherrie (my coworker) about the Richville USA slot and we both went to play after filling our tummies. She put in $20 and within 15 minutes was up to $60. My $30 went up and down but I was discovering that this game, though lacking cute little bonus games, was still a really good payer.

My method for playing is setting a limit for loss. Say I have $30 in the machine. When it gets down to $25, I cash out and move on. There were several times that I'd get close to $25 and then I'd get 10 free spins and win $10. It was SO much fun!

I moved around to other games. Kiss the Frog was a lot of fun and I got both the bonus games on that one. I went back to Sally the Shrimper and at one point was up to around $50. I still was playing on the $10 I put in when I first arrived. Sally started being mean to me (despite how many times I tickled her) so I moved on. I went back to Richville USA and was soon up to $60. I started losing, though, and after about 45 minutes I was down to $48. Still, I thought I was doing pretty good.

I searched the slots until I found Sherrie to see how she was doing. She was down to her last $17 but seemed to still want to play. I found a new machine, something with an America theme and added a little to my score. A couple other slots eventually got me down to $40. I was about to go back to Sherrie, sure that my winning streak was over when I heard maniacal giggling from a slot machine called Wild Coyote. It just looked like too much fun. I figured even if I blew the $40 I had, I still had the $20 from the casino that I hadn't even touched all night. I'd still call that a win.

I played Wild Coyote a little and was doing okay. At least I wasn't losing. Suddenly, I hit 5 sombreros in a wow and one $16! Then I hit something else and won $5, then another $5 on a bonus game! Suddenly I was sitting on $66! I started losing and set my downhill cap at $60 which is when I pulled out. I still can't believe it! I made $60! Well, $80 if you count the $20 in my pocket, which I do! After cashing out, I handed Sherrie $20 to thank her for driving me out to the casino.

On top of that, I also noticed that over the course of the night, I had earned 680 points. 200 points will get me a free buffet. Now, the buffet costs $22, so if I have earned 3 buffets, I'm going to go ahead and call that $146! I was there four hours so lets just say I made $36.5 an hour tonight!

Okay, okay, don't worry. I'm not addicted to gambling. Actually if I really want to be accurate, I should factor in the $20 I lost the first time I went. Still.... $126? That's pretty nice. Now I realize that I won't always have nights like that, but even the first time when I was losing, I was having a blast! And as long as I have enough points for a free buffet, I'll always consider myself a winner.

Besides, I always go to the casino with a set $ amount in mind and when the money is gone, then I'm done. If Sherrie is still playing I watch her have fun.

And I can always walk by Sally the Shrimper and tickle her.

Ch-ch-ch-changes

Today was the big day when I bid on my route for the year. Every year all the drivers go in based on seniority and choose what routes they want to drive for the year. I went in knowing that I would not take my route from last year. While the children on it were really great kids, it was a very stressful route. I often found myself having to hurry just to make it to my second school in the afternoon and it just wasn't a good feeling.

Two years ago I had a route that I really enjoyed, but that was a bit long to drive. There was a little bit of a hurry factor on that one, too, but the chances of getting to the second school on time were a little better. I also very much liked the kids on that route, so when I heard that the guy who outbid me on it last year wouldn't be taking it this year, I figured I would.

When I got to work, I discovered that route 39 had already been taken! I have blogged about the Bible thumping, closed-minded bigot before and she is the same woman who took the route. Interesting side note: later, after I had already chosen and signed for my route, I learned that she had called in to ask if her route from last year was still open because she doesn't like 39 and wanted to change. She was told "nope!"

So, I spent a good deal of time trying to figure out which route I would choose. For a brief moment, I contemplated taking my route from last year. I already know that route and they added a late activity run on it which gave it a little more hours than before. But that late activity run would have kept me on the clock until around 5:30 which would have really cut into my time needed to get to Seattle for SMC rehearsals on Mondays.

