Am I an American?

I'm proud to be an American, where at least I know I'm free - to not marry a man should I ever fall in love.

And I won't forget the men who died who gave that right to me - except the gay ones who are forced to hide who they really are for fear of being kicked out of the military.

I've been thinking a lot about that song "Proud to be an American" today. Actually, the first moment the lyrics popped into my head today was right after I found out that the republicans (aka, the party of no) led by the Grand Old Flip Flopper John McCain (who said during his campaign for the presidency in 2008 that he would gladly review the repeal of Don't Ask Don't Tell should military leaders come forward with their support for a repeal) did in fact block the efforts today to repeal that 17-year-old stain on America's history.

Of course, as I sang the lyrics to myself, they were laced with sarcasm. I must be completely honest: right now, I really am not proud to be an American. I'm not saying that I want to move to Canada or anything, and I fully appreciate the freedom that I take advantage of (often taking it for granted) on a daily basis.

Yet, as a gay man, I don't exactly have all the freedoms of everyone else, do I? If I was lucky enough to be dating a guy and falling in love with him, there really would be no hope on the immediate horizon that I could publicly declare my love for him in a marriage ceremony. When you are being treated like a second-class citizen, it is sometimes difficult to think of yourself as a citizen at all.

As I have thought about the vote that was made today, I think back on all the stories I have heard lately about the gay soldiers forced to leave the military because of Don't Ask, Don't Tell. In many of those cases, they were asked, or someone told on them. How exactly does that follow the not-so-apparent guidelines?

Today, I am really not proud to be an American. I am saddened by the state of America and by the political players who are so full of hate, homophobia and lies (and bullshit) that they will do everything they can to make lives miserable for 10% of the Americans they are supposed to be working for.