During the summer I had been toying with the idea of driving a special needs route. There are much fewer children on those routes and I'd drive a short bus (okay, go ahead, make your jokes!). I ended up taking a route that worked with a midday route as well. Between the two routes I will get almost 39 hours every week! Trust me, that is a great thing! Last year I had to worry about if there would be trips or if there would be midday work I could do. This year, I don't even have to do field trips! Frankly, that will feel really odd. I'm really used to bidding on field trips.

This will be my first year driving a special needs route, too. I've driven special needs children when I subbed for midday routes in the past, but this will be the first time I haven't driven a large bus with more than 35 kids on it. It's going to feel like such a weird year for me at the beginning, but as the paychecks start coming in, I really think I'm going to be financially stable...more so than in years past!

Okay, so now the bad part. I had chosen my route and was in my manager's office signing all the paperwork and that is when I noticed the morning clock in time for the route. For some reason, I hadn't thought to check that... Every morning, I will need to be at work at 5:45 am! That is SOOO early! Last year, my morning time was 6:40! Thankfully I live right across the street so it wouldn't be impossible to get up at 5:00 am and still be at work by 5:45.

Still, the route I took isn't going to be all that challenging. There is one girl I've been warned about who is autistic and sometimes throws temper tantrums when she doesn't get her way. We're talking kicking, screaming and sometimes spitting temper tantrums. Thankfully I only drive her in the afternoon out of a high school with seven or eight other students. The morning portion of the route consists of picking three deaf students up (all of which I have driven before) and taking them to a high school in Edmonds - maybe a 30 minute drive. That's it! Talk about an easy morning... aside from the clock in...

In the afternoon, after the portion with the autistic child, I drive to a park in the downtown area of my school district and wait for the route that picks up the out of district children. I don't even have to drive to Edmonds in the afternoon! I get to sit at a park reading a book until the other bus arrives and then take three students home. I'll be done by 4:30 every day which gives me plenty of time to get to Seattle for SMC on Mondays.

The only other negative thing that will take some getting used to is that I no longer get short Wednesdays. In our district, Wednesdays are early release days. But since those three students go to school in another district, they are on a different schedule. Also, because of the different schedule, I won't offically get a mid-winter break in February or a spring break in April like the other drivers will. Typically, though, I've been working those weeks anyway to get extra money, so I don't really think it'll be that big of a deal. Should I want to take those weeks off, I have the option to not work them and other drivers can bid to get that extra work. Most likely, though, I'm going to work them - I could use the money!

The more I think about it, the happier I am with my route. It'll be different, but I think I'll enjoy the variety. I know I am going to love the guaranteed hours. No more hoping I get a trip. No more wondering if my next paycheck will be big enough to cover my bills AND get me groceries. I'll actually be able to save at least $500/ month and still have a little left over for fun. I have never had that before and I am thrilled!

I may be a walking zombie, at least at the start (did I mention that I'll be the first driver clocking in every morning?) but I'm going to be a slightly less poor zombie.

Oh! Did I mention that the bus I'll be driving has a CD player? SCORE!

What's wrong with you!

Do you ever have one of those nights where something is picking at you and you can't sleep until you talk about it? Me, too! So here goes...

I met a 20 year old guy in a gay chat room several weeks ago. Now, before you go harping on me about "robbing the cradle" or asking if his "mommy is aware of my intentions" let me put all that to rest and say that I am well aware exactly how little I have in common with a 20 year old. There is NO way I could ever date one or even think about a future with one.

Once we were having a conversation and he told me that he'd just gotten back from playing a drinking game with some buddies of his. He said he hoped that one day he and I could play the drinking game and I told him that I don't drink. While he tried to ponder how I could be such a prude, I tried to remember if I ever had the stamina to play a drinking game late into the night and then show up for work the next day even when I was twenty!

Surprisingly, the guy likes me and is interested in meeting and (wonder of wonder, miracle of miracles) actually lives near me. But the more I chat with him, the less interested I am in him - no matter how attractive he is or how amazingly shaped his young body may be. Hey, if I'm grossing you out here, I apologize, but I have to admit that this is one attractive young man!

Tonight, though, really gave me another realization that I will never date this guy. We were having a conversation and he suddenly logged off the chat program. Several minutes later, he came back and explained that the program had frozen so he needed to close it and start it up again. Then he uttered that phrase that grates on me so much! That phrase that I hear thrown around so often. "It's so gay!"

My response to him was "I prefer to use the term stupid."

He responded "...and gay!"

Now I am sure I have blogged before about my supreme dislike for that phrase, so I won't get into that now. But I couldn't believe that another gay man was using that phrase. He tried to shrug it off saying "I meant it in the slang way it's used."

I quickly told him that I detest the slang use of it and why I do. He didn't seem to understand. As far as he was concerned, it's just a popular slang phrase now that really has no meaning. He really didn't get it when I told him that it actually has a LOT of meaning and is, in fact, a derogatory slur against homosexual people and that I tell the kids who ride my bus that I do NOT want to hear it said there. He actually seemed shocked that I would do that on my bus.

He said "It doesn't really bother me. When I hear people call me names I just walk away." Now it was my turn to be in shock. I asked him "So if a guy was to walk up to you and call you the 'n' word (this young man, by the way, is black) then you'd just laugh it off and walk away?"

His response: "I wouldn't laugh, but I'd just walk away and consider him a dumbass."

I responded with "But how will he ever know that he is being a dumbass if you don't educate him?"

The young man replied, "It's not my job to educate people about stuff like that. I hate confrontation and I do my best to stay away from it."

Okay, I can kind of see where he's coming from there. I mean I'm no big fan of confrontation, but I did point out to him that there are ways to talk to someone about their use of certain phrases without making a big confrontation about it. A bigot is only going to remain being a bigot until someone takes the time to stop him and say "Hey, dude, you're being a bigot!"

The conversation just got worse from there. I told him that if gay people just ignore and accept the phrase "that's so gay" then why not just give up our hope of ever achieving the right to marry. Why not accept that the world will never accept us for who we are so why bother trying to express our love the same way straight people get to?

He said that he didn't really care about gay marriage. When he finally meets the man he wants to marry he'll worry about it then. I began to realize that this is a kid who just isn't thinking about the future. But then, what 20 year old kid is? I guess that's the problem. Still I know several kids around that age who are passionate about gay rights and go to rallies and marches. Maybe this guy is just one of the immature 20 year olds. The kind who isn't yet old enough to realize that playing drinking games every night is probably not going to get him very far in life.

It was so very sad having this conversation tonight. Long before it happened, I had known that I would never meet this guy or pursue any kind of a relationship with him, so it wasn't about that. It saddened me that there are gay people out there who feel that way. There are gay people out there who will just float along through life taking the crap that the world throws and accepting it as the way things have to be. And if we do one day get the rights that we deserve those people will reap the benefits without really understanding (or caring about) all the struggle that went into giving them that right.

Now, I'm not saying I'm a fired up activist who is out there protesting and marching every weekend. But I at least have an opinion about gay rights and my future in this country as a gay man. This guy doesn't even have that! He just doesn't care! I guess he doesn't realize all that he's willing to give up. I'm sure the day will come when he does and maybe then he'll start working toward helping us get what we deserve. At least I hope he does.

When I told him that I would appreciate it if, when we chat, he not use the phrase "That's so gay" at all, he told me that he would try, but that the phrase is so ingrained in his vocabulary that he'll forget. I told him not to worry, that I would continue to remind him until he is able to remember.

"Oh great, so you'll nag me?" he asked.

My god! How sad is that?

A contest and some nostalgia

Today I went into work hoping to get the VHS tapes onto which a coworker of mine has been recording True Blood Season 2. I am nearly done with Season 1 and I am hooked. I LOVE the show! Sadly, I might be adding HBO to my cable in time for the next season.

She had lent the videos out to another worker, however, so I stayed around and chatted with some others. There is A/C in the break room! As we were all sitting around the table, one of them said, "Hey Peter, don't you like to write?" He slid a section of the newspaper over to me. There is a contest being held by the Seattle Times to promote the musical Wicked that will be here in Seattle next month.

The contest is a challenge to write the back story of a character from literature. The examples they gave were "Why was Humpty Dumpty on the wall" and "Why did Little Bo Peep lose her sheep". The grand prize for the contest consists of two free tickets to see the show on September 15, an copy of the book autographed by the author, a backstage tour at the Paramount (I'm guessing to meet some of the actors?) and "Wicked prize pack". For those of you who may not know, Wicked is the musical based on the book by Gregory Maguire that tells the story about the Wicked Witch of the West from Oz. So you can see how appropriate this contest is!

Now, I have already bought a ticket to see Wicked. But I LOVE to write and several ideas started popping into my head as I looked at the contest details. If I like the show even half as much as people say I will, then I'll probably want to see it again anyway! I rushed home and in an hour had a story written out. I as going to post the story here, but I realized that it might be against contest rules to do so. Besides, do I really want anyone else to see (and possibly copy!) my award-winning idea?

So, if anyone out there wants to read what I am planning to submit for the contest, send me a message and I will send you the story - along with a contract you must sign that states that you will not steal the idea and submit it so you can win those tickets to see Wicked! I trust you! I promise! hehehe

The other excited news for me today came in a text message from my friend Neil. He told me that Pete's Dragon was released on DVD today! Now, I've had it on DVD for several years now and Disney has been really bad about re-releasing movies on DVD with stupid "new bonus features" that just aren't worth another $20. But I did a little snooping on the Net and discovered that on this new edition there is a brand new documentary about the making of the movie narrated by Sean Marshall (the boy who played Pete) as an adult today! There are also some "pop" versions of the songs from the movie and a deleted song with storyboards!

Okay, truth be told, I probably would have bought the new DVD even if there hadn't been so much new stuff on it. This goes against my belief of supporting the movie companies who consistently re-release movies on DVD to get more money out of people like me who crave new special features. I usually won't buy a new DVD of a movie I already own. People who know me, however, know how much I have always loved the Pete's Dragon. It is one of my favorite movies from my childhood and it will always hold a special place in my little gay heart.

Is it really surprising that I rushed down to Best Buy to buy a copy?

Sad events during Pride Weekend...

I just found an article about a police raid on a gay bar in Fort Worth, TX. According to the police, the gay men in the bar were "groping them" provoking them to tackle a 26-year-old gay man, giving him a concussion and leaving him in critical condition. Four or five policemen tackled a 160lb 26yo gay man which made me wonder: How many police officers does it take to dog pile a gay man? Answer: The more the merrier!

My only gripe about the article is that, while I don't condone what happened by ANY stretch of the imagination, I do feel that the police chief was misquoted. Nowhere in any linked articles did I find any indication that he said "That faggot had it coming". That sentiment may have been implied from what he actually did say:

"You're touched and advanced in certain ways by people inside the bar, that's offensive," he said. "I'm happy with the restraint used when they were contacted like that."

I don't feel, however, that an implication deserves to be included in the title of a news article.

Time Well-Spent and Other Time....Not so Much...

Today was my first day of Summer vacation, so I decided to celebrate by heading to the IMAX in Seattle (the real one, not the LieMax blogged about earlier) to see Transformers 2. Actually, I went into Seattle yesterday to buy the ticket, to ensure myself a seat in the 1pm show.

I wanted to like Transformers 2. I really did. I was excited about it! I was. What a lame movie it turned out to be. It is full of stupid one-liners, unfunny comic relief characters, cliche plot devices, a complete disregard for the laws of physics, a 90-minute story pointlessly stretched to 2 1/2 hours, and a blatant (and completely laughable) rip-off of Battlestar Galactica.

Transformers 2 is a prime example of what you get when plot development and carefully crafted characters take a backseat to big budget effects and CGI. The filmmakers were so in love with their special effects that all care and attention went to that more than anything else. I can sum up the story in once sentence: A lazy villain robot sends his minions off to gather his needed supplies to blow up the sun while the good guys run around trying to figure out how to stop it. All of this is wrapped up and tied together with a love story even less believable (and interesting) than the one George Lucas crafted in Episode 2.

I'd say by the hour mark I was bored with the film and really didn't care what happened. They even threw in the "uninformed" military cliche who accidentally aids the bad guys with his anal-retentive attention to military protocol. Frankly, I think President Obama would be embarrassed to have this guy in charge of anything. It seemed like the writers got bored with him, too because he gets dumped in the middle of nowhere and we never really find out what happens to him. It got to a point where all the machines started looking the same and I stopped caring about any of them, too. In huge fights, the viewer can't really decide who they should be rooting for.

The only interesting human characters were Sam's parents, but they ended up just being another tired plot device - and a poorly structured one, at that. I actually like Shia LaBeouf, but there was so little for him to do in this, that his talent was wasted. That's a sad statement to make about the main character of the movie. He was much more interesting as Indy's son. In fact, half-way through the movie I wondered if they were working on another installment of the Indy story, hopefully giving Shia something better to do.

As for the IMAX experience? Well, lets just say that I much more enjoyed the Star Trek showing in the fake IMAX theater than I did this. As I mentioned before, the filmmakers were in love with their CGI creations so the only portions of the movie blown up to IMAX proportions involved fights between robots. Unfortunately, they didn't think it necessary to IMAX-size the entire scene, with the result of several shots within one scene shrunk back to the smaller format right in the middle of the action. Since the director favored quick cut editing for action sequences, the switching between formats is glaringly annoying.

Okay, one more thing, then I promise I'll stop bitching about this movie. Parents...PLEASE DO NOT take your children to movies like this! This movie is NOT for kids! I was stuck between two kids under the age of ten, and both of them got bored with this thing even sooner than I did. The kid on my left started shaking his soda cup for thirty minutes and then suddenly found the noise made when a straw is pulled through the lid fascinating for another thirty. The girl on my right found her candy wrapper more fascinating than the movie for the last 90 minutes. Oddly, I found the fact that their parents were clueless to their actions more interesting than the movie.

After the lame attempt at film making was over, I wandered over to the Experience Music Project to check out the Jim Henson exhibit. I am a huge fan of the Muppets and I was hoping to save my day by getting lost in the world of Jim Henson. Thankfully, I was not disappointed. Not only were several of the Muppets on display, but they also had Fraggle Rock characters and characters Henson created for commercials in the 50s and 60s. They also had MANY original Henson sketches hanging all over the exhibit with a fascinating look at Henson's creative mind. Yes, they had the Mahna Mahna guy and his backup dancers on display, too. I got a picture of them on my cell before being rushed by a security guard who told me that pictures were not permitted. I also got pics of Rowlf and Kermit!

They had a stage area where you could go behind a set and perform with Muppets to one of many songs played to the audience. It was a great way to get an idea how difficult it can sometimes be for Muppet performers to get a character just right. The exhibit will be here through most of the summer - until about mid-August. If you're in the Seattle area, I suggest checking it out!

After checking out the Muppets, I headed to the Sky Church, the large room just outside the EMP. There is a huge jumbotron that lights up to music being played. They had set up a tribute to Michael Jackson there. On display was the jacket he wore when he performed the Moonwalk for the first time while singing Billy Jean along with, naturally, a shiny white glove. His music was playing and they had tables set up with frequently replaced paper so people could write down their thoughts about the King of Pop. Thankfully, most of the messages were kind.

I was getting tired of hearing people bashing Michael Jackson since the announcement of his death yesterday. People kept writing him off as a freak and pervert and criticized the media for caring so much about his death. Love him or hate him, you have to admit that Michal Jackson left a huge imprint on music history. A friend of mine commented that he was the Elvis of my generation and I would have to agree. Is it, then, so shocking that his death would be covered like this? Personally, I think Michael Jackson was one of the most talented performers that music has and ever will see and I was sad to hear about his passing. I just hope that people will stop remembering MJ the freaky pervert and start remembering the talented guy who contributed to the life soundtracks of so many children of the 80s.